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Comment by Stephanie on March 21, 2012 at 3:29am

me too adrianne, i would also never have believed that to be true for me. in fact, tons of the chaos in my life, i would just never have believed were going to happen.  they say thats why we dont know the future, cos we think we wont be able to handle it. but as it unfolds, we somehow endure it.  <3

Comment by Dick on March 21, 2012 at 2:29am

The church is about 300 meters from the house and gives me a place to connect. His grave at the family plot is one hour each way and I stop on the way to the family farm on the weekends.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 21, 2012 at 1:30am

If someone would have told me that I would spend the rest of my life crying every day; not once but several times, I would have never believed that to be true.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 21, 2012 at 1:22am

Really special Dick. Love the bench. You seem to be finding some peace.

Comment by Dick on March 20, 2012 at 9:30pm

This was Danny's favorite song:

http://youtu.be/LnET4RKXx5k

Comment by Dick on March 20, 2012 at 4:35pm

I was not able to add text to the picture, but this is the bench Danny's friends had placed at the church garden. I find solice there, pray. leave flowers, and kiss the stone. This is the garden where Danny would jog during his workouts and take a rest to feed the fish. I still havwe some of the donations left and we are considering a fish food urn, I think Danny would have liked that.

For Danny's whole story:

http://home.earthlink.net/~salmonids/memorialfordanielphilliphyde/

Comment by Dick on March 20, 2012 at 4:31pm

Comment by Karen R. on March 20, 2012 at 9:01am

Hey everyone, somehow, once again, I survived the night. I didnt think I would be able to get on today. I have so much anxiety over counting the years.

*  Stephanie, can you post some videos of your baby, I would gladly watch. You are so right, the lucky ones NOT in our shoes, just simply don't understand.

*  Grace, I too see my son in all stages of his life. He was 21yrs old but sometimes if i see someone pregnant, I think of my pregnancy with him. I think of when he was a few weeks old, I would put him on display, all dressed up, laying on my bed and I would just look at him in awe.....wow, my first born son, my little prince. I remember all of his favorite toys and television shows and movies. The Lion King was his #1. I remember the look on his face when he got the bike that he wanted. I long for my son so much. I still have to fight off my urge to hug young men, "boys" close to my son's age, especially if they physically look like my son.  

Thanks again for listening......many hugs to all.

Comment by Grace on March 20, 2012 at 5:23am

Yes ladies... I too have the time counting thing... Somedays I think I have too much windshield time at my driving job..... seems like every little thing makes me think of Niles and it will be 3 years Memorial Day Weekend..... I see little kid clothes of anything at the stores that I used to shop for him items.... I look at kids in his age group.. so many things that bring him to my brain.  And I understand those of you who can't seem to share this with friends anymore..... everyone wants us to be "Over it" Or they want to take our mind off the child.... we all see how they just don't know how to comfort us... so we keep quiet because we think we are such downer's on our friendships.    I am still in disbelief that I really am a mother who lost my child... my baby.... my center....

Comment by Stephanie on March 20, 2012 at 2:14am

yes karen, i feel so much the same as you. when becky passed, i almost "HELD ONTO" that moment of time, coz i didnt want it to be true.  Time became almost like and ENEMY!  becoz as long as could say she passed an hour ago, or 2 days ago, or even 3 weeks ago, something about that meant that time was sort of standing still.  when it became 2 YEARS, i hated hated hated saying those words, becoz the longer she's been gone, the worse it seems that the world is going on whether she is here or not. and i hate that because it is so so so painful.  on 24 april next month, will be 4 YEARS!  it is so unfair, it is just so so unfair. i wish you guys could watch some videos of her with me and cry with me. i really so badly have that need, but who else would understand!

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