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Comment by Sophia on October 26, 2012 at 10:29am

Hello to all of you. I've read your recent posts and I feel and agree with all of you. I've lost people close to me before and nothing compares to losing a child. It turns your whole life up side down and twisted round and round, I'm free falling in life right now.

I've been staying with friends for the past 5 months and the agreement always was for me to find my footing and move out in early spring. Now my friend is very upset with me about, honestly, quite trivial things and told me I have to be out by January 1st. I don't know if that's anger talking or if she is really putting this extreme pressure on me right now. I have been unemployed for a year, I worked part time through the summer and am looking for a job in my field with plans to find my own place in spring. I need more support now than ever and I feel so betrayed and alone. It will be just 1 year since Jimmy's death 11/13 and then the holidays come. I am doing everything I can to find a job and move out but to throw this at me just at the very time I need support and understanding the most! I have to worry about having a roof over my head too!!

By the way, my friend somehow read a post I posted on this site referencing her and our disagreement (my personal feelings meant to be read by you all) and she tells her husband who told me. This is creepy to me, I feel invaded, betrayed by the one person I thought had my back. She's said on different occasions that I had time, I'm not bothering her by being here, she understands. Now she is kicking me out because I've let her down, didn't do this or that, etc. I'm just dumb founded - why would she read my personal postings on this one site I am 'allowed' to vent my feelings with others who really, truly understand. It's an invasion and I'm so on edge upon my dealing with the 1 year mark and the holidays. It seems so unfair!

Thanks for listening to me, everyone try to have the best day possible. That's all we can do!

Comment by Brenda Ann on October 26, 2012 at 6:40am

I agree with Vicki - Empathy is the capacity to recognize feelings that are being experienced by another being. Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion. The problem is that we truly cannot know another person's pain - the pain we feel is what we have felt in our own lives. I had had losses in my life, but when I lost my daughter I learned what pain really was. I was moved to go apologize to every one who had similarly lost a child because I thought I "knew" their pain but wasn't even close. I felt that I had only superficially supported them - I just had no clue the depth of pain. That is when I learned that the sayings "heavy heart" or "pain of heart" or "heartbreak" were not just figurative. You feel each of those physically. I could feel the weight of my own heart in my chest - the pain was coming from my heart and actually hurt - I felt much like the psalmist, “Why are you in despair, O my soul, and why are you boisterous within me? Wait for God, for I shall yet laud him as the grand salvation of my person and as my God.” (Psalm 42:11) God is the only one who can "bring" our children back to us.

Comment by Michelle W on October 26, 2012 at 12:17am

So in one month it will be one year.,, I just reflect on the year Halloween with my son handing out candy for me( so the dogs wouldn't go crazy) the accident ( in detail... I finnally received the accident report).. And the horrible year I have just endured,,,,,in the next month I must endure all the things I avoid in my mind.,, my daughter would like to do something to honor my son on this horrible day?? Any suggestions would be so helpful,..., I know she wouldike to invite some of his close friends and of course I have I laws coming in town to celebrate his life,,, I can't handle just getting through the store without forgetting something so thing about planning something is so hard for me I just want it to be perfect and I want it to be appropriate it's not a party,,,so any suggestion would be so helpful to me,,,, thank you to all.., it's a really hard month ahead

Comment by Dick on October 25, 2012 at 11:47pm

So the pain never stops. Bleh!

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 9:36pm

Hello Zelma, I am so sorry for your loss and you are NOT babbling, no one here will ever think that. I am still suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son. Many hugs to you.

Comment by zelma on October 25, 2012 at 9:09pm

not sure were to start really. lost my baby, Adriana, Feb 2009. she was 6 months and 1 day old. she was born with a serious heart defect, but we were optimistic everything would turn out ok. I loved her from the moment i found out i was pregnant. she died suddenly. just like that. i wanted to die, but life goes on whether you want it to or not. It's been up and down since then. I feel like i am alone in this, no one knows what i go through, how much i still cry and yearn for her. Day to day I focus on trying to be a good mom (to my wonderful, beautiful 2yr old daughter), a good wife, a good person, etc., but my biggest challenge is trying to care about everyday things....like laundry, saving money, eating healthy, work deadlines, etc. It makes me laugh somtimes the thing people stress out about....i want to say come on people WHO CARES! Have the damn cheeseburger, take the vacation, buy the expensive handbag, whatever! Just babbling, i guess :-)

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 6:07pm

You are more than welcome.

Comment by Sophia on October 25, 2012 at 5:36pm

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragment &/or sharing your stories with me. I find comfort from you all and at the same time I always think "damn life, why do I have to be on this site at all". But I am, its my (our) reality now and I thankful for you all.

Comment by Karen R. on October 25, 2012 at 7:12am

Yes Sophia, as Grace said, lean on all of us. I am always willing to listen and I am sorry that people can be so cruel. You have plenty of friends here. Many hugs to you.

Comment by Grace on October 25, 2012 at 5:50am

Sophia... I have experienced exactly what you are talking about.... It hurts when you really need someone to lean on and find that they really are not there or you.  I have had this with all of my siblings and my mother and have had strain on my marriage or 3 years.  I feel like it is expected that I should be strong enough for myself and they feel like I should just "Get Over It:" but I am not and I am really disappointed that the people I thought would be there are not.

If they have not had to experience thisss loss... they just don't get it... but we in this room get it..... Lean On US!   PEACE

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