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Comment by Judy Pugh on March 25, 2018 at 4:19am

I can so relate to what people are saying here. My youngest son’s birthday was last month and he would have been 26 this year. (Our first child who died as an infant would have been 34 this year). In October it will be the 5 year mark of our youngest son’s passing. It’s still so painful. About 9 months before he passed I was very ill and almost died myself. I counted myself so lucky that I didn’t, but then when he died I wished that God had just taken me when I was ill. If there is an answer as to why I was left to live when I really should not have made it only to then have my heart ripped out 9 months later I hope I get the answer someday. I am a person of faith and I do believe there are reasons things happen the way they do, but the answers rarely come on this side of the veil. My sister’s husband (who is not a young man and has never taken care of his health) just survived a heart attack by the skin of his teeth, and my sister keeps throwing around the “miracle” word like Pez candy. I guess I’m overly sensitive to the word “miracle” when I would have loved a miracle when either one of my sons died. She doesn’t realize I’m sure that expressions like that are painful for me. My husband and I are the only people in either family who have lost a child, and like I said we have lost two. While I don’t wish tragedy on anyone, sometimes it’s hard to take. Hopefully some of you can relate.

Comment by Connie K on March 24, 2018 at 2:12pm

Hello to all. It has been a while since I've posted. It's good to hear frm you Michelle.We've been walking this road together for almost the same ampunt of time. My Daniel has been gone for 5 years last Dec.1 This march 31 is his birthday. He would have been 23. I usuually do somehting special but this year because it falls on Easter weekend, I have conflicts.Not just with other obligations but with diffreing on what to do - how to honor him - with my husband. I can't take arguong about something like this. my heart is so broken wideopen, I can hardly stand it. These anniversaries are hard had hard. For me, as his mom, I have physical memories of bringing a human into this world. Altho many days I feel I have made progress, these days, I feel like I'm falling in an endless pit. What have I done in 5 years to be better? A lot of good and a lot of nothing. I feel no motivation for life, I feel like I can't handle one more thing. I feel lost. Still. I still feel regrets and guilt though I know these do no good for anyone. The problem is that as time passes everytime else seems like they think I should have"gotten over it and moved on in a positive way". I feel guilty for expressing the truth so I am more bottled up. I have retreated from many relationships because I don't have the acting skills to keep them up. I don't take very good care of myself and am a physical mess which depresses me even more. All I know is that I miss my sweet son as much as the day he left. I love you Daniel and wish I could be with you on your birthday.

 Now my mom is having heart issues. She is 88 and has to have surgery. We are very close but nit physically. She is on the east coast. She is the only one who remembers all the days, and always supports me. It is hard to think of losing her at this time. It's just all too hard right now.

I think of all of those who are in this boat with me. I pray for you all and send you love and hugs. It's only by my faith that he's ok and that we will be together again some day, that I survive.

Prayers to you Michele. ((( )))

Ginger - I am so very sorry for your loss <3

Comment by Michelle H on March 22, 2018 at 5:07pm

Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my son's sudden death. I can scarcely believe it's been that long. This is a hard journey.

Comment by Ginger on March 19, 2018 at 4:44pm

• Today is 1 month and 1 day that my daughter passed away from cancer and I miss her every day, so much so that I won't put her picture away because I don't want to forget her.

Comment by Grace on March 11, 2018 at 12:59pm

So....May 29 the will be 9 years..... I have the hole in my heart....I have tried to fill in some of that space by my memorial fund that gives families that have folk with special needs and serious medical issues hugs with random acts of kindness donation.  It helps to see the generosity of the donors and the emotional impact it has made for recipients.  Yes there is a void that will never be filled.....and it should never be gotten over.....but we all make a journey through it.....  Blessings to all of the ones who are still at the starting point....and maybe the finish line is at our own time to pass through this Journey to our next beginning.....PEACE 

Comment by Jesse's Mom on February 24, 2018 at 4:46pm

Hello, I have read through the comments left and have to say at a little over 5 years much is the same as what others wrote.

I have lost many contacts through this -- I have seen people behave in ways towards me and my family that were unimaginable. Many had an idea of how we should respond to the unrepentant girl who ran over my son...and made it clear their views of us...I trust no one now really...

Of course, all of those who pointed fingers or simply dumped on us went on in their life...we tend to isolate now...

I think this coming of spring can bring about anxiety all on its own...new beginnings except for us...no one in my circle can understand the level of hell we go through each day...yet my husband and I try to hold it together for my daughter's sake and grand children...

Teresa, sending healing prayers for your daughter...

I am sorry Windsor the additional pain you are facing...

To newcomers, I am sorry you have found the need for this type of group...it is a hard journey. 

I found this web site by Carol Kearns helpful early on in my grief journey...the author lost her daughter to drowning and later became a grief counselor. She was mentored by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. 

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/overview.html

Comment by B.Windsor on February 6, 2018 at 5:50pm

My heart continues to ache for all who have lost or/and continue to lose loved ones.  It is truly a heavy burden.  *Much love to you all!  Thank you--those who work for the site and comment and just keep going!  

i just wanted to share a brief update.  This past weekend, we traveled a few hours each way, so i could meet my grandson--finally.  It was a bit weird, since both his father and grandfather believed i was there to try to take Gabriel, and not simply visit.  (i'd tried calling several times, throughout January, as well as the first day of February, without anyone answering the phone.  *sigh)  So, i broke it down to them both, and made sure they understood my stance.  Needless to say, we visited for a few hours, and all i can truly say about my grandson:  He's his mother's child!  And, he's a trough of energy--not just a bowlful!  He looks so much like her, too.  i just hope they can keep at least some of their "word," since i've not had the best experience with that, as of yet.  

Comment by Judy Pugh on January 15, 2018 at 6:56pm

I’m so sorry Virginia. Life is so hard after a loss such as ours. Just know there are many people who understand your pain, people you will never meet but who have gone through this anguish you are feeling. You will make it through, please be gentle with yourself. 

Comment by Virginia on January 15, 2018 at 11:23am

I lost my beautiful daughter on 12/21/17.  I don't know what else to say, I think that says it all.  I am sad beyond belief. I don't want to be at home, I don't want to go to work.  Being around people is hard: either they don't talk to me because they don't know what to say, or they just want to tell me how sorry they are which makes me cry.  I feel I am neglecting my son, but it is so hard to play with him and try to have fun, when I am thinking of my daughter every minute of every day.

Comment by Bern on January 1, 2018 at 9:41pm

Here we are another year and no sons...Life is so changed. I just can not log in daily, it became overwhelming.

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