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Comment by Teresa D. on December 11, 2015 at 7:00am

Jennifer, we are willing to wrap our arms around you. I didn't lose my son in the same manner but just the same he is gone.  That pain I know.  I am here to support you.   

Jill you can only take one day at a time and deal with each one as it comes. 

Tomorrow is Michael's hockey tournament.  I'm full of tears right now.  Asking my self where did it all go? How am I left with nothing but a tournament. Tomorrow I will see his name everywhere and him nowhere.   Tomorrow will be my Christmas. It's all I got.

Comment by Rj on December 11, 2015 at 2:42am

Dear jennifer...i lost my 27 year old son larry on 2/1/15, also by suicide. He was my only child. It shattered my world, many lives have been forever changed. You are safe here, as all of us here understand your suffering, your broken heart. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son. Love, ronda.

Comment by Jennifer Neumann on December 11, 2015 at 2:16am

My son died as a result of suicide a month ago.  He was 19.  He was one of the kindest, gentlest souls and he always seemed happy.  His death has affected so many people.  I am having a difficult time dealing with it and am just here looking for support from others that have been in the same situation.  Thank you!

Comment by Jill E on December 10, 2015 at 7:25pm

I needed to be here with you all right now. To be with the ones who understand, who understand the grief. Who are my strength. Who have the shoulder for me to cry on. I have made it through the first year...I think...How do I make it through year two? Christmas like most of us can hardly wait for it to be over. Everywhere I look it is everywhere. I remember the gifts I bought for Josh last year-he never got to open them. It brings no joy. I am doing my best for my youngest son. Love to all

Comment by Connie K on December 10, 2015 at 5:20pm

so glad when it's over!

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 10, 2015 at 2:54pm

Some days are so much harder than others. It has been an unusually warm and sunny late fall here in Vermont,which helps my sanity. Holidays can never be the same for us all again. Instead of forcing myself to go through the motions, I am just passing on all the gift giving and getting a tree. I will be happy when its all done.   

Comment by Ammy on December 8, 2015 at 2:56pm

A loving hello to all.  I haven't been here to the site for quite awhile.  I've had some health issues that needed attending to and hopefully the worse is over.  Funny thing was that I really wasn't concerned.  I guess after what we've lost nothing can bring us down further than we've already been brought.
I want you to know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers even when I'm not here.  I know with the holidays we all seem to struggle a little harder and this year (#5) is no different for me.  Most days are bearable but I have to avoid all the commotion.

Connie, I see that you finished your song and posted it on YouTube.  It's beautiful and I thank you for sharing it with us.  I hope it has brought you a good feeling and I know Daniel is so proud of you.

May you all have the strength you need to get through the next month.  I hope you take care of yourselves and focus on one day...Today.  Try not to think ahead or back.  We just need to get through today.  Love & blessings to each of you.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 8, 2015 at 6:30am

Jill I feel for you.  Your words are words I have said many times myself. 

I'm having a hockey tournament in Michael's name this weekend.  This year we added a hockey essay contest with a hockey scholarship as the prize.  I should feel good but yet I feel so sad. 

Every night I go outside and look at our tree. to me it represents our kids.

That's all I got. This is Christmas right now, the tree outside and the tournament. It's slowly taking new shape.  Michael loved Christmas so I think he would be proud of his holiday tournament. 

Dolly I think because we grieve our children so bad senseless killings make absolutely no sense to us and like you it angers me. 

Comment by Jill E on December 7, 2015 at 11:59pm

1st year of missing my son Josh is almost over only to begin year 2. My friend brought over junk food and a movie so I would not stay in bed all day with covers over my head. I don't know if it helped or just delayed the breakdown. Please Christmas be over. I never knew anything could hurt so bad. Pain so intense, hurting to my very core. What I would do to have my Josh back. I love you Joshie, my wonderful amazing son. WYWH

Comment by Dolly on December 6, 2015 at 8:39am

I find myself distancing myself from attachments in this world.. at least all those that don't really care about me anyway.. I still cling with a fierce protective love to those who at least act like they care.. the others are becoming like total strangers to me and I don't find myself worrying about them at all anymore.. I know that's hard hearted but it is what it is... even worrying about losing the extremely few people who do care and whom I care deeply for is so difficult because there's always the fear I will have to face losing them too... I just would rather die and go on ... that's selfish too I guess.. well those who don't care about me and never really did have always told me I'm selfish.. so they will be happy ... and it doesn't matter to me.. this world is turning into a hell hole anyway... in many ways I'm relieved that Brandon isn't going to be faced with being killed off by those people conniving to rid society of all those they don't think are worth anything... soon it will be the muslims murdering the Christians in our own back yard.. oh wait.. they're already doing that.. and we have a government that doesn't care about us at all... and would as soon see us murdered as not... I for one have had enough of this world.. I plan to celebrate Christmas as MUCH as I can stand just because I believe that soon we will have Christmas and Christianity and all manner of goodness slashed from our lives along with all our supposed rights.. this kind of world is not worth living in ..

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