Comment

Comment by Karen R. on June 5, 2013 at 8:36pm

Hey Shelley, I understand the jealousy so well, it's probably more envy than anything else. I go through this with my son's friends. Seeing them going on with their lives makes me feel like they're forgetting him like he never existed...I know that sounds irrational and is probably not true but nevertheless, that's how I feel. I feel like the sun should never rise again because my son is not here. In my opinion, you have every right to keeping your son's dog, maybe I'm pushy but I probably wouldn't have even asked to tell the truth. The girlfriend should've offered. You will always be his mom but she may have not always been his girlfriend. I hope your son's dog brings you some comfort no matter how small it may be.

Comment by Grace on June 5, 2013 at 6:14pm

Well.... I lost my first husband when I was 21... And as I said earlier... I buried him next to his Mom...but I was very offended that his Dad did not recognize that he was married and happy with me....  yet after time I did find new love and then married my current husband had 3 children... then lost our Niles.....Losing my son has been the worst!  Yet because I was a young Widow.... I feel that side too.   It has been 30 plus years and I still carry the love that I have for my first husband...but my life has been a novel full of chapters....many I wish I did not have... especially losing my son.

My husband (#1) Parents did come to my and Wedding and befriended my #2 husband.... and his sister (Husband#1) came to the hospital when I was losing my son from husband #2  And it really meant a lot.   It still gave me the feeling of connection to my first husband and his family... I visited and went to weddings... it was distant but yet it helped resolve some of the hurt I had with his Dad not changing his grave Stone....but 30 years later... I still hurt about that.... and now my father-in-law is dead too....   My how the years have passed.... but I still carry that love... as we all will with our kids..... forever.

Comment by Sophia on June 5, 2013 at 12:36pm

I feel moved to comment after reading others posts. It is so difficult to watch friends of our deceased children move on, I remember feeling angry & not understanding at first how. My sons girlfriend of 3 yrs. met her new boyfriend 7 mos. after he died. At first I was surprised & hurt, I remember thinking "I wonder how Jimmy would feel". But I realized that she (they) is young & she was so sad, depressed & could barely function after Jimmy died. I was & am happy that she is able to move forward. She's only 22 yrs. old, Jimmy would be 24 this month. I decided to believe that if Jimmy is at peace, which I hope & pray he is, he wouldn't want her to be grief stricken & unhappy with her whole life ahead of her. Although, when my daughter told me that her new boyfriend proposed marriage & asked me if I would go to the wedding I honestly responded that I do not believe I will be able to. They're not getting married for another couple of years but none the less I don't think I can. But I wish her (them) all the happiness in the world.
I miss my son & I miss his friends. I miss my old life, my old self - I miss the way the world seemed to be before...before the entire world shifted.

Comment by Shelley on June 5, 2013 at 12:30pm

and I forgot to addshe's never there at home to spend any time with the dog. This dog has bonded with my dogs and me.

Comment by Shelley on June 5, 2013 at 12:22pm

To Grace... they were together when the dog was adopted. However my son picked him out on Facebook and I paid for transport to get the dog from Missouri to Michigan. I paid for all his vet care and food. She never offers me money to feed him. I am feeding 4 dogs now and she offers nothing. My son gave me money when he was here to feed the dog. So even tho she considers thr fog hers I don't. I consider the dog was his...now he's mine.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 5, 2013 at 10:21am

Karen we share the same thoughts and experiences.  I have had to attend weddings and baby showers.  Each one all I wanted to do was stand in a corner and cry.  I will never see my Michael have those 4 kids he talked about.  I will never see my Michael get married.  I grieve losing him but I also grieve that future that he and I talked about the day he passed.   

Karen I don't think your selfish I think your grieving and processing.  

Your son's girlfriend and friend haven't forgotten him because it is your son bonding them.  They are going to that concert because they know he is going to be there too.

 

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 5, 2013 at 9:28am

Marilyn, just love him with ur whole heart and show him that love-- it will help you both and is healing. My son was my only child and what I do is send him all my love everytime, I talk to him and it helps as I know he is with me helping me all the time.I just wonder about how he is as we always knew what each other was doing and where we were regardless of the distances.... hugs to all here 

Comment by Grace on June 5, 2013 at 5:41am

Shelly   did the girlfriend and your son get the dog TOGETHER in the relationship? Or was it How long were they together?  I ask this because over 30 years a go... I lost my husband and chose to bury him next to his mother... at his dad's request.  I paid all funeral expenses except the lot and his grave marker...  when I went to his grave the marker only said Beloved Son.... not wife.... I was very angry and hurt... and my father in law refused to change it and I could not do anything because it was his lot and stone.... I've never been back to the grave again and have my son's ashes in my dresser next to my bed.  I felt that my father in law did not respect our marriage.

Comment by Grace on June 5, 2013 at 5:31am

I think men and women do grieve differently...but it is not a competition... I have said this to my husband and other children.  It is what it is.... But I think for us mothers... we carried that Life in our bodies... then gave birth to them.... that is why I say I feel like this Big turkey that has had all of the inside removed out my A$$ and it reached all the way up to ripping my heart out.... I feel hollow from the inside.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 5, 2013 at 12:42am

I wonder how Dick is doing and I miss his posts.

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