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Comment by Lisa Adams on April 11, 2012 at 8:01am

So after almost 11 months, the hospital FINALLY has Roxanne's autopsy finished. I go today for a meeting with the Drs for them to explain the findings.  I have to admit, I am more than a little apprehensive.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on April 11, 2012 at 12:47am

Been crying more. Struggling with depression more. Diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia 12 years ago. New tests show it's a problem. Don't know if I care

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on April 10, 2012 at 12:17pm

Dick, I have gone thru this transformation similar to you this past year.  I have begun playing the piano again to let my grief out.  In addition to this, I have written many poems.  I feel like at time my son Sam's hands are guiding me with the writings and that he also plays along with me when I play the piano.  He played the guitar and the piano.  I find doing creative things kind of heals my heart sometimes.  Sending BIG hugs to everyone here. 

Comment by Dick on April 10, 2012 at 4:40am

"I Water the Rose Garden with My Tears"; I am living it baby.

Comment by Dick on April 10, 2012 at 4:38am

Setting in Hobbs, New Mexico alone. Sleeping; started dreaming about my son & woke up. It's 3:00 A.M.; can't sleep.

A few days ago, I set down with a pen and paper and started writing poetry. The poems just flew out of my pen. It was quite amazing since I am not quite that creative and prolific. I still want to make a song and record it about Danny. Maybe I will have something by August 14. I don't know if this is healthy or theraputic, but I must do it.

Comment by Karen R. on April 9, 2012 at 1:51pm

Hey Lorraine, sweetheart, I totally understand. A shit show is a understatement! It is hard to find the words sometimes. I just wish I could take everyone's pain away and get all our children back...happy and well, enjoying their lives. I just got finished sobbing with one of my nieces that is extremely close with my son. We tried to console each other and then she calmed me down by sharing son funny memories she has from when they were very young.

Sending love back to you.

Comment by Lorraine on April 8, 2012 at 8:49am

Karen, I think of friends here, sometimes it's just so exhausting to get through the days that I don't even have energy to check in. and some days I feel like "what's the point?" as it is such so painful that I haven't been able to do much with words lately. I know that even my kids wish things were easier for me & now I try not to bring things up with them too much; which is hard as Silas is on my mind and in my heart every single day. I do know what you mean about reliving things; with the cancer Sy fought for almost 8 months, so there are many many memories for each of those months.  He passed on in May, and in April the doctors told him there was no hope left. UGH.  I can't imagine what it felt like to be 29 and hear those words. The whole thing was & continues to be a shit show.  I am having trouble getting myself together to do anything today; just got out of bed which is very late for me.  I hope friends here make it through the day. sending love

Comment by Grace on April 8, 2012 at 6:55am

EASTER.... A time when we should be reassured of Life after this life....  in Glory...

HE  Assures us today..... yet it just seems so EMPTY for me .... Easter just doesn't seem like Easter..

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on April 8, 2012 at 2:12am

Easter without my son. Unbearable.

Comment by Karen R. on April 8, 2012 at 12:35am

Hey Lorraine, haven't seen you on in awhile, I hope you you are as "well" as you can be. For me, it's like the world is going on while I am stuck in the days when my son was in ICU until he passed away/crossed over. Even though the days, weeks, months have now turned into years, I still relive that horrible day, over and over again.  I can't accept it and move on, I just can't. I still make an effort to avoid counting the time that is passing by because then it would have to be "real". I don't know if I will ever snap out of it. I still feel extremely angry, mostly towards the people that are responsible for causing all of this because they still haven't been held accountable.

Sending many hugs to you and everyone.

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