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Comment by toni m dicarlo on March 18, 2013 at 6:01pm

Thank you Karen, all there in black and white. So many people said and did things  after Gabriel died out of shock i guess, or they avoided me all together.

 

Comment by Karen R. on March 18, 2013 at 8:14am

Here is a poem for all new members.

Unless you've lost a child.......then 
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it. 
A part of us died with our child. 
Don't tell us they are in a better place. 
They are not here with us, where they belong. 
Don't say at least they are not suffering. 
We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all. 
Don't tell us at least we have other children. 
Which of your children would you have sacrificed? 
Don't ask us if we feel better. 
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up. 
Don't force your beliefs on us. 
Not all of us have the same faith. 
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years. 
What year would you choose for your child to die? 
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear. 
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else. 
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain. 
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child. 
No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things. 
Don't take our anger personally. 
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us. 
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. 
We are in pain, but not deaf. 
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. 
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us. 
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. 
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others. 
Don't tell us to get on with our lives. 
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. 
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar. 
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying 
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those 
tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry. 
Do put your arms around us and hold us. 
We need your strength to get us through each day. 
Do say you remember our child, if you do. 
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them. 
Do let us talk about our child. 
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever. 
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings. 
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. 
Cry with us if you want to. 
Do remember us on special dates. 
Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are 
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child. 
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child. 
We do. 
Do show our family that you care. 
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain. 
Do be thankful for children. 
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain. 

Comment by Karen R. on March 18, 2013 at 7:02am

Oh my dear Jing!!!!! Soooo sorry. That's horrible!!!! It's so hard to say WELCOME to such a club because it's not a place where any of us would volunteer to belong to but I do say welcome to a group that totally understands what you are going through. I know that pain and anger that you are feeling. There is NOTHING worse than this...NOTHING! There are no comforting words, I just hope you continue to join us or just read the postings. Absolutely no one will judge your thoughts or feelings here. This group has helped prevent me from ending my own life because I know that unfortunately I am not alone, I have managed to avoid a psychiatric admission. It is vital for me to have my feelings validated. Sending you hugs.

Comment by Jing Enriquez on March 18, 2013 at 12:49am

hello,

I am new here and lost my 6 year old daughter last Feb 20, 2013. I lost my only daughter who's not been sick, she left to school very happy but she wasn't able to come home alive, instead she came home dead. From her classroom she was rushed to the hospital, but before that she was scolded by her teacher and been called "ugly" which made my daughter so hurt, in which after that she was crying, then eventually faint out but only the nanny notice. If the nanny wasn't arrived at the classroom, my daughter will die inside the classroom.

So much pain we are having right now.

Comment by Karen R. on March 17, 2013 at 10:05pm

Hi Toni, so sorry, I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain. This part of life is the ugly side.....so awful. There is no emotional/physical pain that could ever compare to this. Sending hugs to all.

Comment by Ammy on March 16, 2013 at 11:22am

Robin wrote "I will say that most days for me have gotten a little easier, though it seems like the last week or so I have been having some hard days again. Not really sure why,"

I ask myself the same question and I can only believe that we will always have those harder periods.  I know I may go a few days feeling okay and think to myself that it is finally getting easier and then it just hits again.

Anyone else feel this way?

Hugs & blessings to all.

(Mom of Chas 7/14/2010)

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 16, 2013 at 12:55am

Toni
I would have never believed this could be so physically painful either. I'm sorry.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 16, 2013 at 12:53am

Nice to see you on here again Robin. I think we all have regrets. I really struggle with guilt.

Comment by toni m dicarlo on March 15, 2013 at 6:49pm

18 months  goneand I am now facing Gabriels 18 birthday, This is not my life and every day i get up to go to work and i am the walking numb, I dream about  his beautiful face almost every night and wake up crying. It seems that after an okay day the next is so very sad and physically painful, I never knew such sadness could be so physically painful

 

Comment by Robin Jone on March 14, 2013 at 6:51pm

Have not been on here for awhile, my youngest daughter moved back home which is good for me any way. I don't have as much quiet time to just sit and think. On the 3rd of this month, it had been 18 months since I lost my son, Zach. For those of you who are new to this group, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish that we would never have to have new members, I don't wish this pain on any one. I will say that most days for me have gotten a little easier, though it seems like the last week or so I have been having some hard days again. Not really sure why, but I am remembering times with Zach growing up and having some regrets. I have three daughters also, and I just had a different relationship with Zach them I have with them. I didn't have a whole lot in common with Zach, but as he was getting older we were getting closer. I regret that we weren't as close or did as much together as I did with my daughters. The other night I just lay in bed and cried feeling so sad that I didn't do more with him than I did. Does anyone else ever have those feelings. I am sad that just when we were beginning to spend more time together, that is when I lost him. I miss him so very much, and wish I could just give him one more big hug and tell him how much I love him and miss him. I have to believe that some day I will see him again or I would go crazy. Sending prayers and hugs to all.

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