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Comment by Robin Jone on September 18, 2012 at 1:11pm

I have not been on here for a couple of months. In June my oldest daughter and my two granddaughters moved in with us while her husband is doing an internship out of town. While it has been very good for me, it can also be hard because I do not have that down time to myself to think about Zach. September 3rd was the first year anniversary of his death. Leading up to the day was probably harder than the actual day. I don't know if this happens to the rest of you, but all I could do for a couple of weeks or so was think, a year ago he was still here. Then as it got closer I kept having flash backs of the worst day of my life. In some ways it seemed like yesterday, I could remember it all so vividly. The phone call from his friend telling us about Zach falling from the waterfall. I still have such a hard time believing that it is true, though I know it is, he would never have not come home for this long. On the other hand, it feels like forever ago that I got to hug  my son. Or was able to tell him how much I love him. A friend of my youngest daughter, was just killed over a week ago in a car accident, she was only 19. It was so incredibly heartbreaking for me to know the pain that her family is going to endure for a very long time. We still have not really done a memorial for Zach, I think we just didn't want to face the reality of him really not coming back.  What have others done in memory of their child? My husband and I, and Zach's three sisters all got tattoos of some sort in memory of Zach. He was a musician and he loved skateboarding. My next door neighbor's son skateboards all the time, it always makes me smile but also makes me miss Zach so very much. My heart aches for all the new members who are on the site now. I am so very sorry that you have to feel the pain we all deal with. This site has been a big help to me, I always felt like I could say whatever I needed to on here, and you all would understand. Like Karen said, I will forever be broken, I will never be the Robin that I used to be, but like a friend told me who's son was murdered years ago, you can chose to survive this or you can give up. As much as some days I would like to give up, I could not do that to the rest of my family. I do have happy times with the rest of my family, but I always feel Zach's absence deeply. I pray that we will all chose to survive this, and continue to live life one day at a time. Big hugs and prayers for all. Robin

Comment by Michelle W on September 18, 2012 at 3:21am

Hi Shirley, welcome, I found this place has gotten me through some of the worst times ..... I lost my son Billy on November 26, 2011 he was seventeen ,just comming home from a school football game...the shock of the event still has not made me believe this is true... Just miss my son..,,I hope there is something you can find here to help you ..

Comment by Karen R. on September 17, 2012 at 10:30pm

Greetings Shirley yax, I agree, it is so very hard to welcome someone here, this "club" has a INvoluntary membership. My heart hurts with yours over the loss of your child. My 21yr old son passed away 2yrs and 11months ago while driving his friend's motorcycle. I will forever be broken. When I first joined this site, I scrolled through and read many, many postings before I actually posted my feelings. It means so much to have your feelings and thoughts validated and NOT judged or critized, especially from those that truly get "it".

Comment by Grace on September 17, 2012 at 6:05pm

Hi Shirley Yax... I guess we should say "Welcome"  Although I think none of us really want to be here.... Sorry about your son... My son was 14 and died 2009.  I found some support here.... I hope you do.

Comment by Shirley yax on September 17, 2012 at 5:21pm

hello everyone this is my first time online here. i lost my son in december and have tried to do it my way ever since.. my way hasnt been working and with jordans birthday and the holidays coming up i need support

Comment by Sherry Ray on September 17, 2012 at 1:15pm

Hey everyone. Really struggling today. I can't believe how insensitive people can be to take down a memorial Karen. We all love our child or children beyond measure. I to struggle over things I don't feel I done right.  I keep us all in prayers. 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on September 16, 2012 at 11:21pm

Thank you Vicki. I read everything everyone writes. And my heart hurts for us all.

Comment by Karen R. on September 16, 2012 at 8:28pm

Hello everyone, thanks for all of the support. It means so much to me. Does anyone else have a memorial of some sort for their child, whether it be a plant, a bench or picture memorial like I have ? 

Brenda Ann, you couldn't be more right about a heavy heart. 

Hello Grace, I truly understand  how you feel but I am glad that your tests were ok. This pain that we are all going through can be so unbearable.

Comment by Angel on September 16, 2012 at 8:49am

Karen I also don't think anyone has the right to do this...but you.

 

Brenda ..well said...you said a book in a few short sentences...

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 16, 2012 at 4:08am

We have heard statements like heavy heart, broken heart - I think that these are not just symbolisums used in poetry - these are literal. Grief has left us very much aware of the weight of our own heart because we can "feel" it in our chest and the pain is coming directly from its center.

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