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Comment by Karen R. on August 7, 2012 at 10:12pm

Hello to all, haven't been on in awhile but have read through recent postings. As usual, my heart hurts with everyone, I can relate to everyone's words. I haven't been able to find the words to even type. I am still very angry and I also feel like this life isn't really a "good" deal. What's good about all of this pain and sadness. I will NEVEr be happy again......unless my son comes back to me whole and unharmed.

Comment by Michelle W on August 2, 2012 at 2:36am

Adrianne, I feel and know your pain...the horrible thoughts are there , reliving that night forever .... I feel so judged by all... If anyone around me knew how bad this is.... He was my son...my strength... My inspiration ...my heart... Even when he was in teenager mode I love being around him.... I was so proud of him... Now I can't even mention his name or anything without the discomfort it brings ..,, I just want to scream his name out... Yes he did exist it wasn't a dream....big hugs to all..,

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 2, 2012 at 12:37am

I have nightmares in my head during the day. It hurts. I don't want to picture the stuff I am. Who thought life was a good deal?

Comment by Michelle W on August 1, 2012 at 11:17pm

Hi all,
So I just had a really bad one... Day that is... So I go in to audition for a better position where I work... I have always categorized myself as cheery, outgoing, confident....well now not so cheery and that's understandable... But when I got in the room panic attack...I really can't even remember much except I will be trying again in a month...I have never ... Ever had that happen to me no confidence. And couldn't even shake it off.... And still all I can think is I've changed... Do I need therapy?? Can I ever function again... I'm so embarrassed ... I have this nausea now... Has this happened to anyone???or should I seek help?? I don't want to leave my house ever again .....Michelle

Comment by Grace on July 31, 2012 at 5:41am

It has been more than 3 years.... and with my 4th Annual Benefit coming up ... I continue to feel sorrow... replay those movies in the brain....   I haven't felt very well in the last week or so,,,, niether has my husband... we could not possibly have this at the same time Psychologically?   I keep his face in my brain.....  still hard to believe that my life has changed so much without him.... I still cry and get the blues.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 30, 2012 at 11:56pm

Dick
I lost my Don August 17th last year. I'm feeling the same as you do. I'm trying to get the courage to tape the messages he left on my cell. At a year AT&T deletes them. It's making me sick. I keep thinking of everything we did this time last year. It will be forever engraved in my mind. Especially where I thought I could have changed the outcome. I understand your pain. Prayers for you.

Comment by Ammy on July 30, 2012 at 9:37pm

Dick, I have just passed the 2 years (July14) and if it helps you I would like you to know that I have periods of time when I feel I'm doing better and maybe the hard part is finished, but it always seems to come back again.  Not quite as hard as before, but it's there.  I think it will always be with us, but gradually lessen in its intensity. 

It's like that saying they have about grief.  "You don't get over it, you get through it'.

Hang in there.  Minute by minute or day by day.  Just get through it.  You will have those less intense days again.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  {{{Hugs}}}

Comment by Dick on July 30, 2012 at 8:11pm

Thanks Ammy.

I am sorry, I thought I was getting better; but I am two weeks out from August 14 the day my son and my soul died. I am weeping everyday, I am sad a lot and it is getting worse. I feel like a failure constantly. I sometime feel like this is a bad dream and I will wake hopefully soon. I am just plain miserable.

Comment by Ammy on July 30, 2012 at 5:48pm

Hi everyone,

I couldn't post what I had as it said it had too many characters so I put it as a blog.  I hope you will read it.

I received the writing from a friend, and it really touched me.  I don't know who wrote it.  Maybe a grieving parent that truly understands, but it's written as coming from a friend or maybe an angel.  I don't know, but oh how it made me wish my family and friends got it like this writer has.

Dick, just substitute he in where it says she.  I know it relates to you as well.

I posted it as:

Open Letter to a Closed-Off Heart... Loss of a child

 

Hope you all are okay.  {{{HUGS}}}

 

Comment by Michelle W on July 29, 2012 at 12:54am

I have a hard time remembering anything... I have a list for everything....

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