Comment

Comment by Dick on October 24, 2012 at 8:38am

What sort of store is it Adrianne. Paying attention, where I fall short as well.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 24, 2012 at 1:41am

My life has fallen apart. I can't keep my store open any longer. I am upset with my daughter. I should have paid more attention to my sons pain.

Comment by Dick on October 23, 2012 at 1:56am

Anger, regrets, guiltiness, sadness ...... emotions I have lived most of my life without. Now they are my constant companions.

Comment by Dick on October 23, 2012 at 1:02am

Today, I found poems I had written earlier this year. I am making a decision to read them at my next group session.

Comment by Dick on October 23, 2012 at 1:01am

Big Brother, organ donor, blood donor, Boy Scouts, church emails....they all try to contact Danny, still. I continue to have to go through the routine of telling them he is no longer of this world. Bleh!

Hard on myself, heck yeah. I have gone to most all of the counseling that can be had, wife as well. Really doesn't matter I have been told repeatedly to go easy on myself. I know, I understand, but I either cannot or will not take the advice. I will be as hard for as long as needed on myself.

Comment by Sophia on October 22, 2012 at 10:40pm

Dick, I also wanted to comment about you not knowing your son was a organ donor and feeling regret.  I feel regret for not burying my son as he wanted. I wasn't thinking clearly enough at the time. I was in shock. My son just died and I had to go to make the arrangements alone. Anna, kindly wrote to me saying "our children have moved on, are above our worldly concerns and know we did the best we could" in the worst possible situation any parent could face. I think she's right about that. I did the best I could and I'm sure you did too.  I still feel regret because I love and miss Jimmy so much and as parents we always want our children to have what they deserve - we did the best we could with the worst situation imaginable!

Comment by Sophia on October 22, 2012 at 10:27pm

Anna, thank you for you 'hug' & kind words.

Dick, I am sending you a 'hug'.  Please don't be so hard on yourself. I have been very hard on myself at times, especially the first 5-6 months after my son passed. I blamed myself in different ways for his death, I felt completely lost & I was very angry. Very angry, angry at myself, angry at Jimmy's father, angry at friends & family, even angry at the world in general.  I still have days where I feel lost & angry just not as intensely so. Jimmy was always the one to lighten the mood, to make things fun - no matter what. Jimmy's step-father reminded me of this at one point a few months back and he said "Jimmy wouldn't have wanted you to be miserable and angry the rest of your life". As simple or cliche as this sounds - once I accepted this fact (which I often have to force myself to remember) I have been easier on myself and easier to be around. I don't know if any of what I've written applies to you or can help you but I read your comments and wanted to share this with you.

Comment by Dick on October 22, 2012 at 8:03pm

Ahh, the minister was trying to talk me into going to the mens retreat. I told him my wife freaks out when I am not here. I told him I could not go; he understands.

I hope my son understands, I was contacted about harvesting his organs.  Told them no, I could not deal with it. Little did i know, he had signed up as a organ donor and never told me. I regret not honouring his last requests.I did not know.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on October 22, 2012 at 5:28pm

It's 19 months for me.  I've been working on the t-shirt quilt.  Using his t-shirts, jeans and even some of his boxers.  It was very difficult to sort through his stuff.  I cried a lot.  When the class started, I was worried I'd lose it and not be able to stay in the class.  But I made it through the two days.  I now have the top portion of the quilt done and need to do the batting and the back of the quilt.  I am so looking forward to wrapping myself in it on those days that I feel complete utter sadness.  The bleakness is so heavy sometimes.  There is not an hour that goes by that he doesn't come into my mind.  Snapshots of his face forever engraved in my brain and heart.  God only knows just how much I miss him and I like all of you, plug along doing what we need to do to get by each day.  But our lives are forever changed.  Sending my hugs to all of you.

Comment by Sherry Ray on October 22, 2012 at 3:41pm

It's been 5 months today and sometimes I don't think I can do one more day. This pain is so deep and I feel so alone. I need lots of prayers.  

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