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Comment by Jessica Berninzon on May 21, 2012 at 3:28pm

I am new here and having a hard time getting around the website to comment or respond to comments on the blog or on pictures i just wanted to say i will try my best to respond and not wallow in my own pity my heart breaks for my child , your children , and the parents whom have come here like myself to find people that understand i believe we all belong to world all of our own in a way because as we all know now we can imagine think we know but until we have our child go before we do we have no clue really the world of a parent whom has to suffer the death of their child is indeed a different world for me it has been will always be..my heart goes out to you all...im glad i found this site i had almost given up on searching for one.

Comment by Michelle W on May 19, 2012 at 3:41pm

Robin and Lynne, thank you so much for your understanding and support, also thank you for sharing you stories. I know I can speak of my son till I turn blue but it is very hard to speak of what has happened..,, In the beginning they speak of all these levels of greif you will have and I thought well I will never have anger, who would I be angry at? Well I guess that was silly... I think I have reached anger for now.. People are so clueless this week has already so hard but the school ignoring me when they said they would keep me up to date and now the cemetery and I discussed the mark would be in place as of today the weekend before graduation so the kids could go up there and visit and feel comfortable... of course they haven't done what they promised and won't return a call to me letting me know when ... Do these people understand how hard all this is ? Clueless and careless... So yess I'm angry... Frustrated,,, Thank you all for the support you are my support system...Michelle

Comment by lynne thompson on May 19, 2012 at 10:10am

Oh Robin, Grace, and Michell, you can put me  with with that club, you know I lost 2 adult sons , the last son , Terry, was this March.   I have a "later in life baby" I had him in my late 30's.  He is a correction officer at a huge prison here and is trying out this summer for a police job.  He is 27 , well he works the 3-11 shift and of course I do not go to bed till late at night.   I called him at midnight and when I called him he did not answer, I sooooooooooo panic when this happens.  I see a therapist that told me "to bite my hand when I keep calling him" and I have to admit I do, for I am checking to see if he is ok..this is so so hard.....I don't want to become that overly dependent person and when he does not answer his cell phone I have to panic.....needless to say I am beat today......I did not keep calling him, for I just kept telling myself, he took a double shift tonight. But still could not sleep.  He had done 2 tours in Iraq, and thank you God , my son knew I could not handle it, so he told me he was stationed in Egypt.....and because you have all these numbers for addresses when you write him, you just think this is what they do in Egypt. The second tour was not as dangerous as the first one, but still a bad place at the time to be.   I finally found out when he was in New York , on the way home......Thank God 4 years ago , I did not know......ok enough rambling, thank you for reading this and I truly hope we all somehow find some sort of peace in life........love, lynne

Comment by Robin Jone on May 18, 2012 at 11:52pm

Michelle, I know what you mean about being over protective. I think when you lose a child so unexpectedly, it is so hard to get over that fear. My son, Zach, was away with his friends having a great time for one of his buddies bachelor parties. They were hiking and Zach wanted to get a closer look at a waterfall and got to close to the edge and slipped and fell. He was only 23, he was much too young, this wasn't suppose to happen. Fortunately when the accident happened my middle daughter was visiting my youngest daughter at college (she had just started her freshman year) and at least when my husband made the call they were together. It still seems like such a nightmare, one that I can't change or wake up from. Every time my daughters go anywhere though, I make them text me when they are leaving and when they get there. If they don't I just start to panic. Yesterday was my granddaughters Kindergarten graduation, another thing that my son would have attended. It is so hard when those events happen and he isn't there. Thinking and praying for you all. Big hugs. RObin

Comment by Grace on May 18, 2012 at 6:36am

Michelle, your post brings back so many memories.... I remember feeling that Life IS so fragil and death is so Random.... without rhyme or reason... we have been sucked into this nightmare.....  I also have 2 adult children... one is our now 19 year old son.... and I too feel like the overprotective parent.... trying to keep him from harm.... and He is pulling away for his independence.... both adult children still live at home but I really have experienced "Empty Nest" since Niles died.

GRADUATION...  when Niles was in the midst of his medical Crisis that led to his death... we were airlifting him...my other Son believed he was going to be ok..... and went to the  graduation ceremony for his friends... We had to have his sister call him out of that ceremony to tell him his brother was going to die...... then they had to drive 4+ hours to get to the hospital.....  Evan was ending his Junior year..... I can't tell you how hard it was the next year to go through HIS Graduation remembering that the year before he was called out of that ceremony for his broter Niles.

Senior year..... My Evan drove me crazy doing the senior things.... drinking (got a couple MIP's) so Michelle... I can relate that you always expect them to come home.... I still worry.... yet the child that I thought I was literally in control of 24-7 because of is Autism was the most vulnerable.  

I hope you do well at the Graduation Ceremony.... I know that having others acknowledge the existence of your son means so much.

My son would have been an 8th Grade Graduate  (Special Ed) but the 8t Grade did include his photos in the banquet....  I found this out later.. because I was not there... it made me feel good that even though they did not tell me that they did recognize him to his classmates.

Even through this very difficult week of family drama.... It was still good to see others acknowledge my son as a valuable human being.

We will all be holding you in our thougts on Graduation Day Michelle.

Comment by Michelle W on May 17, 2012 at 7:14pm

Thank you Karen... It will be hard ,, but I love him so much I can't miss anything he would be involved in this will be the last thing graduate high school... I was so proud of my son he was well rounded... Ond of the girls of his class told the papers you could go wrong knowing Billy Waldo... So bittersweet.., I'm sure you all understand the bitter sweet..,

Comment by Michelle W on May 17, 2012 at 7:04pm

Grace, Teri Marie,
Thank you for the understanding. I really should not be mad, it was my husband and myself who let him drive with a friend to the football game that ended his life. You really never even coincident that your child could leave the house with all the other kids to go to a school event and never come home... Never...never crossed my mind ..,.the world is not as you would think it to be ...,, and now how do you go on knowing it is a very fragile existence ...I love my daughter she's 19 and had moved back home because of the accident..but to let hear be her is so hard ..,, I mean what if these crazy people that don't understand how fragile life is are on there cell phone of slam on there breaks will she's driving to go to work , the mall, a friends I have to pay again??!i just want to hold her tight and not let her out of my sight..,,I was the over protective parent now I'm the crazy overprotective parent,.,I hope you both have a good week.. Michelle

Comment by Karen R. on May 17, 2012 at 7:03pm

Michelle, I am also sure that your son will be there with you.  I hope you are blessed with the strength you will need to get through the event.  So sad, my heart hurts with yours :(

Comment by teri marie on May 17, 2012 at 5:53pm

mercy the pain.....no one can even imagine

Comment by Grace on May 17, 2012 at 5:42pm

Michelle and everyone.... the Brain lady was kind... we talked about Niles as if he were alive... so sad that reality is that he is not.....what a hard week.....  I can relate to you Michelle.... he SHOULD be graduating.... PEACE everyone.... especially us that have that damn calendar curse.... 5/27/2009   Date of Death ......

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