Comment

Comment by Michelle H on June 4, 2013 at 3:30pm

Shelley, I doubt very much that you're begrudging your son's friends or girlfruend their lives. But right now, you're seeing them stepping into some areas that were your son's in the past. And you probably wonder why it's not him. You're struggling, like all of us here, to deal with a world that ni longer makes sense. I hope you won't be so hard on yourself.

Comment by Shelley on June 4, 2013 at 2:24pm

I don't know Michelle... this is so hard sometimes I feel like I am being selfish and then I feel even worse it that is at all possible. :(

Comment by Michelle H on June 4, 2013 at 2:10pm

Shelley, you're not being selfish; you're facing the difficult of seeing your son's friends going on with their lives. And it hurts. By all means, keep your son's dog!

Comment by Shelley on June 4, 2013 at 2:00pm

Karen R ....My son was the manager of a small garden store. Now his very good friend that he got a job there for is the manager. My son's girlfriend is also working there. Every year they all went to a 4 day music festival that my son discovered and they all loved. They are all going this year with out him. My son had just bought a 2006 Dodge Charger and his girlfriend is trying to take over the loan. His girlfriend spends all her time (and yes nights) at my sons good friends house. I am so jealous that they get to go on with their lives and my son don't. its only been 4 months and I miss him so much. Am I horrible for being jealous? I am soooo crushed. Only thing is I am keeping his dog. I am.. if and when his girlfriend moves out of my house the dog is staying with me. his girlfriend may be mad but I am keeping the dog. Am I being selfish?

Comment by Michelle H on June 4, 2013 at 1:36pm

Does it...or did it...seem like after your child passed away that a whole lot of other things went wrong in a relatively short period of time? Almost as if losing a child wasn't even to push you over the edge? I guess that's just the normal stuff of life, but it seems like life is being especially cruel. I'm ready for a break!

Comment by Karen R. on June 4, 2013 at 1:13pm

Wow Teresa, you are so right, that's exactly how i feel, I feel like I'm grieving my son's future. I always say that I feel like my son and I were both robbed of his young life. I have mentioned before how i sobbed uncontrollably at a friend's wedding while her new husband did his mother/son dance. I tried to hold it in but I erupted into tears and began to wail. I felt so bad for not being able to control my emotions at such a joyous occassion, i didn't want any attention to be on my sadness, after all, it was her day. Watching him dance with his mother just reinforced that I would NEVER be able to have that dance with my son. I felt awful but everyone thank goodness was very supportive and comforting....or at least tried to be. I feel like I have to be fake, I hate making others feel uncomfortable around me...well, usually I feel bad but sometimes I don't, I feel like they need to know how I'm feeling, of course in a situation like her wedding, I felt bad. That's why I usually prefer not to go to any events. Everything is just a cruel reminder that my son is gone! I couldn't even dance at my own daughter's wedding, I haven't danced since my son passed and it will be 4 years in October....dancing is something I had always loved.

Comment by Karen R. on June 4, 2013 at 12:58pm

Michelle, I think you're right, they are "fixers".

Comment by Jane P on June 4, 2013 at 11:46am

When do you know you're in trouble? I am like others who are finding the grief getting worse. I am only sad and have no other feelings. It takes too much strength to wear "the mask". I am broken. 

Comment by Teresa D. on June 4, 2013 at 11:45am

A few mixed thoughts.

I think men and women do deal differently but I don't think the pain is any less.

 

The other day without thinking I was speaking about my son in a conversation with a new neighbor. She ended up asking me how many kids I had. I didn't really know how to answer. So I told her I have two: my daughter who is 24 and my son who passed in Sept. 2012 who would have been 30.  She politely ended the conversation and went inside. 

I find some people think I should be moving on.  Some are afraid of me. I guess they don't want to be me.  while others just look at you with such sadness.  I'm just trying my best to deal with it. 

I think your right the first few months your just numb and full of disbelief.  Then later reality starts to really set in.    The future we talk about the day he died I will never get to see.

 

I am usually looked at as a strong person... problem is no one seems to recognize that I just can't be that person right now.  Everyone around me expects it but I can't be it. I don't people realize when it's your child your not just grieving your child but your grieving their future that is also gone.

Comment by Michelle H on June 4, 2013 at 10:52am

I always find it refreshing when I see posts from men on here. Unfortunately males are socialized to be "strong," to keep their more vulnerable feelings hidden. Also men are doers and fixers, and this is one thing they just can't fix.

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