Comment

Comment by Karen R. on October 7, 2012 at 1:17pm

Hey Stephanie, nice to hear from you despite the circumstances. Last year for my 21 yr old son, during the holiday season, we had a toy drive to collect brand new toys for children in the pediatric unit at the same hospital he had been at. He had been in the ICU at that hospital for 1 week. The unit wasn't full.....which I guess was a good thing, so we were able to give each child at least 5 gifts and we still had many gifts left over. We left the remaining toys for future admissions. I must admit during the little show that we put together in front of the nurses station, I had to disappear a few times to sob in the bathroom. I was overwhelmed by the whole reason as to why I was even doing this but then when I would go back out to join the celebration, it helped to see the joy on all of the little one's faces.  A couple of them were too sick to come out of their room so we visited with them.

I also have been celebrating my son's birthday since he passed away. We have his favorite ice cream cake and everyone tells a funny story about something he did or said. I constantly have a fear that everyone will forget my son, forget that he ever existed, that he'll become a mere "memory". He is so much more then a memory to me, he IS my son and will ALWAYS be my son.

Comment by Stephanie on October 7, 2012 at 9:13am

anyone there guys? i need help!!

Comment by Stephanie on October 6, 2012 at 10:10am

hi all, i have been away for quite some time... i have gone thru some horrible loss this year. i lost my dad to Alzheimers and Parkinsons. Worse still was my sister, who died only last week, after a 2 and a half year struggle against Cancer.

BUT still, i am here about my baby girl...

ANYONE HAVE IDEAS OF WHAT ONE CAN DO IN MEMORY OF OUR KIDS???!!!!!  thank u x x x x

Comment by Shirley yax on October 6, 2012 at 6:49am

thanks Vicki i needed to hear that from someone who knows exactly what i am going through

Comment by coachlouise on October 6, 2012 at 2:24am

Grandmother Agnes told me over and over again When are you going to stop beating yourself up with that two by four, nothing good comes from beating someone up.

Comment by Karen R. on October 5, 2012 at 10:41pm

Thanks Vicki and everyone for your comment. I definitely have a lot of guilt, I guess I should start trying to remember the things I did or DIDN'T do was because I love my son so much. Sometimes I feel like I deserve to feel so beat up and broken because I feel like I let him down. I feel like I was always riding him for such petty sh!t. I wish I had another chance, this is what is killing me slowly.

Comment by Shirley yax on October 4, 2012 at 1:59pm

The memories hit hard for me as im driving home for work in the mornings too. I think of all the things i could have done to help my son. I didnt wanna push him away, didnt wanna lose him so i let some things slide. i beat myself up over that, people tell me what he did he would have done anyway. that i had nothing to do with it. Drugs are so bad heere where i live. i wish there was some way i could get through to other kids that this could happen to them also. jirdan was an honor roll student. he went from that to heavy drug use in just a few short years. I miss him everyday with all that I am

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 4, 2012 at 12:53am

Dick
How are you doing?

Comment by Michelle W on October 3, 2012 at 12:00am

Grace,
I'm do sorry that your mother and brother don't understand the love you had with your son,,,maybe they could see the love and knew the pain you would be in if this horribleness would happen... And it just kills them to see you in such pain..,, well wishful thinking..,as you know you wouldn't want your child to feel this horrible pain...or maybe they just should understand and don't ..,hugs grace ,,,

Comment by Grace on October 2, 2012 at 4:46pm

I drive a bus everyday for 2 1 1/2 sessions..... so I sometime think I have too much windshield time.  Not only am I replaying my son's whole life... but some of the cruel things I have heard from family members since his death.... I am so disappointed in my Mom and brother... I don't know if I can ever speak to them again... (Both have suggested I should have aborted my deceased son because he had autism..... even though I did not know this until he was 3 years old... yet should that have mattered?  should they just love my child anyway?)  I am sad that my relationship with my mother who is 83 is so damaged... but I just can't skeep puutting myself into that enviornment....  and now I am thinking about all the small children in the world that live everyday with this type of disfunction.   And for G*D's Sake... He has been dead for more than 3 years... what good does it do to be sooo cruel?

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