Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
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Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.
Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.
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Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.
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Hello Everyone. I've had 2 very difficult days in a row. No-one cares what I'm feeling, no-one even gives it a second (or first thought) that I'm mourning my son's death. My Mother has a drinking problem and created all kinds of unneccesary drama for our family yesterday. My "best friend" - which I write tongue in cheek - laid into me about all the ways I've let her down recently. Basicly laughs in my face about my feelings regarding everything and anything. I cannot even begin to understand how or why she would feel justified or even the slightest bit okay to attack me in such a way. She knows, because I've told her, that the 1 year anniversary of my oldest sons death is approaching and I'm feeling down, lost & sad. I had a bad day yesterday dealing with my Mother's problems. Yet, she decides to vent all her frustrations she's been holding in about me today! I'm dumb-founded and hurt. She is the kind of person who has no insight or empathy. I'v cut myself off from her before and I now know that once our business together is finished I will again cut myself off from her.
It is astounding how self centered and thoroghly self involved people are. I am finished believing that we have any true friends in this world. We are lucky if we have one in our lives and I don't have one. I've thought I had but I was soarly mistaken. I'm more sad right now than I have been in a while and it's because of my mother and my friend. Aren't they who are supposed to help you through hard times not make them harder?!?
This whole experience makes me feel "un-whole". I still ask myself everyday did this all happen. Every night before I get into my bed, I still check the front and back windows to see if he's coming. These things always happen to someone else. I have learned the hard way that anyone can be the "someone else", none of of are exempt but somehow, that fact does not bring comfort or acceptance. I still feel like my son and I have been robbed, I still feel like none of this is fair, I still like I am being unjustly punished. I can't see any good in it, I can't see how any of this makes sense. I don't care that these things just happen, I don't care that I'm told he's in a "better" place, I don't care that we will all meet the same fate. I feel like this life is a cruel joke. If death is so great, why am I in agony, if we MUST pass away, then why can't we all go quietly and painlessly in our sleep at 120 yrs old, I don't care how irrational I may sound. I want my son back.
Thanks for listening...sorry for ranting.
What sort of store is it Adrianne. Paying attention, where I fall short as well.
Anger, regrets, guiltiness, sadness ...... emotions I have lived most of my life without. Now they are my constant companions.
Today, I found poems I had written earlier this year. I am making a decision to read them at my next group session.
Big Brother, organ donor, blood donor, Boy Scouts, church emails....they all try to contact Danny, still. I continue to have to go through the routine of telling them he is no longer of this world. Bleh!
Hard on myself, heck yeah. I have gone to most all of the counseling that can be had, wife as well. Really doesn't matter I have been told repeatedly to go easy on myself. I know, I understand, but I either cannot or will not take the advice. I will be as hard for as long as needed on myself.
Dick, I also wanted to comment about you not knowing your son was a organ donor and feeling regret. I feel regret for not burying my son as he wanted. I wasn't thinking clearly enough at the time. I was in shock. My son just died and I had to go to make the arrangements alone. Anna, kindly wrote to me saying "our children have moved on, are above our worldly concerns and know we did the best we could" in the worst possible situation any parent could face. I think she's right about that. I did the best I could and I'm sure you did too. I still feel regret because I love and miss Jimmy so much and as parents we always want our children to have what they deserve - we did the best we could with the worst situation imaginable!
Anna, thank you for you 'hug' & kind words.
Dick, I am sending you a 'hug'. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I have been very hard on myself at times, especially the first 5-6 months after my son passed. I blamed myself in different ways for his death, I felt completely lost & I was very angry. Very angry, angry at myself, angry at Jimmy's father, angry at friends & family, even angry at the world in general. I still have days where I feel lost & angry just not as intensely so. Jimmy was always the one to lighten the mood, to make things fun - no matter what. Jimmy's step-father reminded me of this at one point a few months back and he said "Jimmy wouldn't have wanted you to be miserable and angry the rest of your life". As simple or cliche as this sounds - once I accepted this fact (which I often have to force myself to remember) I have been easier on myself and easier to be around. I don't know if any of what I've written applies to you or can help you but I read your comments and wanted to share this with you.
Ahh, the minister was trying to talk me into going to the mens retreat. I told him my wife freaks out when I am not here. I told him I could not go; he understands.
I hope my son understands, I was contacted about harvesting his organs. Told them no, I could not deal with it. Little did i know, he had signed up as a organ donor and never told me. I regret not honouring his last requests.I did not know.
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