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Comment by anne on June 14, 2013 at 1:54pm

I too cry almost everyday for my boys, and I've been doing this for a long time. It is the bodies way of releasing the pain and anxiety. As time has gone by, and I mean a lot of time, I find that I'm not as teary everyday like I used to be. Night time is the hardest for me. When the world is quiet and asleep my brain has a hard time shutting down. All it takes is a memory or a picture, or the smell of cookies baking. Sometimes my mind can conjure up lots of triggers. That's when I pray. Prayer is a good distraction for me. Crying is ok. It means we're dealing with things and not running from them. I always believe that I can run but I can't hide. Especially from myself! Good day to all

Comment by Connie K on June 14, 2013 at 1:43pm

I also cry for all of you who have lost a child. I am just amazed at how many people are going through this nightmare and I so feel all of your pain.

And Sunday is Father's Day. Don't know what to do for my husband so I got him a little lemon tree for our patio. Daniel always loved lemons. I am putting rocks decorated by his best friends and myself around the tree. We did this at his school with neighbors and friends and it is a beautiful way to have a living memorial to him. Lots of tears but wonderful memories that make me smile right through them. Life is crazy.

Comment by Connie K on June 14, 2013 at 1:37pm

I am with you too - I understand how you feel. A family member recently asked me as I was crying one morning. "Do you have any medication for that? Just so you don't cry every day?" I was stunned and felt bad and then knew I can't really be open with my feelings with so many people. Tears are natural and help release some grief and help us work through the pain. I cry so many times a day. I have been crying since my son passed also and will always cry for missing him. Right now it is simply a great physical and emotional need. May everyone find some peace today.

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 14, 2013 at 9:46am

All I can say is I am with you.It feels inadequate.

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 14, 2013 at 9:45am

Every time i see a new post , I know exactly what is going through the person.the times one feels the closeness to the one who was so beloved , the times one feels the yawning distance and the pain of being wrenched, the times one feels immense grief at the abruptness of a physical life ending without warning, the times we hope that all is well with them and also know that it is , the times of doubt about it all and the times of guilt about having a semblance of happiness and yet feel so helpless about anything which can fix it for oneself or others-- its all so monumental in its impact. 

Comment by Teresa D. on June 14, 2013 at 9:38am

I'm with you Adrianne.  Everyday for the past 9 months I have been crying.  I try real hard to make it through the day but haven't been able to do it yet.  Today I woke up crying.  I miss my Michael soooo bad!!!!!! I miss our conversations, his smile, his laugh, hearing "love you mom" and so much more.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 14, 2013 at 12:48am

My eyes just water and water. Tears run down my face. Hasn't stopped since my son died. I thought for sure I blew out tear ducts. Doctor says I'm still crying. Constantly. I asked how I could cry when I'm in a conversation, smiling or sharing s laugh. Seems that it is the body's way of handling the pain. I have been crying since the day he passed. Anyone else dealing with this?

Comment by anne on June 13, 2013 at 5:33pm

Dear Connie, as a veteran grieving mother I say Each one of us is different. The way we handle grief is as unique as our fingerprints, and when it comes to the death of a child, there is no rule book to tell us how this is done. So those who don't know can't help. I have found in my journey through this hell, I have had to find my own way. However I did have a good therapist who taught me some very good coping skills that helps a lot. Sometimes nothing helps, even me. I still hear whispers of how I should be over things, but you know it's always someone who has never walked in my shoes so most of the time I deal with it, although I do have my days. Don't be too hard on yourself. This kind of stuff takes a lot of time, and it never goes away you just deal with it better some days, and some days you just do the best you can. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Comment by Connie K on June 13, 2013 at 5:20pm

Thanks for your support everyone. Vasanthi - Although I am having a hard time coping with this grief, I do have faith and feel that still with my son is still with me. I am just having to have a different relationship with him. I know what you mean when you feel their presence and are surrounded in love. It is the most important thing - I know he is with me and I do feel the love. If I didn't I simply couldn't go on. But since it has only been 6 months, I think I am still in shock and sometimes the harsh reality of his physical absence just hits me like a huge wave knocking me to the ocean floor.  It just hurts and some days I just don't want to do anything at all. I know this is not how my son would want me to be, it just is the way it is for now. But I do try very hard to keep a spiritual outlook and appreciate your inspiration. Love is forever.

Marilyn - I do also get some comfort from the fact that my son did not suffer when he died, even though it was a violent car accident. He died instantly. He had suffered with Crohn's Disease and complications from it for the last few years and was often in terrible pain, certainly constant pain. I do thank God that he was taken quickly and did not great pain and suffering from awful injuries he could have sustained. And I know he is finally pain free and is happy in God's arms. I do find peace in that and that will have to do until I see him again.

Mary - I know just how you feel when people say things that make you feel that somehow we are not grieving "right". They can't know the pain we are going through and God forbid they ever have the opportunity. I'm so glad you were able to express your feelings to your family. I think people just aren't sure what to say and appreciate the insight.

Yes, I think I will put that book down! There have been several that are extremely helpful and keep me stay connected to those who have made their way through. Thanks for your book recommendation. I will check it out.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 13, 2013 at 4:53pm

Tomorrow will be 9 months since my Michael went to heaven.   I miss him more today than yesterday.  Everyday I tell myself I'm not going to cry, haven't made it yet but I'm working on it.  Some days I'm still in disbelief and have to argue with myself not to call his phone. I just want him to answer so I can tell him what a horrible nightmare I had.  He was my first born, my only son, my Little Smurf.  My mind runs through his life everyday while I try to think how I can live it for him now.  I just want to run to the highest mountain and scream for him.  I know I can't have him back no more then any of you. 

Connie there are days I feel exactly as you do.

Marilynn I'm going to try and hold on to your thought of God is letting us feel their love and warmth from heaven.

Mommy Loves You Michael Cristo Dimitri III.

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