Comment

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 13, 2012 at 11:46pm

Dick I hope the plant survives. Funny thing is I read your post and said I understand. Then I realized my sister sent me a plant when my son passed and I have recently been a wreck trying to save it. I used an undiluted fertilizer on it by mistake more than a month ago. The leaves were turning brown and some wouldn't open. Neither would the flowers. I keep cutting and watering. Worried I'm going to lose it. I am not sure that though I have been upset about the plant that I really understood the significance until I read your post.

Comment by Karen R. on June 13, 2012 at 9:50pm

Great, hopefully your plant will revive itself.

Comment by Dick on June 13, 2012 at 8:30pm

Ladies and Gents, I just checked the plant and it still has a few green shoots on it left. I put it into Critical Care. I just don't understand? I have a green thumb and can grow anything. Rarely do things die, if it resurrects it will be the second time; I saw it as a sign from my father the first time. I hope it is not a bad sign from my son.

I was praying this afternoon on Danny's bench and all of a sudden a red rose popped into my mind. If I dream it is usually in black and white. This was odd, because every time I invoked Danny's name it would return. I hope this is good sign. 

Comment by Karen R. on June 13, 2012 at 1:33pm

Hey Dick, so sorry for the loss of your plant. I still have a plant from my son's funeral that I cherish more than words could express. I baby that plant, I would be devastated if something happened to it.

Comment by Karen R. on June 13, 2012 at 1:29pm

Hello to all, I haven't been on in a few but as I read, my heart aches with of you. Some days I just don't have any comments. Many hugs.

Comment by Karen R. on June 13, 2012 at 1:26pm

Hey Jessica, I was just strolling through the postings and your last one connected with me exactly. I feel like you about losing your mind. I don't want my son to come to me in different forms of life.....I want him NOW, in the life he had!!! I am soooooooo sick of this sh*t!!! Sorry if I sound angry but I am. I hate this crap! I ask myself all the time why do I have to accept this, how will this all ever be ok? I am sorry that I don't have any comforting words to offer. Thanks to all for listening.

Comment by lynne thompson on June 13, 2012 at 10:33am

   I truly am sorry Ammy, for what you are going through, with your granddaughter.   Life is so hard at times.   The death of a child , and in my case , 2, is just so wrong.  They were so hard to cope with when I had Bobby, gone, birthdays, anniverseries, ect, ect ........but now to go through this twice is overwhelming to me.....I feel that this is just my life and I cannot do anything about it.  I read a lot of bereavement books , and sometimes they do help, but the thing it is a hard path to go down.. The ones left behind are the one who suffer, I so badly wish it had been me instead of my children.   Dick , I know what you felt with that plant, this sounds so silly , but I had a fish and one morning a month ago , he had died....I sobbed for a day......I am so sorry for all on here for I do know your pain, but our children would not want this for us.....please take care everyone, and you are all in my heart when I think of the sadness of my own children......love, lynne

Comment by Ammy on June 13, 2012 at 8:22am

Hi Everyone, I just finished catching up with the posts.  I have been staying away as it was getting harder for me to be reading all this sadness, confusion, and hurt, but I know it's all normal.  I have the same things going on with me.  Each day is now a "how is today going to be?"  Can not plan ahead anymore.

Some days I am numb and just exist through the day, other days I will be okay, and then there are the days when the thoughts just won't give me a break.  Tears still flow often and I don't fight them.  I have figured that this is now my life.

Today is 100 weeks, tomorrow is his birthday.  I'm sad, but feel sort of numb to the fact.  It's still just another day to get through.  Have no plans to do anything.  Thought about it, but decided it doesn't really mean anything and will not help.  He's still not going to be here.

His daughter's mother has now taken our Granddaughter from us.  She is upset with me because I suspected some abuse and thinks I keep talking about it to her because she has moved on and is starting a new relationship.  I could care less about her new friend.  I love my Grandbaby and will do anything to protect her so now we have to go and file Custody papers with the court to be able to see her again.  Some people are so hateful.  I can't believe she would do this.  Not so much to us, but our Granddaughter has always spent two to four days a week with us since her birth.  She would call her PopPop if she hadn't seen him for two days and tell him to come get her.  My heart is now breaking for her too.

Life just seems to keep getting more difficult.

As for plants and flowers, we have made a small area in our back yard this year with flowers and put his little plaque there.  I can sit on the deck and look out and see it.  Gives some comfort at times.  I still have been able to keep the plants we received at first alive.  I don't know how they are living because I'm not a plant person and I just water them, but I'm grateful to still have them.

We all just need to do what we can for ourselves to get through these days.  I wish I had a solution to help, but I don't think there is one.  We all grieve the same and differently.  My husband also has his own way.  We do talk a little more now about our son, but for the first year we avoided it.  I think we both were afraid it would upset the other.

So you see that as I read your posts with all your confusion I also have mine.  We are normal in this new life we live.

Sending my love and wishing peace to you all.

Comment by Grace on June 13, 2012 at 5:19am

I never have been good with plants and flowers..... so I would not have been as upset because I have always had plants die.  It has been a long 3 years..... Yes has gone on... but it has been full of saddness, marital problems, issues with my other kids, and yes plenty of sobbing.  But I have also been able to have some good times.  My horse friends have listened and so have my other friends.  My family such as my siblings and mother have been a real let down.  I have felt like an abandoned child in a deep pit..... but there have been also the help from my friends....  I guess what I am saying to those of you with in the "Year" marker is that there will be ups and downs and somedays are roller coaster rides.... I've come 3 years... it has been an experience from hell.  But I have survived....and have re- prioritized things in my life.... learning from a real school of hard knocks.... I don't think the "Knocks" come any harder than this....

Comment by Michelle W on June 13, 2012 at 1:14am

Hey everyone, yes it's in the air. All night I could only think of what a horrible existance... My torn family ... I now have a very sad and angry daughter... That for the first time I can't make it better... And I have no drive to move forward ... Why would I my beautiful son is gone... I just go over in my head over and over did he suffer? Was it quick? I just can't except this ,,,, I just keep thinking how can I make this better????? I need him back....Dick... I love flowers and gardening. I was going to plant something beautiful and special for my son ... He really understood the joy they brought me.. But I refuse.. If it would die ,,,, I would die all over again ... I can't do it..

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