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Comment by Karen R. on June 20, 2012 at 9:41pm

Greetings Soliel's Mom, this is a club of forced membership.....no volunteers here!!!!! I am so sorry to learn of yet another parent's loss. It's so hard to see my son's friends and cousins go on with their lives as if he never existed. My children try to convince me otherwise, they tell me that I am just extra sensitive and that no one has forgotten him. No matter what, I still feel like they have. 

I depend so much on this group, everyone's support has been tremendous. It's makes a big difference to have your feelings validated and not criticized or judged. I sadly and regretfully welcome you with open arms.

Comment by Karen R. on June 20, 2012 at 9:29pm

Hello  Lorraine, nice and sad to hear from you all at the same time. You aren't kidding about the harsh reality that life goes on, even though I feel like mine's ended. Sometimes I just read everyone posts and don't comment.

Comment by lynne thompson on June 20, 2012 at 6:38pm

Grace, I swear this world is nuts.......this is a sick world....Congratulations and thank you  to your son, for making someones ' life worthwhile

Comment by Grace on June 20, 2012 at 5:10pm

I have had a benefit to remember my son... August 11 is the 4th Annual.. after the 3rd year without him.  We Raise money to give to other families living with special needs.... so far we have given $9000 out as Random Acts Of Kindness Donations.... I work this thing so hard... My son was an Organ, eye, Bone, Brain donor..... Last night I was thinking how this George Zimmerman raised $155000 to 200000 in donations to defend him in the Stand Your Ground for taking a young boy's life... where he should have just backed off and let the police check this kid out...... Amazed how I stuggle to help others in memory of my son and this guy gets a flood of money... just doesn't make sense to me...... 

Comment by Michelle W on June 20, 2012 at 3:22pm

Everyday is a challenge, I have spoke to everyone in a few days but I have taken in all your thoughts Karen, Grace I do live out this Sad movie over and over every day. I recently started a new job , I thought this would help ( working again) and show my daughter and husband that I was strong and maybe see less pain in their eyes... Now I'm really busy and when I'm done the pain and movie is just more intense.. I have to drive home on the freeway about 15-20 min. And there are not many cars at 2 am .. I see the car accident as if I was there.. I wonder was he in pain? Did he just pass quickly or did he feel everything hoping I could save him?? I just kills me then I see a police car racing somewhere and I think oh I hope it's not someone I know... I feel the pain so much more when I'm not at this place of work... I miss him.. I miss talk to him about him I was so proud of him..., my daughter and husband can't speak of him or his name without going into a coma as I call it so we silently do our business without speaking of him... I live on eggshells and tormented with constant pain... That I must hide to protect the ones I love ... I feel every word you all say... I'm so glad you are here with me it brings me some peace..., I feel like a zombie at work .. I know the people I work with know what happened but no one speaks of it.. It's like high school when I walk in a room everyone is quiet like they had all had been talking about me in secret... I'm sure it's my new paranoia ... I really feel like I won't survive this at times... Yet everyday I wake up and tell myself I need to make my daughter happy again.. So I fake it the best I can...

Comment by Grace on June 20, 2012 at 5:16am

breating in and out..... my former pastor asked what I am doing with all of this experience..... and I said I just wake up and know that I breathe in and out and take it one breath at a time somedays.....

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 19, 2012 at 11:12pm

I try to visualize the small things. His gentle touch, his silliness, the bounce in his walk. It should help but its painful.

Comment by lynne thompson on June 19, 2012 at 8:13pm

I  am so sorry to have you here Soliel's mommy , I am sorry we all have to be here.    To lose your child is truly the worse thing that can go wrong in a persons' life......the world just becomes so sad...and scary...but you are right , Lorraine, the harsh reality of life does go on.......

Comment by Soleil's Momma on June 19, 2012 at 8:03pm

My daughter was 17 yo, would have 18 now. All of her friends have graduated, it hurt sending them all graduation cards but I felt Soleil wanted me to. I miss her so much, Tuesdays are my therapy days and I struggle to keep the tears inside. I'm so happy I found this website, I work alot and have other children to care for so it's difficult for me to find time to make group meetings. Today is my first day on here and I just want to say I have felt and had the same thoughts...you all are NOT alone!

Comment by Lorraine on June 19, 2012 at 8:00pm

it's been awhile again; so often I find myself isolating or hiding from the world, and yet I stay so busy I can't think the rest of the time. Strange life this has become. Recently someone said, "the harsh reality is that life goes on," and I wanted to let them know that for us, our world ends, and we have to find a way around this new & sad world. I have missed everyone here; reading over comments and sending so much love. 

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