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Comment by Karen R. on May 23, 2012 at 10:48am

Hey Lynne, sorry to hear of your unending pain that I can relate to all too well. You are NOT complaining, please don't feel that way. This all sucks!!! Too bad we don't live in a perfect world where none of this pain and sadness exists.

Comment by Karen R. on May 23, 2012 at 10:44am

Hey Jessica, once again you are welcome. I do believe my son has come to me in dreams but it hasn't happened in a long time. For me, my experience has been that after I realize it was only a dream, my frustration, anger and sadness only intensifies. I just simply want my son back!! I don't want dreams and photos, I want my young 21yr old son back!!! I want it to be that none of this ever happened. I want to see him enjoying his young life, I want him here where I can yell at him for things that he did that got on my nerves........funny, many of them seem so petty now. I guess I have to settle for dreams now but one thing for sure is that our loved ones are much more than a "memory", they all had a life.

I once attended a group for bereaved parents and there were several parents there that said they had lost a parent, sibling, spouse but the pain they experienced after losing their child, was incomparable. I have not loss a parent or spouse or sibling but since I have lost my son, I can definitely say that I can not imagine anything worse but maybe multiple children passing away in your life time. A loss is a loss, pain is pain, it's all immeasurable.

Comment by lynne thompson on May 23, 2012 at 10:05am

Thank you Grace, I have that today, (((((hugs)))) to you.............Kleenix is making a mint with me today:)...........thank you again, Grace......

Comment by Grace on May 23, 2012 at 9:57am

Lynne...... (((((HUGS)))))  I think we all have days like you are having....

Somedays I awake crying.... somedays I cry in the shower.... some days I can not even breathe through my nose!  and I REALLY SNOT all over....

How can a body make such a large supply of snot and tears?!

 

(((((HUGS)))))) to you.... PEACE

Comment by lynne thompson on May 23, 2012 at 9:48am

Hi everyone, I am now about to start the day, I just woke up crying, it is so much pain and to know today I have to just live.... seems like so hard just to try.  I have not had any dreams of Terry, I don't know if I want to or not.  All I know , is for some reason, today is just a bad day...I cannot stop crying, maybe the rest of the day will turn out better......life is so so unfair to some.    Oh jessica that is just a sign to that owl , that is so good.  Oh Robin, I know , at least you have pictures up on your son, me I have nothing, I took them all down when he passed...they will make me so sad, but than part of me feels so guilty that I do not have them up.......I am a mess today, sorry for complaining .....It just is not a good day, ugh, I cannot pull it together......Jessica did you try Compassion Friends on here?  That is another site I use.....Please take care my friends, I care about the moms on here, and wish us all some sort of peace.love, lynne

Comment by Jessica Berninzon on May 23, 2012 at 12:08am

Thanks Karen i felt so alone a month or less after amber died and have been in search of some kind of grieve group but everyone i found was not what i felt OK on  so i passed them all  never bothered to register till i got here , thanks so much for your kind welcome and words the pain is thick the reality of it ugly and i really just get barely by each day , my mom passed away on July 5th of 2010 i adored the woman she was my queen the only family i have in this country other then my  children when she passed i thought i would die and i was in horrid pain that did not lessen at all till about years time , then amber died and i thought im a horrible person all of a sudden my moms death did not matter much it was nothing compared to the pain i am suffering now i feel or felt guilty till this morning for months after mom passing i begged for her to give me a sign that she was ok , and she did a white owl at the Berkeley marina it was her i just know it prior to her death i kept seeing murals , signs , decorative things all owls black ones i had gone to Pacifica for a get a way weekend and seeing one on top of hotel and my friend said look the owl cross from your moms place followed us here it was the same exact owl perched on top of moms building weird but ok when i returned from pacifica my mom was gone i found her on the coach cold she had died night before , seeing the white owl was comforting but i wanted her to come to me as in my dream s , the kind where they talk to you let you know they are fine i had given up on her coming to me then this morning before i woke up she came to me gorgeous just glowing beautiful smile she looked 35 or so all dressed in white she spoke to me but i don't recall her words not one i was hugging her so tight loving her telling her how much i needed her and missed her especially now and she hugged back then she held both my hands and i said momma your hands are so so cold please dont go yet mom please don't go i love you and i woke up....i needed to share this with you all it may make a difference to some whom like me had lost hope on there loved one visiting them somehow. I have one ?  i hope it is ok to ask if not please let me know  but have any of your children come to you and if so how ?And Karen thanks again so much.

Comment by Robin Jone on May 22, 2012 at 10:53pm

Karen, thanks for posting it so describes how we all probably feel. Sorry I haven't commented in a little while, really been having a hard time again. The other day my husband was working outside cleaning our above ground pool, trying to get it ready. I was inside cleaning our familyroom, dusting etc. on our mantle is a picture of my son, Zach and a clock which holds his ashes. I just got so angry that I had to pick up my son's ashes and dust around his picture. He should be here, getting ready to enjoy the summer with all his family and friends. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, the pain was unbearable all over again. I hurt so much for all of us on here. Michelle I am so sorry that you have to endure this pain. I wish so much none of us had to hurt like this. Prayers and hugs for all. Robin

Comment by Karen R. on May 22, 2012 at 9:20pm

You are welcome Lynne and all others.

Comment by lynne thompson on May 22, 2012 at 9:19pm

That says it all Karen, thank you for posting it.....((())) lynne

Comment by Karen R. on May 22, 2012 at 9:16pm

Jessica, if you read and scroll through the many postings, you will see how much we all truly know what you are going through. I will never accept the loss of my son. My family still doesn't understand that me having other children, doesn't replace the loss of one.

It just hurts my heart every time I learn of a new member. My sorrow and my anger has not eased one bit and it's going on 3 yrs....even though I don't like to count the time passing by.

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