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Comment by Connie K on December 5, 2015 at 12:55pm

Hugs Toni. I too search for that attachment to this life and what my work here is to be...

Comment by toni m dicarlo on December 4, 2015 at 3:44pm

The holidays are ahlf over and I count the days I can breath again. It has been 4 years and gabe would be 20 and I am so mentally and physically tired because even on an OK day I think of Gabe 24/7. My mind seems to wonder back to the days of him at birth or at 5 or at 15 and I smile at the thought of his beautiful face and laugh. I think my constand daydreaming of Gabe is a survival thing . I still wake up several days a week crying but can't remember what I was dreaming. The only way to breath is to constantly remind my self that this life is so very temporary. When I tell family members or friends that the temporary life without all the pass attachments is my life they just stare.  I thought I would eventually feel an attachment to this life but I have not and it takes some of the heavy heavy weight off my chest and heart. I thought that if you heart hurt so bad that a person would just go to sleep and not wake up, I am still here so my purpose on earth is not fulfilled yet.    

Comment by Jill E on December 4, 2015 at 2:46pm

I found my Josh's birthstone bracelet that I had made. I lost it a few days ago and was crushed. I made two bracelets just over a year ago when I lost my son. I had resolved myself it was gone. I haven't taken them off. Now just the countdown until the 7th. I am scared. I can't dtand the thought of that day. How to get through it. Going to the store...seeing the toys, Hot Wheels, Ninja Turtles...all things Josh loved so much. Even the Hot Wheels he collected until I lost him...VWs were his favorite. Sad...pain...empty...

Comment by Jane P on December 3, 2015 at 1:56pm

Hello Dolly

It's good to hear from you again.

Comment by Jane P on December 3, 2015 at 1:56pm

Teresa

Thank you for the light I chose for Danielle!

Comment by Jane P on December 3, 2015 at 1:55pm

Thank you Connie.

Yesterday marked my third year without Danielle.

As you know, it's all just so sad......

Comment by Jill E on December 3, 2015 at 12:48pm

I hate even going to the grocery store. Or Walmart (the only "department store" in this tiny town I live in. Christmas everywhere. I have been wondering how people feel that never have celebrated Christmas.

Comment by Connie K on December 3, 2015 at 10:14am

Yes no need to apologize Jill. We get it. And we know it's important to get it off your chest. I can't even deal with Christmas. I haven't made a list. I did but 3 gifts cards. I just am numb. It is so hard to be a part of this "joyous" season.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 3, 2015 at 5:38am

Jill you don't have to apologize. HUGS

Comment by Jill E on December 2, 2015 at 10:18pm

That was really bad. I so apologize. Please believe me I did not say that in a hurtful way. I just am in so much pain. This 1 year mark is ripping me apart. And on top of it my youngest son is in pain-not only missing his brother (he doesn't say much about him, I think he is worried about me) his job is taking a toll on him. Working 50 plus hours a week and can't pay his day to day bills with such low pay and he doesn't live close to me. I need him. My husband is even worried about me not wanting to leave me alone. I don't even know what I am saying just rambling

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