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Comment by Connie K on January 29, 2013 at 11:51am

So sorry Michele. I have also suffered multiple miscarriages before I had Daniel. One was at 5 months. It was devastating and I have never really gotten over that. It's so unfair. I feel your pain and send you loving prayers.

Connie

Comment by Michele Hayes on January 29, 2013 at 9:09am

Shirlee- that is one of the hardest things about losing your child- you have to watch your spouse go through the same thing. I'm like you, I often wont vent to Justin because I know his emotional burden is already heavy.

Its been almost a year and a half for us. On New Year's Eve I got a positive pregnancy test. Two weeks later I went to the ER and they did an ultrasound and there was no baby. We were really disappointed. I feel like all of this progress I have made in getting through losing Ivy and now the miscarriage is just making it harder.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on January 29, 2013 at 6:28am

Wow, love that ino Connie.  Will do some research on it.

 

Comment by Shirlee Smith on January 29, 2013 at 12:40am

thank you Connie I had never heard that about the 11:11 I will have to look into that. I do not pay much attention to time any longer as I just try to make it through each day. I know that March will be a rough time for me as Joe's birthday is the 23rd. The lucky thing is my husband does not remember birthdays and if I can keep my mouth shut he will get through it. He is having such a hard time. I just try to keep my grief to myself so as not to upset him as I do not want him to have a heart attack and Joe would not want his dad upset. I hope that all of us that are going through this horrible time can find a way to move on.

Comment by Connie K on January 28, 2013 at 10:15pm

Dear Shirliee and Toni

You are in safe company.Sometimes you just feel like you will explode if the pain doesn't subside just a little. It helps me to walk or move. It was 2 months last Sat night that I lost my sweet boy Daniel. He was 17. It was my birthday yesterday and my husband's is this coming Sat. It was so hard. I know what you mean about wanting to hear "Hey Mom". Oh God I miss him so much and I just want to reach out and give him a hug and for life to be bearable again. I am so sorry for your pain and for everyone who has to endure this loss.

By the way - Have any of you experienced seeing 11:11. We had that experience this week and it felt very real. My husband was setting the alarm clock in Daniel's room which had gotten unplugged. He wasn't sure what time it was so he went into our room to check the time on his phone. As he did, it was 11:11. Just then the clock in Daniel's room beeped. He went in and it was set to 11:11. At the same time I was walking our dog and decided to look at my phone for the time. It was 11:11 and I thought that was unusual. When I got home, my husband told me about his experience and I couldn't believe that I had looked at the same time. When I told my meditation teacher about it she said "Oh that's significant. That is the time that heaven's doors open." What? So I started researching 11:11 and it turns out that it seems to be a spiritual digital code for spirit guides to contact us. There is an amazing amount of information and experiences out there and I never knew about it. It is called the 11:11 phenomenon. I know it was real. I know Daniel visited us. My husband has always been a skeptic but after having his own experience, he feels it too. So be mindful and if you see 11's all the time or happen to glance at the clock at 11:11, someone may be trying to guide you or just trying to say "hi". It gives me some peace. Google it and you will be intrigued by what you find.

Sending peace and love to all of you.

Connie

Comment by Ammy on January 27, 2013 at 10:45am

Shirlee & Toni, I am so sorry that you have had to join us in this awful unnatural life event.  This is the place to vent your feelings, and it's beneficial for you to do that.  Holding everything in is not helpful.  You both are experiencing what I call the 'roller coaster ride' and it seems it's a never ending ride, but you gradually adjust to the highs, lows, twists and turns.  We will always have a sadness and a yearning for our children, but eventually we learn what we need to do to cope.

I just passed the two and a half year mark and I believe Karen R. is a little past 3 years.  We are not who we use to be, but we are surviving.  Do not give up and do whatever it takes for you to go on.

I pray for everyone here to have those days when we almost feel a little 'normal'.  God's blessing to you all & sending hugs of understanding & comfort.  ooo

Comment by toni m dicarlo on January 25, 2013 at 6:51pm

I miss you so much Gabriel, how could you really be gone.  after 18 months I am still firghtened to the bone of a life without my 16 year old baby boy.  I want to hear "hey mom" 20 times a day. this is someones elses life not mine. My purpose on earth was to be Gabes mom,  his dad and I don't know where or how we got here in this place. I woke up the other nite and almost asked wheres Gabe and then I remembered

  

Comment by Karen R. on January 23, 2013 at 10:27pm

It's ok Shirlee, we all have to "rant" sometimes. I know what you mean about sleep not always coming so easy. Sometimes, bedtime is the worst for me, seems like that's when my "scary" movie begins, I relive those moments and days leading up to my son's passing away. Can be quite torturous. Sending hugs.

Comment by Shirlee Smith on January 22, 2013 at 11:06pm

This past Saturday made three months since that horrible Friday morning when on my way to work one of my worst fears came true I came upon an accident and when I seen the back end of that truck I knew it was my son Joe's. I did not see the men holding the sheet off to the side all I could see was how badly his truck was torn up. I remember trying to run towards his truck and all these firemen and this other man just kept saying how sorry they were. I thought everything was finished with the insrance and I get home from work to find a letter from the insurance telling me that they need me to fill out more paper work. I think it this pain gets worse everyday not better. I do not understand how God can take someone so young with their whole life still ahead of them. sorry everyone I just needed to rant a little so I can try and get some sleep which seems to not come very easily these last few months.

Comment by Karen R. on January 16, 2013 at 6:00pm

Hey Ammy, I totally understand what you last posted, we all have these racing thoughts I'm sure. I am also happy for any of us walking in our shoes that has found some relief. Sending hugs back to you and all members.

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