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Comment by Grace on October 8, 2012 at 10:59am

It still seems like he should still be here... but he is not..... I remember our life with him... and now there is a new life without him.... somedays it is ok and some days I dread for the following days to come.... my other kids are grown and when they leave ... I fear this house is gonna become big and empty.    Yet when he was here... he was such a handful..... hwe had a lot of stress living with a child with special needs.... days I did not have that were good.... Yet now the days are soooo empty.... should be less stressful now that he has left us in such quiet.... Yet it just feels so NOT NORMAL to have what others would think is More NORMAL now.   Somedays I am relieved that no one can hurt him anymore (Such as School fights for his education).... Maybe he is safe?  How could Death be a "Safe" place?

It is still just SOOOOO Hard.  It still doesn't seem like it should be real.... yet I still sit here... typing in the total quiet.... and he is not here....

Comment by Karen R. on October 8, 2012 at 10:39am

Oops, sorry for all the typos!

Comment by Karen R. on October 8, 2012 at 10:38am

Hey Stephanie, that is a lovely idea to our pics of different ideas and/or creations. I also love the idea of making the quilt but I have to admit, that's one I don't think I have the strength for yet. I use to have one of my son's baseball caps displayed on my dresser and I would sniff it almost everyday but I have since put in on the shelf in my closet so I see it every time I go in my closet if I use to look upward. I had to move it because it became a little overwhelming. Who knows, my emotions are like a roller coaster, I may put back on my dresser. I used to put on a pair of his work gloves too to make myself feel like I was holding his hand. One thing I do know for sure is that I will never be able to part with his things.

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:48am

hey Michelle, yes, will also try to think of more ideas. i know death for many is so FINAL, but when it's our children it's just SO different, their lives are not OVER, for us, and never will be. i so understand our need to keep their meaning alive. we will never stop, it's who we are. we should think of stuff and post pics of our "creations" or "work" to each other

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:45am

ROSIE, that's amazing what you are doing - so therapeutic as well, and as opposed to the dreaded "going thru their clothes" that we all have, you have come up with a wonderfully positive thing. wow.. that is really beautiful.... hmmm ..... i don't still have many of her clothes, but i'm really thinking thinking now....

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:43am

GRACE, i didn't realise your son had autism. u know my little "Becky" had cerebral palsy. i am also so fearful that people will just forget her, it's been 4 years since she passed, i have spent this time being more quiet than ever before. but really want to do something. i've also thought of tatoo, but don't know. i love the idea to continue to help other families living with a sick or special needs family member. where to even start! but you have given me hope. THANK YOU x x x x

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:39am

GUYS IT IS SO NICE TO SPEAK TO YOU ALL AGAIN!! thank u for your help. KAREN, that was such a special thing you did with the toy drive at the hospital. you are such a strong person. i would also have cried so much, but i don't know if i would have had the strength to come out again.  the birthday thing is also so nice, and maybe i'll do that too. thank you SOOO MUCH x x x x x

Comment by Michelle W on October 7, 2012 at 10:08pm

Stephanie,
I have we are quickly approaching the year market... I feel like the day of everyday.., my daughter asked what we would be doing on this anniversary day ?? She thought we should do something for him, his friends , to celebrate his life... I really had no answer.,, I thought we had was a BBQ in the park that he loved to play bball in..,,,,balloons for anyone who wanted to release a message to him??? I wish I could think of something better.. It may be cold outside then... So any ideas would maybe be helpful...

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on October 7, 2012 at 7:41pm

In May of the first year, we planted a spirit tree in memory of him in our backyard.  This weekend, I signed up for a t-shirt quilting class.  I'm finally strong enough to work on a t-shirt quilt using his t-shirts and jeans.    Stephanie, I

Comment by Grace on October 7, 2012 at 2:58pm

Hi Stephanie!

Our son Niles died in May 2009 at 14. He was an organ donor and had autism.  We decided at the hospital that we were going to raise money for other families still living with special needs.  Since then I think we have given "Random Acts Of Kindness" Donations to families that have very sick people in the family with cancer, or other medical emergencies... just this week a 52 year old woman I knew who suffered a stroke.... to children and families living with Autism, Or other disabilities.  Like karen, after more than 3 years, I sometimes worry that others will forget or care less and less that my son was so important to me..... it is hard.  My other son remembers his brother with a tattoo on his forearm of his NGMH initials of his brother.  My daughter also got a tattoo with a puzzle piece (Blue) with Niles name in the piece... then the green "Organ Donation Ribbon" and angel wings on her back.  I have a friend that also has a tattoo in memory of her son who passed recently.  I am not as fond of getting a tattoo myself but supported that my 2 kids wanted to get them in memory of their brother.  At any rate... it has been more than 3 years... and I still really miss that kid... and still have trouble wrapping my mind around this whole ordeal.

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