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Comment by Grace on August 13, 2012 at 1:06pm

Sherry... you know it is now how we all see how random our lives are.... as you say.... in an instant our lives have changed.  and we are so NOT in Control....  it is hard to admit that there really is nothing we can control.... this... the weather.... and just random tragic events.  If she did not know it was coming it could be what everyone says is a "Blessing"...... And the one who dies from cancer we say has time to "Say Good bye" and resolve unfinished business ...so That is a "Blessing"     BUT the curse is SUDDENLY has no chance to say "Good Bye" and the Long Linger and Suffering is that of the one that Does.....

Any event we still miss them terribly..... and in the end we are empty and left wanting them.

 

Saturday was the "Benefit" I hold to honor my son and to give money to other families still living with a special Need.... It was one of the easier ones to plan.... the 4th one....and the sun was shining... great food, entertainment.... but such low attendance.... I was discouraged... does anyone even care about this mission any more or do they think maybe I should just "GO ON" and stop this Memorial Fund?  I could not control the weather or if anyone would come.

So I can somewhat understand how Dick feels about staying private.... it protects ones self from seein the world go on with out them.

But then one of the Special Guest went into the race car pits and came out with a smile ear to ear and was so happy that I arranged this event.  His guardian looks at me and says.... (Can I Cry?) Happy that someone made her grandson so happy.....  I said.... "Can I Cry?"  because even though this whole event would be said to have been a "FLOP" this year.... a couple of my "Special Guests" had a great day.... so Maybe I need to find a better way of looking at this?    As I go into my work today A(Sheltered Workshop for the Disabled) We decided that these folks are having a "Company Picnic" with all the left over food from the benefit..... OK  My Mission of doing "Random Acts Of Kindness" WILL Continue..... This 4th Annual IS a SUCCESS!

Comment by Sherry Ray on August 13, 2012 at 12:11pm

 I know how you all feel. I wake up each day and stay to myself this is just a bad dream. I ache to hear her voice and long to hold her. Just to hear the words mom I needed to hear your voice because I'm having a bad day. On the worst of days she could smile and everything would seem better. I remember holding my granddaughter for the first and only time and saw so much of her mother. It wasn't supposed to be this way. She wanted to be a mother so bad. This was going to be my first grandchild and I was so excited. What is really hard is that I spoke to her a couple of hours before I got the call. She was having a good day and she was at work on her break. She was talking about Harley kicking and squirming and how she was craving a cheeseburger. After a few moments of just hey mom just wanted to say hi and I love you, I will talk to you tomorrow, she was gone. She never knew what happened. She had a pulmanary embolism (blood clot to the heart). I feel guilt everyday that I wasn't there like I could put a bandage on it and make it all go away. Prayers and hugs to all and please remember to keep me in your prayers also.    

Comment by Dick on August 13, 2012 at 9:18am

Today, one year ago was the last time I saw him alive. I too play this over and over in my head. I remember asking him if he was still on for go with the church for community service. His answer was "yep". I headed out to help a friend move; I wish I had never gone. I feel guilty.

Please say a prayer for Danny and my family.

Comment by Karen R. on August 12, 2012 at 11:43pm

I don't know if anyone else feels this way but I feel like I will never be able to say GOODBYE to my son, I equate that as being final and I can not accept that my son is gone, I just don't want to believe it. I still hope that I will wake up from this nightmare. It's like that dreaded "d" word.....died, oh how hard it is for me to say it! Passed, passed away, crossed over, sounds and feels so much more gentle and softer to me. The "d" word feels so final, like that's it, no more, it's so hard for me to think of my son that way, he is my son and will ALWAYS be my son, never to be forgotten or a mere memory. My pain and sorrow is so profound, I don't know how I am surviving this. I want my son, I want my son, I want my son!!!!!

Comment by Karen R. on August 12, 2012 at 11:31pm

Oh wow, I think of the last time I saw my son everyday, all day. It plays like a movie in my head.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 12, 2012 at 10:36pm

I don't want anything that feels like another service either Dick.

Comment by Ammy on August 12, 2012 at 10:05pm

Dick, I understand your wanting to be private, and please don't take this the wrong way, but may I suggest that you ask his friends to take pictures or video for you of their get together.  You don't have to look at it right away or ever, but if you should ever want to, then you will have it.  For our family, we each wrote a small note to Charles and tied them to balloons and released them.  Something private you and your family may want to do.  I'm glad we did it.  Whatever you do is good as long as you are comfortable with it.  I know the extra stress you are feeling about this.  You are in my prayers.  {{{Hugs}}}  

Comment by Ammy on August 12, 2012 at 9:56pm

Adrianne, I'm so sorry.  It's so hard remembering.  I often think of the last time I saw my son.  I just wish I had not gone to sleep and then maybe........  No, it wouldn't have mattered.  I am sorry though for your pain.  Sorry we are all in pain.  ♥

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 12, 2012 at 9:45pm

This day last year was the last day I saw my son. Heartache.

Comment by Dick on August 12, 2012 at 2:44pm

We are going to the church garden first and the minister will meet us there to say little vigil. Then meet my mother at 2 PM to go to the gravesite to sit for a while that is all.

I think his friends are planning something but I want to be excluded from it; seemed to much like a funeral all over again. I wished them well.

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