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Comment by Karen R. on July 10, 2012 at 11:59pm

Yes Michelle, speaking for myself, I relate everything to my son. I don't know what's "normal" anymore. I am tormented by my thoughts of what my son must have felt before he loss consciousness.

I also am still going through the obsession of trying to find my son, meaning when I am out, I purposely look for young men/boys that look my my son. I still tell myself that i have been mistaken and look for my son to cone through the door daily. Some days I can't take the mental torture and i just want to disappear. I envy all of the parents that still have ALL of their children. If only I could see and hold him again.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 10, 2012 at 11:25pm

My day is just about the same Michelle. Hugs

Comment by Michelle W on July 10, 2012 at 11:08pm

Having another crazy sad day.. Does everyone relate everything to their child in some way or is this just me ...I feel like it shouldn't be this crazy.. At work on break I think of sharing a photo of my children with a coworker.. Then I start thinking oh I have my sons wallet in my purse ( I just can't seem to take it out)and then it goes to why did the police take his cell phone and wallet at the accident scene and not his keys.. And he had money in his pocket so it couldn't have been that they just wanted the valuables .., then it goes to and why would they give me a bag with his cut up clothes and shoes and stuff that wasn't even his from the accident .,, and what am I suppose to do with this bag I can't get rid of it and I can't open it... So this is how everything is with me.. Am I going loopy or is this normal.. I really try to keep my mind busy but it always happens ..is this normal or should I worry??

Comment by Michelle W on July 9, 2012 at 11:44pm

Thank for some insight.. Adrianne, I think I will read that., I just want to do what ever I can to have the chance to see him again... And i could not see having faith if god didnt take him in because of his unsureness,,, my husband is now reading all avenues and paths that may make him understand the whole picture and he was brought up catholic which of course makes me question things also ..,thank you again

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 9, 2012 at 11:33pm

I should clarify that it's not heaven I don't believe in. Regardless of what we call it, I believe God awaits us. Hell and the devil makes no sense.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 9, 2012 at 11:10pm

I read a lot and I had my beliefs before my son passed. I don't see God and the afterlife the way one would interpret the bible. So much was left out of the bible. I believe in God. I just don't think there's a heaven and a hell. Doesn't make any sense. God isn't going to throw his children in hell anymore than we would. I can and could and did forgive my son for anything. If I can forgive my God surely did. I believe as Dick does. The consciousness continues. A difficult to read (written many years ago in a flowery prose) is "through the mists" by James Lees. It's available as a free PDF online. I would urge you to read it. For me it was helpful.

Comment by Soleil's Momma on July 9, 2012 at 10:21pm

Michelle, Have peace in knowing that your son is with God. I was raised Catholic & Baptist but have since coverted after losing my daughter last year. Your concerns are normal and I had the same concerns myself. A week before I lost my daughter we had a brief discussion on God, she asked me if I believed and I whole-heartedly said YES. I was felt a quiet disappoinment in myself when I felt compelled to ask her...I was disappointed that the question actually had to be asked. Her response was "I don't know, sometimes I do, but I'm not sure." Looking back and having other children to raise I KNOW this is one of my biggest errors. But I felt a strong urge to respond to your comment...God is merciful! The children that we miss sometimes intervene for us. Michelle, your son is on the other side...he may have believed more than you know. God has many names in different religions, but we have only ONE God, the same God. I truly believe God understands us and accepts us for our weaknesses, if our hearts are pure and if we truly have good intentions now and in the afterlife then all will be alright. Fear is feeding the devil...don't give him that power of your thoughts, please. God bless you, and I hope you have some peace.

 

Comment by Michelle W on July 9, 2012 at 9:47pm

Growing up I learned many things of the church and all religions but was never baptized.. My mother always said you would take the beliefs of you spouse.. Well my husband is catholic but we never pushed religion or beliefs on or kids...giving them the freedom to choose.. So my son was a great young adult only making the best decisions... But was not involved with the church ... So my question is will god take him in because if this is the case of course I would want to see him again.. And have great faith... But he didn't not beleive but he didn't beleive that I know of..., what do I do???

Comment by Karen R. on July 9, 2012 at 8:14pm

Hello to all, I have had dreams/visions of my son before but no where near as many as I would like. Actually, I just want my son back......no dreams. The 1st dream I ever had, someone else interpreted it as my son sending me a message. I dreamed that I was part of a team that was responsible for studying and caring for one particular snake. The snake was mostly yellow. When I described the snake, I was told that it was a python.  In the dream, the snake was contained in box in a lab setting. Myself and 2 others were holding down the lid to keep the snake from escaping because it began to go crazy and was trying to break out. It had super strength, we could barely hold on. Finally I decided to lay my body across the top of the lid to add more pressure but snake snake became more angered and knocked me off and it escaped. It ran out into the jungle and we began to chase it through thick bush and mountains, I decided to end the chase and told the others just let it be. I was so sad but i said we can't capture it. 

It was interpreted as the snake being my son, they said that yellow color was good but black would have been bad. They said that my son was trying to tell me that it wasn't good that I had been trying to hold on to him, for he had been on life support and declared brain dead, much to my denial. They said it was my son's way of letting me know that I did the "right" thing. I had this dream about a month after he passed away. I still have tremendous guilt over whether or not I made the right decision in ending his life support. I feel like I helped kill my son. Does anyone else have any other interpretations on this dream, either negative or positive?

Comment by Ammy on July 9, 2012 at 2:52pm

Going to go out on a limb here, but would really like to hear your opinions.

Would you feel better if your loved one was only sleeping?  

What do we know when we are asleep?

When we wake we have no idea how much time has passed.  We have just been at rest.

What if we just sleep when we die until it's time for all to wake up? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also believe what Dick said about being with God at the end,  but there are conditions.  And the end is not here yet.  So where are we until the end?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for dreams...  They say everyone dreams, but some do not remember.  I have always been a non dreamer or non remember-er for the most part.  I remember an occasional dream and sometimes fragments of a dream.  I have had 3 dreams of my son.  Two were so short.  One was more detailed.  I have to admit that I was happy to have them even though the two short ones were not pleasant, but at least I saw him and was with him.

Well, that's my crazy talk for today.  Let me know what you think.

Sending hugs to all and hoping for a calm week.

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