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Comment by Karen R. on October 8, 2012 at 11:40am

Hi Sophia, you are right, how do you "move on" without your child, I can't perceive how to do that.

Comment by Sophia on October 8, 2012 at 11:28am

I too am trying to think of ways to memorialize my 22yr old son. We are coming up on the 1yr 'anniversary' of his death, 11/13/11. I'v always strongly disliked the holiday season for various reasons. Now, I have even more reason to & I'm completely dreading it all! I would like to make a quilt from his clothes one day but I'm not ready for this yet. I miss him so, so much & when Stephanie wrote "when it's our children it's so different, their lives are never over", I felt I related to this comment. Although, i am over- whelmed with the thought of how final death is, I am also over- whelmed with thought's of how I can keep his memory alive especially with the one year 'anniversary' approaching. I continue to 'put on a happy face' to friends but it's hard & I feel so very alone in all this grief. I haven't spoken to my son's father really, only once breifly, since our sons death. He was the one to find James dead and I think it's time we talked. I appreciate this site to vent with others who understand the pain associated with losing a child.  I have lost people close to me, including my best friend who was brutally murdered by her husband in 1996. I have to say losing one's child is just something one's mind just is not meant to process. I don't know that I will ever accept it, or move on - these things don't happen when you lose a child.

Comment by Grace on October 8, 2012 at 10:59am

It still seems like he should still be here... but he is not..... I remember our life with him... and now there is a new life without him.... somedays it is ok and some days I dread for the following days to come.... my other kids are grown and when they leave ... I fear this house is gonna become big and empty.    Yet when he was here... he was such a handful..... hwe had a lot of stress living with a child with special needs.... days I did not have that were good.... Yet now the days are soooo empty.... should be less stressful now that he has left us in such quiet.... Yet it just feels so NOT NORMAL to have what others would think is More NORMAL now.   Somedays I am relieved that no one can hurt him anymore (Such as School fights for his education).... Maybe he is safe?  How could Death be a "Safe" place?

It is still just SOOOOO Hard.  It still doesn't seem like it should be real.... yet I still sit here... typing in the total quiet.... and he is not here....

Comment by Karen R. on October 8, 2012 at 10:39am

Oops, sorry for all the typos!

Comment by Karen R. on October 8, 2012 at 10:38am

Hey Stephanie, that is a lovely idea to our pics of different ideas and/or creations. I also love the idea of making the quilt but I have to admit, that's one I don't think I have the strength for yet. I use to have one of my son's baseball caps displayed on my dresser and I would sniff it almost everyday but I have since put in on the shelf in my closet so I see it every time I go in my closet if I use to look upward. I had to move it because it became a little overwhelming. Who knows, my emotions are like a roller coaster, I may put back on my dresser. I used to put on a pair of his work gloves too to make myself feel like I was holding his hand. One thing I do know for sure is that I will never be able to part with his things.

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:48am

hey Michelle, yes, will also try to think of more ideas. i know death for many is so FINAL, but when it's our children it's just SO different, their lives are not OVER, for us, and never will be. i so understand our need to keep their meaning alive. we will never stop, it's who we are. we should think of stuff and post pics of our "creations" or "work" to each other

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:45am

ROSIE, that's amazing what you are doing - so therapeutic as well, and as opposed to the dreaded "going thru their clothes" that we all have, you have come up with a wonderfully positive thing. wow.. that is really beautiful.... hmmm ..... i don't still have many of her clothes, but i'm really thinking thinking now....

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:43am

GRACE, i didn't realise your son had autism. u know my little "Becky" had cerebral palsy. i am also so fearful that people will just forget her, it's been 4 years since she passed, i have spent this time being more quiet than ever before. but really want to do something. i've also thought of tatoo, but don't know. i love the idea to continue to help other families living with a sick or special needs family member. where to even start! but you have given me hope. THANK YOU x x x x

Comment by Stephanie on October 8, 2012 at 8:39am

GUYS IT IS SO NICE TO SPEAK TO YOU ALL AGAIN!! thank u for your help. KAREN, that was such a special thing you did with the toy drive at the hospital. you are such a strong person. i would also have cried so much, but i don't know if i would have had the strength to come out again.  the birthday thing is also so nice, and maybe i'll do that too. thank you SOOO MUCH x x x x x

Comment by Michelle W on October 7, 2012 at 10:08pm

Stephanie,
I have we are quickly approaching the year market... I feel like the day of everyday.., my daughter asked what we would be doing on this anniversary day ?? She thought we should do something for him, his friends , to celebrate his life... I really had no answer.,, I thought we had was a BBQ in the park that he loved to play bball in..,,,,balloons for anyone who wanted to release a message to him??? I wish I could think of something better.. It may be cold outside then... So any ideas would maybe be helpful...

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