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Comment by Bern on May 7, 2013 at 8:15pm

Hi Sophia,

OMG!.This is another world, life and script that no one should have to act out. You said in words how I feel ever day. Please continue to share how you feel as well as I will. I am fighting for my job and lost my only son. He was shot! I don't believe a 20 year old playing with a gun Russian roulette. Every DA and lawyer just talk about my son as if he is not a person. Glad holidays don't mean too much cause, I always told my children. "Everyday is a holiday" Be good to me now. Well, I have did nothing but work hard and loved my children. This is payback for doing right. I just don't understand. 7months without my Son!

Comment by linda hernandez on May 7, 2013 at 7:53pm

The pain of facing Mother’s Day without a child can be the loneliest pain a mother will ever know. There is an empty ache that becomes increasingly more evident as the day approaches and there seems to be no way to find relief.

It is wise to share these feelings with other family members
and friends rather than to avoid the topic. By sharing how you feel, you can alert others to be more sensitive to your needs during this painful day of sad reminders. 

Remember that this is not a time to worry about hurting other’s feelings, but rather, a time to make your wishes known.

Whatever you choose to do, remember not to set expectations too high for the day. Plan to do something that is healing for you, but realize that you will still experience a wide gamut of emotions and many tears will fall.

Comment by Karen R. on May 7, 2013 at 2:00pm

Hey Sophia, I understand everything you just said, absolutely nothing makes sense and I'm sure if it ever will. This is a hard part to play. 

Comment by Sophia on May 7, 2013 at 10:30am

Broken is exactly how I feel. I'm frozen since I recently lost my job. It's been 1 1/2 years since my son Jimmy died & I'm trying to carry on but it's so difficult. I'm forever changed & I'm just trying to move forward but it's like I'm lost in an unfamiliar world where I don't know the customs or language. I'm disassociated from the world & I don't want to be difficult or make people uncomfortable. I can't help but feel like I'm playing a part in a play, like I'm playing make believe-I'm just going through the motions. Yet I feel frustrated by everyone for going on with their lives as they always have. I'm looking at my life so differently now, I just don't understand how people do it. I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense. Does anything make sense? Nothing seems to make sense to me right now.

Comment by Karen R. on May 6, 2013 at 9:48pm

Bonnie....oops, sorry for your pain!

Comment by Karen R. on May 6, 2013 at 9:48pm

Hello Bonnie, I am so sorry for your that I can relate to all too well, like pretty much all of us here, I had also tried to imagine what a parent must feel like when they lose their child, now I see how so un-imaginal it truly is! The best word to describe me now continues to be, 'BROKEN', that's what I am. My heart also hurts for your grandchild, how awful is that at such a young age. I hope you will be able to find strength for him even if you have to fake it around him...poor baby. Please try to keep in touch with all of us here. No one will criticize or judge your feelings and thoughts. Sending you hugs.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on May 6, 2013 at 5:14pm

Sending hugs to you all.  This is my 3rd mother's day without my son.  It really never gets easier.  Just different compared to the 1st year.  Still sad, still hard to accept.  Reminders brings memories to flood back like fresh cut grass.  A sunny day, a rainy day... doesn't seem to matter, memories always take hold.  I just let myself grieve when they come.  Missing my son today and every day. 

Comment by Grace on May 6, 2013 at 10:18am

Yes.... we all regret the first holidays ...birthdays.... I can relate to you all... April he would have been 18 on the 17th..... May 27 will be 4 years.... yet I still have bad days.....  I relive those last moments over and over too..... Bonnie..... and My husband just lost his job and things do not look good for the summer.... hoping things will get better for the fall.... Our Marriage has been very stressful and on the brink of divorce.... and my family have not been very kind either.... Michelle..... I can relate to everything said here..... There is never a day that I do not think of Niles..... but I do have good days too....

about 3 weeks ago, I was at a party where I met a man who had recently lost his wife... boy did we talk... I lost my first husband in 1983...  He did not know why he picked me out of the crowd to talk to... fate I guess...?????  Shared my story and that I also lost my son.... it is a real kind of pain. 

Comment by Michelle H on May 6, 2013 at 9:34am

It is hard enough to suffer the loss of a child. When it's accompanied by people intentionally imposing other hurts on top of the already unthinkable, it can be completely overwhelming.

Comment by Bern on May 6, 2013 at 9:14am

Bonnie is my nickname too.

I lost my son 7mths ago. My husband and I still can not talk about it. I am fighting to keep my job. I can not bear this either..I will think of you and send any sweet thoughts your way.

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