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Comment by Ammy on March 20, 2013 at 2:56pm

Hugs {{{{{Connie}}}}}.  My heart aches for you today.  I can't imagine the extra pain of having to pick a stone and find the words to engrave.  We have our son's ashes with us.  I don't know if I will ever be able to let them go.  I don't know that extra pain those that have done this have gone through but I'm sure it takes so much inner strength and I can't do it.

My heart goes out to Jing also.  I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  ♥

Thinking of you all and sending love.

(Mom of Chas 7/14/2010)

Comment by Connie K on March 20, 2013 at 11:55am

Hello evryone. I am sending you all love and hugs because I know how bad it hurts and how it seems no one around you really gets it.  Toni, I too am facing my son's 18th birthday which would have been March 31st. We are supposed to be shopping for his first car, he was going to graduate and despite hellish medical issues he had to endure, he was doing it and getting better. Then he became a victim as someone made a wreckless and dealy decision while driving. It was a friend of his who still wom't take responsibility. Now he has finally been charged with manslaughter. Instead of celebrating Daniel's birthday we will be going to court next week in this case. I am heart sick for ALL of his friends involved - 2 boys survived the accident. His girlfriend is also devastated. His best friend full of guilt for not being able to be there with him that night like they had planned. And I know what you mean - I am trying to meet my responsibilities while being in gut wrenching pain all the time. I wake up crying and go to sleep crying. Last might I dreamed I had him back as a baby.  I was holding him saying "he's not dead yet, I have him right here." As a Mom we have those physical memories of the child birth. I feel in my body, heart and soul those feelings I had when I was going to be having a new baby any day. And today is one of those days I wonder how I will get through again. Just like someone else said - for me it is getting harder and harder. It has only been 3 months and I feel like my mind hasn't let me accept this tragedy still. And sometimes reality shoots through to the heart and POW. we are planting a tree in his honor in a couple of weeks and I have to go get the stone to have engraved today. I guess it's true if it's written in stone.....I miss you so much my beautiful beautiful baby. I'm sure you light up heaven even more. Hugs to all of you.

Comment by toni m dicarlo on March 18, 2013 at 6:01pm

Thank you Karen, all there in black and white. So many people said and did things  after Gabriel died out of shock i guess, or they avoided me all together.

 

Comment by Karen R. on March 18, 2013 at 8:14am

Here is a poem for all new members.

Unless you've lost a child.......then 
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it. 
A part of us died with our child. 
Don't tell us they are in a better place. 
They are not here with us, where they belong. 
Don't say at least they are not suffering. 
We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all. 
Don't tell us at least we have other children. 
Which of your children would you have sacrificed? 
Don't ask us if we feel better. 
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up. 
Don't force your beliefs on us. 
Not all of us have the same faith. 
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years. 
What year would you choose for your child to die? 
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear. 
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else. 
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain. 
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child. 
No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things. 
Don't take our anger personally. 
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us. 
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. 
We are in pain, but not deaf. 
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. 
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us. 
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. 
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others. 
Don't tell us to get on with our lives. 
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. 
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar. 
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying 
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those 
tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry. 
Do put your arms around us and hold us. 
We need your strength to get us through each day. 
Do say you remember our child, if you do. 
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them. 
Do let us talk about our child. 
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever. 
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings. 
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. 
Cry with us if you want to. 
Do remember us on special dates. 
Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are 
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child. 
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child. 
We do. 
Do show our family that you care. 
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain. 
Do be thankful for children. 
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain. 

Comment by Karen R. on March 18, 2013 at 7:02am

Oh my dear Jing!!!!! Soooo sorry. That's horrible!!!! It's so hard to say WELCOME to such a club because it's not a place where any of us would volunteer to belong to but I do say welcome to a group that totally understands what you are going through. I know that pain and anger that you are feeling. There is NOTHING worse than this...NOTHING! There are no comforting words, I just hope you continue to join us or just read the postings. Absolutely no one will judge your thoughts or feelings here. This group has helped prevent me from ending my own life because I know that unfortunately I am not alone, I have managed to avoid a psychiatric admission. It is vital for me to have my feelings validated. Sending you hugs.

Comment by Jing Enriquez on March 18, 2013 at 12:49am

hello,

I am new here and lost my 6 year old daughter last Feb 20, 2013. I lost my only daughter who's not been sick, she left to school very happy but she wasn't able to come home alive, instead she came home dead. From her classroom she was rushed to the hospital, but before that she was scolded by her teacher and been called "ugly" which made my daughter so hurt, in which after that she was crying, then eventually faint out but only the nanny notice. If the nanny wasn't arrived at the classroom, my daughter will die inside the classroom.

So much pain we are having right now.

Comment by Karen R. on March 17, 2013 at 10:05pm

Hi Toni, so sorry, I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain. This part of life is the ugly side.....so awful. There is no emotional/physical pain that could ever compare to this. Sending hugs to all.

Comment by Ammy on March 16, 2013 at 11:22am

Robin wrote "I will say that most days for me have gotten a little easier, though it seems like the last week or so I have been having some hard days again. Not really sure why,"

I ask myself the same question and I can only believe that we will always have those harder periods.  I know I may go a few days feeling okay and think to myself that it is finally getting easier and then it just hits again.

Anyone else feel this way?

Hugs & blessings to all.

(Mom of Chas 7/14/2010)

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 16, 2013 at 12:55am

Toni
I would have never believed this could be so physically painful either. I'm sorry.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 16, 2013 at 12:53am

Nice to see you on here again Robin. I think we all have regrets. I really struggle with guilt.

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