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Comment by Rosie Fletcher on July 5, 2012 at 10:26am

Yesterday was the second 4th of July without my son Sam.  We have spent it over my other's son's house since they are allowed to shoot off fireworks where he lives.  We've been buying one large firework to shoot off at the end in tribute to Sam.  Sam, LOVED LOVED the 4th of July and shooting off fireworks!  I always feel he is there in spirit to share and watch the fireworks we have for him.  I so miss him so much!! Hugs to you all.   Through us, our children are never forgotten because everyday we think of them.  We either have a smile from a good memory or a tear due to the heartache... but through us they'll never ever be forgotten. 

 

Comment by Grace on July 5, 2012 at 5:50am

I had an ok 4th.  Went horseback riding, did a few things to prepare for a camping trip... then picnic with close friends and watched a parade.   As cars were in the parade (Go Carts & Race Cars) I rememberred how Niles would have liked to see them.... but especially ride in one.   It has been 3 years .... and I still see his memories everywhere.   But I can still have some good in those days and memories.   I think the hardest thing to wrap my mind around is that his physical body has vanished.  And I can not hear his voice or touch him ever again.   But at the same time my memories prove he really did exist.   PEACE

Comment by Michelle W on July 5, 2012 at 3:36am

Today as everyday was hard. Like Robin and Adrianne my son loved the forth, he was vote this last year, his senior year most likely to be a politician ... He was so together .. I know we all have new thoughts and fears daily, so my new one is I just want to hear his voice or see him being him again... I know my daughter has a few videos friends had taken at school this year... But to ask her would just distroy her day.. Week.. Again walking on those eggshells but I just miss him.. I need to hear his voice again... I have been very busy starting a new job but when I leave I just cry all the way home. Being around the general public again is so hard, everyone looks like my son and I have this weird paranoia that people are watching me to see how I'm coping.. It's just weird so I'm probably just going bonkers.. Well another hard day.. Michelle

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 5, 2012 at 1:39am

Robin
My son loved the 4th too. So many memories. I don't know if I can do this either. Hugs

Comment by Robin Jone on July 4, 2012 at 11:56pm

Husband had to work tonight, my two youngest daughters are out of town, and my oldest daughter and her family who are living with us went to see fireworks. They invited me to go with them but I really wasn't up for it. I really needed some alone time. Zach loved the 4th of July, he loved setting off fireworks, one of his favorites. I took a walk around our neighborhood and watched and listened to all the fireworks going off. I just cried, missing him, so very much. My husband broke down today, and we talked hopefully that will help things a little. I got to have some me time, which allowed me to have my time where I can think about Zach and let it all out which I haven't done for awhile. I really needed to do that, even though it doesn't change anything. I talked to my brother who lost his son three years ago, and we talked about how if I forget that I just have to get through this moment. If I start thinking about having to go months, years, whatever without seeing Zach, that is when I really start to panic and the anxiety gets to breaking point. My husband said the same thing, some days he feels like he just doesn't know if he can do this. Do you all really panic when your other kids are away? That is what is really difficult, especially for my husband right now. He worries so much about them when they are out of town, what if something were to happen to them. I really try my best to turn it over, and know that it is not in my hands, but some days that is easier said then done. Sorry again I am rambling. Tough day. Hugs. Robin

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 4, 2012 at 1:12am

I understand Robin. My family is falling apart. I'm so sad.

Comment by Robin Jone on July 3, 2012 at 10:58pm

Hi everyone, so sorry I haven't been on for a while. Just moved my daughter and her family in with us for awhile. Life is so different these days. Today it has been 10 months since Zach's accident. I miss him so much, I still struggle with accepting that he is never coming home again. I just want to hug him and tell him I love him. What I would give for one more big Zach hug. It is nice having my family here, but I feel like I get so busy helping take care of my granddaugthers that I don't get that time that I had for me to think about Zach. Does that make sense, that I feel guilty when I get busy with everything and I am afraid he will think I fogot him. That will never happen. My husband is still having a really hard time, he suffers from clinical depression and I don't think he is taking his medication. If I question him about it, he gets angry, but it affects the whole family. He says that if he takes the medication, he feels numb and he doesn't want to feel numb. I was thinking the other day that it feels like our family is distancing themselves. We don't have that closeness, it is like everyone is constantly walking on egg shells. It really makes me sad, and then I get kind of angry at Zach for how this has affected us all. Then the guilt sets in for feeling that way. I know I am rambling. Thanks for always being here, it feels good to know you all understand. Big hugs to you all friends. Robin

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 29, 2012 at 2:14am

Karen
Thank you.

Comment by Karen R. on June 28, 2012 at 10:10am

Adrianne, take this big hug (       )!

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 28, 2012 at 1:44am

Really tough day.

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