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Comment by Dick on April 16, 2012 at 9:58pm

I went to Danny gravesite yesterday. As I was setting there a squirrel came up and sat on Danny's memorial. It looked at me like it was at ease. It stayed a while, looked at me and then scurried off. I am still thinking about this Was there some meaning? Danny loved children and small animals. Wondering, perhaps a sign?

Comment by anna l. on April 16, 2012 at 3:42pm

Lisa, oh yes, I feel that way too.  Some days just getting out of bed and showering saps all my energy.  Making a phone call takes giving myself a pep talk first.  Going to the store gets put off until like today, the dogs are on their second day of no dogfood except for the frozen meat log that should have been kept for cutting up for treats.  I know there are things I should be doing but it just takes too much thinking planning or doing and I take the easy way out and dont do it.  I know I wont always feel this way, so I give myself permission to just let this grief take me where it needs to for now.  I hope you are able to do that too and have people around you to carry you when you need to be carried.  \hugs

 

Comment by Lisa Adams on April 16, 2012 at 3:15pm

I heard another angel mom say something today that really struck home with me.  She said, "people don't understand that we are so shattered that there is very little left in us to give away and when do reach out to help someone else, it is with great effort and at great personal cost."  This perfectly describes how I have been feeling.  It's not that I don't want to be there for my friends and family, I simply don't have the strength.  Does anyone else feel this way?

Comment by Lorraine on April 15, 2012 at 8:56pm

UGH! that is my word for today... I feel so sad & depressed tonight. The anniversary of Sy's death is coming up end of May, and this is the time of the year where doctors told him there was no hope left. I can't stop thinking about how devastating it had to be for him to hear those words, to know that he would not live a full life.  It so sucks. I want him back. I don't feel like I have the energy to keep on, yet I know that I have no other choice. I feel like a bad parent to my girls, even though they never tell me that... I don't have the sparkle for life I used to have, and the sparkle I was so inspired by in my Sy guy, even as he was so very sick & in so much pain. I am finding it harder to reach those moments of peace. Tomorrow I will be going into the town Silas lived in, and will probably stop by the college where his bench is, & put sunflowers on it.  Sending love to all here~

here is photo of my daughter Jess at Sy's bench

Comment by Peggy Redmond on April 15, 2012 at 5:47pm

Thanks Rosie, I needed that.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on April 15, 2012 at 5:38pm

Sending Hugs to you all.  Hope we find a little peace today. 

Comment by Grace on April 14, 2012 at 7:57am

April is:  Autism and Organ Donor Month.... Niles had both.... But April 17 HE "WOULD HAVE BEEN" 17  He had just turned 14 forever.... in 2009.

Comment by Brenda Ann on April 14, 2012 at 7:38am

Lisa,

That makes me mad too! 

There are wrongs committed against ourselves and our families that we can tragically do nothing about - BUT then there are things we CAN do something about.  I have no idea if this doctor's decision is criminal or just a bad guess.  Do you have an attorney you can ask?  No matter what the attorney says on the matter decide ahead of time to leave the matter in the pending file.  Meaning that the issue is important and you have the information in an important place but you don't have to carry the weight of the file.  The file is pending and the issue with its facts can be extracted from the file whenever needed.

 

(Proverbs 14:29) "He that is slow to anger is abundant in discernment, but one that is impatient is exalting foolishness."  Please don’t agonize over this new information – first give it to God to carry - (Psalm 55:22) “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – if you choose to give it to an attorney; let the attorney carry the burden – if you leave it all in the pending file, then leave the burden and weight of it in God’s hands.  There is no one who cares more for you than God does.  Remember, Roxanne, is his daughter too.  She was created by him and is his daughter too. (Job 14:15) “You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning.”  These words show that God misses our loved ones too and WILL CALL them from the sleep of death.  Keep this joy before you, my friend.  (((((HUGS)))))

 

Your friend,

Brenda

www.grief-and-comfort.com

Comment by anna l. on April 14, 2012 at 12:34am

I am tired, so so tired.  Went out for dinner with my daughter in law.  I really dont know what she is to me now that my son is gone, but she still feels like my daughter in law so thats what I will say.  She started talking about how he is visiting her and he moved her cigarettes to the opposite side of the coffee table.  I know some of you here believe in these visits but I dont.  I know that we dream of our passed loved ones, but I do not believe they are able to move things.  Im allowed to believe what I believe.  Anyway, I dont think that is why, but I started to cry.  It has been two years since he died and I miss him so so much.  I cried, she apologized for upsetting me, I felt guilty for causing a scene and making her feel bad, and I came home feeling such a fool.  Two years.......  will it ever get easier?  Im beginning to think it wont and that scares the hell out of me. 

Comment by Robin Jone on April 13, 2012 at 11:31pm

Rosie and Anna thanks for your comments. She did talk to my daughter that she is especially close with, and my daughter is feeling the same way I am. It is one thing to tell me us that you have some one you may begin dating, but to expect us to really want to hear about him is something else. I wish nothing but the best for her, I do love her like a daughter, but I can't help feeling like my heart was being pulled out of my chest. It has only been seven months, I personally don't feel like she has given herself enough time to actually grieve. She has kept herself so busy, and not stopped long enough to feel. The same thing happened after my brother died, my sister-in-law met someone after about six months and got married soon after, it did not turn out well. Like I told my son's girlfriend, it doesn't matter who or when it would happen, it is going to be hard for me no matter what. It is just another thing that happens that makes me admit that Zach is never coming back. Life really sucks sometimes.

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