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Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 11:42pm

Ok, that's great that you are at a place where you are coping and doing fairly well. I am sure there are good days and bad days. Once again, I am sorry and maybe you will drop in again.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 11:31pm

Hello Fran, I am so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine losing 2 children.  I am not familiar with that disease. No parent wants to bury their child. There are really no comforting words but I am always willing to listen.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 9:16pm

So sorry Billie, I didn't mean to upset you or anyone else, didn't mean to bring you to that awful place, I am sorry.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 9:13pm

It's ok Nadia, a loss is a loss and I am sorry about yours.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 9:12pm

Angel, Angel, Angel!! I can not imagine. I am so sorry.  Putting myself in your shoes, I probably could never be convinced that my child was in there either. One day at a time sweetheart, that's all we can do.

Big hugs to you....I hurt with you.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 9:06pm

Susan, I can only imagine when I reach the 10 year mark the intensity of the pain that remains. I agree with you about having a forum like this.

Big hugs to you.

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 9:01pm

Oh my Michelle, I am so sorry how you and your family learned that awful news, that's horrible. My son had been in critical condition in ICU as a "John Doe" for 30 stinking hours before I found out where he was. They said they couldn't find any ID and the motorcycle was his friend's. He use to work the night shift and sometimes when he would get off of work, he would go by my sister in law's house to play his keyboard. He was keeping his equipment for his studio at her house, so I wasn't too alarmed. The day before, he had lost his phone but I didn't know that, so when he didn't answer, I just assumed he was sleeping or couldn't hear it. Not known to me, my niece and my daughter were worried and decided to look for him because he had left from my niece's house that night on his friend's motorcycle.....also not known to me. He knew that I had forbade him from getting on that bike. He had fallen off of it a week prior to this nightmare and he tried to hide his minor injuries from me. I went crazy on him. They finally couldn't keep hiding it from me, they were trying to protect me because I was not medically well but they had to because deep down in my gut I sensed that something horrible had happened to him, so I began calling every hospital and police station that I could think of but when I would give his name, they all said that they had no one by that name or description. Thank goodness my niece and daughter found him after returning to one hospital that they had been to before. Someone finally told them to check in ICU because there was a young boy there that was a "john doe" and unfortunately it was my son. I literally collasped when I saw him. He was in ICU for 1 week, the worst week of my life.

Thank you for all of your support and love, thanks to all.

Comment by Billie Malowany on September 24, 2012 at 12:17pm

4 days from now would have been Jazz's 18th birthday. I watch her friends move on with their lives. Jobs, university, trades, new apartments, the start of their "adult" lives. I am so sad that my baby doesn't get to enjoy or look forward to all the exciting firsts of being finished school and on her own. To get to go apartment hunting, shopping for her own "home", that first grocery shopping trip, care packages from home and grandparents. The heartbreak and nervousness of leaving her alone and saying goodbye that first night. There are so many things we as parents look forward to that have been ripped out of our hands. Decisions and compromises we were meant to make but no longer get to. I can't even put into words the extreme sadness I feel.

We have moved from the town we lived in, it seems less stressful and depressing here but we have not found that "special" place for Jazz yet so now I am dealing with a heavy burden of guilt for leaving her. I can't visit her whenever I want to, it's breaking my heart </3. I know in the back of my mind we will move her but until then it feels as though I've abandoned her.

Just needed to vent a little, after reading a poem on here it took me back to having to identify my daughter, it feels as though I just got the news.

Comment by nadia on September 24, 2012 at 9:21am

Dear Susan so sorry the pain intensifies... Time make sit worst I think as people have less understanding and I find it hurtful that most seem to move on... I feel stuck in the past I lost my wonderful sister but find it hard to have a life without her (sorry for posting in this group!) I am torn that the goes by and I am worried that I may start to foregetr little details of our time together .. the support from my partner is tapering off and do not want to burden mum and dad as I know they are broken perhaps more so than me .. I put on my brave face as I am all they are left and suffer in silence.. I do not think the years will make it better... In a way I am glad your daughter seems have found some joy .. I too have lil boys and new born daughter (I named her after my sister) I am happy and sad... I take her out sit like my sister... she is my lil T... goes me a bit of hope but you know there are far too many moments I wish I were alone so that I could sleep and not wake up..... or wake up next to my big T my sister.... the though warms me but everyday I wake up and yet another new day without her...  it may be that your daughter tries to keep up a brave face... some random thoughts... wishing you all some peace and calm 

Comment by Angel on September 24, 2012 at 8:38am

Hi everyone...I'm sorry I haven't been around..since my daughter's 15th anniversary ..I am still floatingin a not so nice place...I wanted to say that I never saw my daughter...I never even viewed her..Isaw her one day alive and beautiful..withthe smile she always wore and never saw her again...the accident was so horrific..that she wasn't viewable...so we had to have a closed casket...my youngest daughter over the years has wondered if it was even our Melanie in the casket...I never got to kiss her goodbye, touch her....nothing...no closure and will never have any...Only by the grace of God I get up breathing everyday.....Peace! Angel

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