Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
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Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.
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Apparently, life moves on. My son's girlfriend has a new relationship now. Life moves forward.
Well, late yesterday evening around dusk, I was laying on the bench in the church garden looking at the sunset and talking with Danny. The police came by and thought I was drunk or homeless. When I told him the bench was my son's memorial and I was talking to him, he just said "Sorry" and went on his way. I guess he thought I was crazy???
I am within 30 days of one year without Danny. It is getting hard, I am weeping a lot. I try to tell Danny I forgive everything and I love him so much. I just don't feel like a father any longer, I feel washed up. I should be celebrating his marriage or birth of a grandchild. It has been stolen from me. I am saddened by the current situation that I cannot change.
hugs to all
Hi friends, haven't had a chance to get on for awhile. My oldest daughter, and my two granddaughters moved in with us so life is a little hectic around here these days. It is usually very good for me, my granddaughters are such a blessing, but I admit I miss my alone time, time when I allow myself to miss Zach and grieve. Today was my youngest daugther's birthday. Before she was born I remember Zach saying that if the baby ended up being another sister he was going to stab himself in the head (he was very dramatic). When Meg was born, I told my sister in law to watch Zach closely when she told him he had another sister (he had no brothers). He was okay with having another sister, and ended up being very close to Meg. The two of them would hang out and do things together all the time, especially as they got older. I missed him so much today, knowing he should have been there with us. Knowing we were all thinking the same thing, all of us missing him. I hate that we all have to hurt and miss our kids so much. I am still trying so hard to accept it and come to grips with the fact that no matter what I do, I can't ever change it. I too worry that he might have been scared or suffered. They told us that he fell approximately 80 feet and that he wouldn't have suffered, but do they really know? What did he think about when he was falling, was he scared? I try to stop those thoughts but I can't help it sometimes. I can only pray, and believe that some day I will see him again. I don't blame God, but I sure do have some questions for him. So very sorry, and you are all so right, unless you have lost a child you just don't understand. So glad you all understand. Big hugs. Robin
Sending Hugs to you Elaine!
Oh Rosie, can you believe that.........No , people will never ever ever get it.......someone who has lost a child are the only people that get it. It is so sad and so lonely to travel this road with your friends. A support group that consists of people that have lost their children will get it, but that is all. Sometimes I am alone much more than I actually want to, for that reason. I am sorry Rosie, but I do know and it is so sad....thank goodness for Compassionate Friends.....I would be lost without that group, even though I feel so lost anyway......
Today I wanted to share a conversation I had with a friend. It just confirms time and time again, that people who have not gone through what we have gone through just do not get it. They're not trying to be mean.... they just don't get it!!! Here is the conversation.
Friend: Its is great to remember those who have moved on to the next world. Please continue, but do not forget to hold those who are living very close as well. They need it the most.
Me: It's a fine balance these days.
Me: To lose a child, it's something you never wish on anyone. And when you actually go through it.... it is beyond comprehension. I never understood what parents went through until it happened to Bill and I. Will I ever be the same person I was before March 3rd, 2011? No... Have I grown as a human being after experiencing something this terrible? Yes. I show the people in my life that I love them in so many ways. But they also know that a part of me is still hurting and missing my son Sam. There is that void that never will be filled until I get to see Sam again. My family have learned to give me my space and respect those days that are not to good for me and let me be. I'm strong and I carry on to do what needs to be done but I've also learned the hard way that sometimes, I don't have to be strong and I can lean on my family and friends for support. I love you all for the support you have shown Bill and I and our families go through this. Namaste.
Friend: I am glad to hear you talking this out. I can only relate to this as of June 30 this year, when my dog died. There is an empty place in my being, so I can relate somewhat. Sorry
Me: Sorry to hear about your dog. They are part of our families too.
Thanks Rosie, that was very encouraging.
I believe with all of my heart that God is merciful. Our children did not suffer or feel the pain while crossing over. Angels, their guardians and any family that had already crossed over was there to meet them to help with the transition. My mother-in-law whom I loved dearly was there to greet my son. This gives me comfort that he was not alone. These are just my thoughts and feelings to be true. Hugs to you all.
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