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Comment by Karen R. on July 18, 2012 at 11:04am

hugs to all

Comment by Robin Jone on July 17, 2012 at 11:23pm

Hi friends, haven't had a chance to get on for awhile. My oldest daughter, and my two granddaughters moved in with us so life is a little hectic around here these days. It is usually very good for me, my granddaughters are such a blessing, but I admit I miss my alone time, time when I allow myself to miss Zach and grieve. Today was my youngest daugther's birthday. Before she was born I remember Zach saying that if the baby ended up being another sister he was going to stab himself in the head (he was very dramatic). When Meg was born, I told my sister in law to watch Zach closely when she told him he had another sister (he had no brothers). He was okay with having another sister, and ended up being very close to Meg. The two of them would hang out and do things together all the time, especially as they got older. I missed him so much today, knowing he should have been there with us. Knowing we were all thinking the same thing, all of us missing him. I hate that we all have to hurt and miss our kids so much. I am still trying so hard to accept it and come to grips with the fact that no matter what I do, I can't ever change it. I too worry that he might have been scared or suffered. They told us that he fell approximately 80 feet and that he wouldn't have suffered, but do they really know? What did he think about when he was falling, was he scared? I try to stop those thoughts but I can't help it sometimes. I can only pray, and believe that some day I will see him again. I don't blame God, but I sure do have some questions for him. So very sorry, and you are all so right, unless you have lost a child you just don't understand. So glad you all understand. Big hugs. Robin

Comment by Michelle W on July 17, 2012 at 9:39pm

Elaine, Rosie, I get it... I went to see a mom of one of my sons closest friends and she had shown me a journal she had kept, the entry was from eight years prior when she had met my son and what a great boy he was and what a great friend he was to her son...this was heartbreaking to read... He was good..then she went on to let me know how sorry she was about the graduation...the girl my son went to prom with the prior year wrote a piece on changing lanes and surviving... Then another girl wrote about things being buried but they may come back to life... Not my son of course ... She also thought they where inappropriate for what had happened,,,,me I just cried hoping we could leave soon.. My phone has every text message I could keep of my son and I communicating ... I was his last message...today is really going bad again....hugs to all we all need them....

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on July 17, 2012 at 5:51pm

Sending Hugs to you Elaine!

 

Comment by lynne thompson on July 17, 2012 at 10:58am

Oh Rosie, can you believe that.........No , people will never ever ever get it.......someone who has lost a child are the only people that get it.  It is so sad and so lonely to travel this road with your friends.  A support group that consists of people that have lost their children will get it, but that is all.   Sometimes I am alone much more than I actually want to, for that reason.  I am sorry Rosie, but I do know and it is so sad....thank goodness for Compassionate Friends.....I would be lost without that group, even though I feel so lost anyway......

 

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on July 17, 2012 at 8:48am

Today I wanted to share a conversation I had with a friend.  It just confirms time and time again, that people who have not gone through what we have gone through just do not get it.  They're not trying to be mean.... they just don't get it!!!  Here is the conversation.

 

Friend:  Its is great to remember those who have moved on to the next world. Please continue, but do not forget to hold those who are living very close as well.  They need it the most.

Me:  It's a fine balance these days.

Me:  To lose a child, it's something you never wish on anyone.  And when you actually go through it.... it is beyond comprehension.  I never understood what parents went  through until it happened to Bill and I.  Will I ever be the same person I was before March 3rd, 2011?  No...   Have I grown as a human being after experiencing something this terrible?  Yes.  I show the people in my life that I love them in so many ways.  But they also know that a part of me is still hurting and missing my son Sam.  There is that void that never will be filled until I get to see Sam again.  My family have learned to give me my space and respect those days that are not to good for me and let me be.  I'm strong and I carry on to do what needs to be done but I've also learned the hard way that sometimes, I don't have to be strong and I can lean on my family and friends for support.  I love you all for the support you have shown Bill and I and our families go through this.  Namaste.

Friend:   I am glad to hear you talking this out. I can only relate to this as of June 30 this year, when my dog died. There is an empty place in my being, so I can relate somewhat. Sorry

Me:  Sorry to hear about your dog.  They are part of our families too.

Comment by Karen R. on July 12, 2012 at 12:08pm

Thanks Rosie, that was very encouraging.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on July 11, 2012 at 8:07am

I believe with all of my heart that God is merciful.  Our children did not suffer or feel the pain while crossing over.   Angels, their guardians and any family that had already crossed over was there to meet them to help with the transition.  My mother-in-law whom I loved dearly was there to greet my son.  This gives me comfort that he was not alone.  These are just my thoughts and feelings to be true.  Hugs to you all.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 11, 2012 at 1:27am

Im afraid My boy suffered. I'm afraid he was scared.

Comment by Michelle W on July 11, 2012 at 12:47am

Thank you for the support Adrianne and Karen, some days I just feel like its too much... Karen, I can only sleep in my bed if I beat my husband there and if he wakes me up or if I'm the last to sleep its on the coach ... I just can't bear to go to bed without my kids being home... I always waited up now for nothing,,, but it just doesn't seem right to just go to sleep without my son home... I guess it's just my mind trying to fix it??? And yes I always look for my son when I'm out.. Everyone looks like him or dresses like him ...this is to painful to except.. People expect for you to except and go on but they don't understand I am changed I spend all my time in pain thinking of my baby.. And why

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