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Comment by Michelle W on October 26, 2012 at 12:17am

So in one month it will be one year.,, I just reflect on the year Halloween with my son handing out candy for me( so the dogs wouldn't go crazy) the accident ( in detail... I finnally received the accident report).. And the horrible year I have just endured,,,,,in the next month I must endure all the things I avoid in my mind.,, my daughter would like to do something to honor my son on this horrible day?? Any suggestions would be so helpful,..., I know she wouldike to invite some of his close friends and of course I have I laws coming in town to celebrate his life,,, I can't handle just getting through the store without forgetting something so thing about planning something is so hard for me I just want it to be perfect and I want it to be appropriate it's not a party,,,so any suggestion would be so helpful to me,,,, thank you to all.., it's a really hard month ahead

Comment by Dick on October 25, 2012 at 11:47pm

So the pain never stops. Bleh!

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 9:36pm

Hello Zelma, I am so sorry for your loss and you are NOT babbling, no one here will ever think that. I am still suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son. Many hugs to you.

Comment by zelma on October 25, 2012 at 9:09pm

not sure were to start really. lost my baby, Adriana, Feb 2009. she was 6 months and 1 day old. she was born with a serious heart defect, but we were optimistic everything would turn out ok. I loved her from the moment i found out i was pregnant. she died suddenly. just like that. i wanted to die, but life goes on whether you want it to or not. It's been up and down since then. I feel like i am alone in this, no one knows what i go through, how much i still cry and yearn for her. Day to day I focus on trying to be a good mom (to my wonderful, beautiful 2yr old daughter), a good wife, a good person, etc., but my biggest challenge is trying to care about everyday things....like laundry, saving money, eating healthy, work deadlines, etc. It makes me laugh somtimes the thing people stress out about....i want to say come on people WHO CARES! Have the damn cheeseburger, take the vacation, buy the expensive handbag, whatever! Just babbling, i guess :-)

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 6:07pm

You are more than welcome.

Comment by Sophia on October 25, 2012 at 5:36pm

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragment &/or sharing your stories with me. I find comfort from you all and at the same time I always think "damn life, why do I have to be on this site at all". But I am, its my (our) reality now and I thankful for you all.

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 7:12am

Yes Sophia, as Grace said, lean on all of us. I am always willing to listen and I am sorry that people can be so cruel. You have plenty of friends here. Many hugs to you.

Comment by Grace on October 25, 2012 at 5:50am

Sophia... I have experienced exactly what you are talking about.... It hurts when you really need someone to lean on and find that they really are not there or you.  I have had this with all of my siblings and my mother and have had strain on my marriage or 3 years.  I feel like it is expected that I should be strong enough for myself and they feel like I should just "Get Over It:" but I am not and I am really disappointed that the people I thought would be there are not.

If they have not had to experience thisss loss... they just don't get it... but we in this room get it..... Lean On US!   PEACE

Comment by Sophia on October 24, 2012 at 11:33pm

Hello Everyone. I've had 2 very difficult days in a row.  No-one cares what I'm feeling, no-one even gives it a second (or first thought) that I'm mourning my son's death. My Mother has a drinking problem and created all kinds of unneccesary drama for our family yesterday. My "best friend" - which I write tongue in cheek - laid into me about all the ways I've let her down recently. Basicly laughs in my face about my feelings regarding everything and anything. I cannot even begin to understand how or why she would feel justified or even the slightest bit okay to attack me in such a way. She knows, because I've told her, that the 1 year anniversary of my oldest sons death is approaching and I'm feeling down, lost & sad. I had a bad day yesterday dealing with my Mother's problems. Yet, she decides to vent all her frustrations she's been holding in about me today! I'm dumb-founded and hurt. She is the kind of person who has no insight or empathy. I'v cut myself off from her before and I now know that once our business together is finished I will again cut myself off from her.

It is astounding how self centered and thoroghly self involved people are. I am finished believing that we have any true friends in this world. We are lucky if we have one in our lives and I don't have one. I've thought I had but I was soarly mistaken. I'm more sad right now than I have been in a while and it's because of my mother and my friend. Aren't they who are supposed to help you through hard times not make them harder?!?

Comment by Karen R. on October 24, 2012 at 8:58pm

This whole experience makes me feel "un-whole". I still ask myself everyday did this all happen. Every night before I get into my bed, I still check the front and back windows to see if he's coming. These things always happen to someone else. I have learned the hard way that anyone can be the "someone else", none of of are exempt but somehow, that fact does not bring comfort or acceptance. I still feel like my son and I have been robbed, I still feel like none of this is fair, I still like I am being unjustly punished. I can't see any good in it, I can't see how any of this makes sense. I don't care that these things just happen, I don't care that I'm told he's in a "better" place, I don't care that we will all meet the same fate. I feel like this life is a cruel joke. If death is so great, why am I in agony, if we MUST pass away, then why can't we all go quietly and painlessly in our sleep at 120 yrs old, I don't care how irrational I may sound. I want my son back.

Thanks for listening...sorry for ranting.

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