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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on November 4, 2012 at 12:56am

Struggling to look at pictures now. Can't listen to the voice mail on my cell. Heart is broken. Wish it would just quietly stop beating.

Comment by Lorraine on November 3, 2012 at 9:17pm

it is true, this world is changed and so difficult to find ways to make sense of things and navigate. It is surreal, and yet it is too real. And no one ever tells you how grief takes a physical toll. I have never felt the pressure of an elephant sitting on my heart like I do now with Sy gone. Other health issues keep coming up, it just seems like part of the deal. Karen R., I don't feel like I need to accept Sy's death either. I don't think it works that way for everyone, and resent when others who don't understand talk about needing to accept & move on, and that my son wouldn't want me to be so sad... REALLY? No kidding. Somehow I think our kids understand that this sadness is part of the love we have for them & it is because we miss them so. sending hugs

Comment by Karen R. on November 3, 2012 at 8:18pm

I know how you feel Zelma, I can't say that dreaded "D" word. That "D" is equal to d evastation, d epressing. It's a little over 3 years.....wow, how I hate even saying that, that my son passed away and nothing has "gotten BETTER" yet!!! Better?...I don't even know what that means. Not only is my sadness intensifying, my anger is as well. I am still amazed how I survive each day. Somedays my grief and mourning over takes me to the point that I appear like I am having a full body seizure! It's as if my body/soul is trying to shake away the thoughts of my son passing away. Sometimes I get so angry that I try to literally beat the thoughts out of my mind, I truly feel crazy. I will NEVER accept what has happened to my son. I want him back!!!!

Comment by Karen R. on November 3, 2012 at 8:04pm

Sorry to everyone for all those rough nights and days, this is all horrible.

Comment by Michele Hayes on November 3, 2012 at 10:23am

Yesterday was Ivy's fifth birthday. She died just over a year ago. We didn't do much- just cupcakes and had my bro in law and his family over. I was doing fine until they left. Then it hit me. I started thinking about how much she would have changed in a year.  She'd be in preschool now. It just broke my heart. It was a rough night.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on November 3, 2012 at 9:24am

So true Robin.  There are days when we can smile or share a laugh.  But there are days where our world comes crashing down and our hearts breaks into a million pieces all over again.  Sometimes it happens when we're just doing or daily chores around the house and a memory pops up and before we know it, the flood gates are opened and flashbacks come back into the picture.  Sending peace to you all and strenght to go forward in this new world of ours.  Hugs from me.

 

Comment by Robin Jone on November 3, 2012 at 8:49am

Today is the day my friend will bury her daughter. My husband talked to her yesterday, and of course as we can all remember, she is barely holding on. She wanted to know if this is all worth it, hanging in there or to just give up. It is so hard to help her see that it does, at least for me and my husband, get a little easier. Not every single second is so painful to breath. I have had days that I have been able to enjoy being with my daughters, granddaugthers and husband, and actually laughed. I didn't ever think that would happen again. I am forever changed, even in those moments, I am thinking of Zach and wish he were there with us. Not going to lie, I still have bad days, where I can just see something or have a thought, and it can all come crashing down around me again. I just have to hold on and know that I have felt that way before, and that I survived it to another day. Prayers for  my friends on this horrific day, and for all of us missing our children. Hugs. Robin

Comment by Lorraine on November 2, 2012 at 10:25pm

sending love to friends here. it just doesn't get easier. Only longer since I have seen Silas... I go between numb and devastated. 

Comment by zelma on November 2, 2012 at 7:52pm

i keep pictures of my deceased daughter, Adriana, around the house and at work. i also keep pics of my two year old daughter, kendall, at home and at work. they look ALOT alike. those who don't know me well see the pictures at work and say "aw she so adorable" thinking the pics are of the same child. it's been three years and i still can't say it outloud ......"that is a pic of my daughter adriana who is dead" without wanting to throw myself on the floor to cry....

Comment by Crystal M. Czar on November 2, 2012 at 10:27am

It's like me know speak a different launguage, that only we can understand.

 

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