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Comment by Ammy on August 11, 2012 at 12:00am

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to Sherry & Pat.  You are not alone.  We understand what you are feeling even if you think no one else can understand.  Your loss is so fresh and you are now starting a new life.  One that I hope won't be so terribly cruel.

For most of us we have discussed the 'getting over it' comments from others so I would like to share something from another parent that we can all relate to in some way.

You Should Be Over "IT"...But What Is "IT"?

It's been a year or several years, you should be over it. What
exactly is "IT"?  But do people who have never suffered loss
really know what "IT" is? To us, the bereaved...

"IT" is five days after the funeral, and your world caves in with
reality of the loss.

"IT" is your first day back to work when every minute you are 
afraid you will burst into tears.

"IT" is going back into that church for the first time and 
remembering, but not remembering, and feeling that all eyes
are on you.

"IT" is dealing with all the legality of estates and such when all 
you want to do is hibernate .

"IT" is Thanksgiving Day. trying to find something to be thankful
for.

"IT" is Christmas without the merry, and New Years without the
happy.

"IT" is their birthday, but there is no them to celebrate.

"IT" is Valentine's Day, only this time no hearts and flowers to
share with them, and your heart is broken.

"IT" is your birthday, and there is still no them to celebrate it
with.

"IT" is springtime when everything comes alive except you, that is.

"IT" is Easter and everyone is singing "Let us Rejoice and be Glad"
but there is no rejoicing and no glad in your heart.

"IT" is Mother's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a
mother made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over
the birth.

"IT" is Father's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a
Father made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over
the birth.

"IT" is the 4th of July and the celebrations remind you just how
little you feel you have to celebrate now.

"IT" is vacation time and you just stay home, because there is
nowhere to go to not feel so empty.

"IT" is Halloween and you pass out candy, but you remember all
the memories of past happy times together and it makes you sad.

"IT" is looking at the moon and wondering if they see the same
moon like the two of you always did in the past.

"IT" is receiving the first wedding invitation to their friend's
wedding and knowing that life goes on without your loved one.

"IT" is going to another funeral for the first time and feeling
yourself shaking all over, too distraught to stay, but unable to
leave.

"IT" is being strong when you really feel weak.

"IT" is a whole big bunch of stuff you didn't ask for, didn't want
and can't even give away.

"IT" is going to the cemetery and seeing the monument with their
name or even face. and it hits you in the face that THlS IS REAL!

"IT" is feeling like a traitor when you get rid of their personal
belongings.

"IT" is approaching an anniversary of their death and reliving
it all - oh yes, some things might be better but the void is no less.

"IT" is people forgetting and you cry, and people remembering and
you cry.

"IT" is a future of unknowns and uncertainties and emptiness.

"IT" is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking
breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your
dreams ...

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 10, 2012 at 11:11pm

Dick
What are you and your family doing on the 14th?

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2012 at 12:54pm

Hey Dick, I use to be angry at my son for "leaving" me also, I thought he was punishing me for the argument we had when he was convinced that I didn't take his side in a problem he was having with  a family member but now I realize that he would NEVER not fight for his young life. He loved his life. He loved his family and friends, hanging out, making his music. He loved life. He had so many plans and he had set so many goals for him self. He also hated to see me in pain, emotional or physical. If any thing, I am now tortured by my thoughts of him being angry that he was robbed of his young life, I use to hear him crying to me and saying "mom, look at me, look at what they did to your son!!" I am feeling guilty by terminating his life support, I feel like he's angry that I didn't give him enough time to recover from his brain injury, I feel like he feels like I gave up on him. I feel like he thinks I betrayed him by donating one of his kidneys. Now I live with...if you call this living, the guilt of contributing to my son's demise, his ending. He was supposed to have gotten better, he was suppose to have become whole again.

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2012 at 12:36pm

Greetings Sherry, so sorry that you have involuntarily joined this sad club. So sorry for your pain that I can relate to all too well. There are really no comforting words. My son passed away almost 3 yrs ago and my pain and grief is just as intense as it was the day that I was told that there was nothing else they could for my 21 yr son, my baby. It has not eased one bit. I will forever be broken. 

Some days i am on this site 2-3 times a day or more and others, I can't seem to get on, I'll be lost for words and won't get on for days. For me, the most important thing I get from this group is having my feelings validated and not judged by people who unfortunately get "it". They sincerely relate to my pain. As you scroll through the many postings and blogs, I am sure that you will see how much we all try to support one another.

Many hugs to you.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 9, 2012 at 11:57pm

Dick
I feel the same way about my Donnie.

Comment by Dick on August 9, 2012 at 11:29pm

I find myself getting mad at Danny for leaving. :(

Comment by Grace on August 9, 2012 at 8:16pm

Sherry...  it is so sad to have lost 2 at the same time.  Did she leave other Children behind?  I don't have any words to offer you any comfort.... I sit at my keyboard and wish I did.... but we all have had these same emotions and words just can't help.  This weekend is the 4th Annual Niles benefit that I raise money to help families still living with special needs in memory of my son who died in May 2009.  I cried til my nose could not breathe in the shower today.....  He was 14... (WOULD BE 17 Now) but is forever 14..... he had Autism and sometimes quite a challenge.... but I will always love and miss him.

I don't know what I can say to you except that it is still unbelievable that he is gone and although I have gotten to this point... I still have painful days.... and there are still times that I am Lost....PEACE

Comment by Sherry Ray on August 9, 2012 at 5:34pm

Another hard day which is just one of many to face. My daughter was 7 months pregnant and due to the complications of it I lost her and my granddaughter. Harley was beautiful and should have been due this month. (It has been almost 3 months since I lost my daughter.) The pain is almost more than I can bear at times. I feel so lost.

Comment by Grace on August 8, 2012 at 1:55pm

so sorry to have to welcome you to our group.....  it is soooo hard to lose a child.....  hope you can find a place to vent here,,,,it has helped me.

Comment by Sherry Ray on August 8, 2012 at 1:47pm

Hello. Don't know where to begin except I am missing my daughter so bad. 

 

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