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Comment by Michelle W on October 15, 2012 at 10:31am

Sophie.
I lost my 17 year old son two days after thanksgiving , my daughters birthday was Thanksgiving...so we do not want to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore my son would have been 18 a week before Christmas ... I know my daughter needs me tourmendiously ..,,, and I will be there for her so I will have to endour all the pain of lossing my son...all I can hope is that she will recover in a good way and have the beautiful life I had planned for both my children.,,the holidays are horrible and all my focus is on is her birthday and my son.., so everything else will just be wrong this year.,,hugs to all..

Comment by Grace on October 15, 2012 at 10:17am

Sophia, last year, we had a member "Sandy" who did end her life...  She was so sad about losing her daughter... she left others behind... sooooo sad.  Yet I am sure many of us have lost the will to go on.... The holidays are very hard for all of us.... they were even before for me as you pointed out.  PLEASE IF ANYONE HAS THESE FEELINGS GET HELP...  It has been 3 Plus years for me... I still have very sad days.... but I have also had good days... my friends have carried me through.... and somedays I feel very alone in my grief... It really helped me when I found this site.... because friends and families sometimes can not understand us like the rest of us on this group.   I still have my bad days... but at least HERE in this group we can all vent more than we can to friends and family.... Somedays I know that they all are tired of hearing my down days.. and wonder if I will ever get "OVER IT".....  And they truely can not Get It unless they have lived it.....  PEACE 

Comment by Sophia on October 15, 2012 at 10:06am

Michelle what you experienced, losing your husband on your deceased daughters birthday is so profoundly touching! Reading that actually made me think, once again, there is reason for believing in a Higher Power. Things like that are not merely coincidental - it is God's hand & our children reaching out to us from beyond.

Stephanie, you too have a meaningful & insightful point. I try so hard everyday to believe as you said; they have moved on and are at home.

I was raised Catholic and I always half jokingly say I am a "recovering Catholic". I was tought by Nuns through-out Grammer & H.S. had a very strict home life which translates to alot of guilt and believing in Purgatory and essentially NEVER believing anyone deserves to go to Heaven. At my son's memorial service my father spoke and stated how my son is in Purgatory waiting to be accepted into Heaven. Not very uplifting thoughts/beliefs.

Fall is a time of great change, followed by the holidays and then a long cold winter (at least here in the mid-west). I knew I would feel no reprieve as I do have some days when I feel 'ok'. I am also at the 11 month mark. I would like to hide out in a cave until January 2013 (I'm an outdoors person) & feel most at peace and closest to Jimmy when I'm in nature. I have to remain as strong as possible for my other children. This is so difficult for all of us. Jimmy passed 10 days after his brothers birthday, a week before Thanksgiving, leading into the Christmas season. I knew this would be the most difficult time (not that there is anytime anymore that isn't difficult), some days are a little better than others. The holidays are meant to be happy times but it is not a happy time for me any longer & it never will be again. I have disliked the preasure of buying all the right gifts, preparing the meals, having to see family which I have no desire to see, etc. Now all those feelings are intensified  Ofcourse, the holidays would be difficult even if Jimmy passed away in July . And as I began with, fall is a time of change - the weather, children return to school, Thanksgiving and the pressures of thinking about & planning Christmas. It just adds to our feelings of sadness. It is when many people commit suicide. Let us all remain strong to honor our deceased children. I know Jimmy would want me to remain strong for his little sister & brother and for myself. Our children would not want us to be sad and unhappy. I have to remind myself of this. Also, it is easy & quite common to suffer from depression this time of year. Add to this that we've lost a child!! Anyone who is feeling more depressed than usual or having thoughts of suicide PLEASE talk to a professional and  consider, possibly, taking medication to help you through this so very difficult and sad time.

Sincerly, Sophia

Comment by Michelle W on October 15, 2012 at 2:49am

Karen , I agree with you so much....going backwards to the day, month is happening alot more... I hear a song my mind immediately goes oh that's Ellvis oh he's dead.. My sons dead??? No that isn't right... Oh it is I think? Them I relive the accident in my head,,,,everything does that...I guess I'm waiting for some great sign to tell me this isn't true or that he's ok,,,,Hugs

Comment by Karen R. on October 14, 2012 at 10:20pm

Hey to all. I am feeling stuck in the day, month and year my son passed away. I feel like I can't move forward, not even sure if I want to. I am still in shock. I find myself, every day all day, trying to convince myself that this is all my imagination. I am still waiting for the break that so many tell me is coming, the day my grief and pain will lesson. It's amazing, that day has NOT come, I feel more sorrow with each sunrise. I just want my son back! I want him to have his young life back! I want my happy life back!!!

Comment by Stephanie on October 14, 2012 at 6:05pm

Michelle it's so so normal. 11 months is no time at all, still so sore. There is still lots of healing to come. Not being able to sleep or think straight is SO a part of our process. It's too much for the brain to comprehend. I took meds for some time to help me sleep. And trying to balance our emotions between grieving for our child, with being happy for our children still here on earth, is a very big challenge. This is our NEW NORMAL, and everything we talk about here, and everything we do and feel, is normal in our new normal. So long as we have each other xxxx

Comment by Michelle W on October 14, 2012 at 3:52pm

Stephanie, I don't fear death anymore either., I know I must be strong and show my daughter the way.., do that is my first job then honor my beautiful son ... He deserved so much better then what happened,,,I'm comming up on 11 months.., I can not sleep or even think straight I was doing ok now alot of stress???? I have been getting more done around the house but I hope this normal...,,hugs

Comment by Stephanie on October 14, 2012 at 2:52pm

U know what my dearest friends? We ALL worry that if we move they won't find us... this horrible feeling that we might be "moving on" without them. On the CONTRARY, our children are the very ones who have moved on!!  They are in such a high and special place. They know exactly where we are, at all times. I just know it. And one day when it is our time, they will come and greet us, to welcome us HOME. They are already at home. I too, also don't fear death at ALL, since the very moment my child moved on. Lots of love, Steph

Comment by Stephanie on October 14, 2012 at 2:47pm

Angel that is amazing... the coinciding of dates is very powerful xxx

Comment by Angel on October 12, 2012 at 8:42am

Michelle...you aren't crazy ..and neither is anyone else here...we do the best we can with a horrible..the worst situation nay human can imagine...I've had a few dreams with Melanie in them and each one we are in a mall shopping for shoes..the funny thing is we both hated shoes and we both hated shopping.....Hse came to me the day she took my husband home and he was relieved from the pain of cancer...too coincidental thathe called her name for 2 days...and he passed on her birthday.....Peace! Angel..

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