Comment

Comment by anne on July 8, 2013 at 11:11pm

You did not miss lead. It sounds like they didn't even include you, and you are his mother. That's cruel. Sometimes others don't think or care about your feelings. I had a friend get angry with me because I didn't spend enough time with her at my sons funeral. She became very mean. Needless to say we are not friends anymore. Certainly don't need to be around people like that. Maybe you can talk to them and ask them why they didn't include you? It's a hard thing to deal with.

Comment by Karen R. on July 8, 2013 at 10:26pm

Hello Michelle, sorry for your extra pain that none of us need. On the contrary, my son's final resting place is a little under a mile from where I live, so I can't imagine it being 175 miles away. Listen , no one can judge, we all may have different coping skills.  I find myself at times trying to convince myself that nothing ever happened. My youngest son has done just that, he pretends that his brother is "away" somewhere that he can't communicate or go visit him. I don't press him on it, I leave him be, he was 14 yrs old when it happened and now he's 18 and he's still doing it, that's how he copes.

Comment by Michelle H on July 8, 2013 at 9:44pm

Anne, thank you for your kindness and compassion. I hope I didn't mislead anyone. I was at my son's funeral, but the in-laws chose not to mention that Chris had parents or a sister. It added to the pain and made it feel even more surreal.

Comment by Michelle H on July 8, 2013 at 9:44pm

Anne, thank you for your kindness and compassion. I hope I didn't mislead anyone. I was at my son's funeral, but the in-laws chose not to mention that Chris had parents or a sister. It added to the pain and made it feel even more surreal.

Comment by anne on July 8, 2013 at 9:26pm

Dear Michelle, I feel so scared for you because you had some special things taken from you. I didn't get to see my little boy, but I held his body in a bag, which was bad enough, but not getting to have any connection doesn't sound good to me. I am so sorry that happened to you. I am also so sad that he's buried so far from you. We are here for you!

Comment by Michelle H on July 8, 2013 at 5:03pm

I feel like I'm incapable of comprehending that my son actually died. I never saw him deceased, his side of the family wasn't involved in or even mentioned at his funeral, and his grave is in a cemetery probably 175 miles from where I live. How can I grieve if I can't feel? I'm going about my life as if this tragedy didn't happen. Only rarely does a tiny bit of reality creep in. Everything is a blur from those first couple of months.

Comment by Karen R. on July 8, 2013 at 9:49am

Yes, Vasanthi, I totally understand. This is so hard. Life's distractions get me through each day.

Comment by Vasanthi S on July 8, 2013 at 9:34am

Same here Karen, I read and i retreat...was also thinking how people who have not had crushing sorrow at some time or the other in their lives, do not really understand . You do not get over this like one gets over a loss, like loss of house, job, relationship, because one can get over loss but how do you get over Love? Love - the most sacred and beautiful remains.

Comment by Teresa D. on July 8, 2013 at 9:32am

Trauma and stress can cause illness and body pains that a doctor can not document or find reason for.  This is not in our minds but very real for many people, including myself, who experience trauma.

 

Karen sometimes I feel the same way.  I look at my son's picture and then find myself asking, "How the hell did he get on here?"  It's just so surreal. But I return because as sad as it can be it let's me know I'm ok.  This site lets me know that I'm not alone in what I am experiencing. I also feel those down the road further then myself are preparing me for what is to come.  Good or bad.  I'm also looking for tools others use to be able to handle it. 

 

I haven't gotten this figured out yet, but I'm trying.  Somehow I will honor his life instead of crying over his death. I'm not there yet but I'm fighting and trying. 

 

Comment by Karen R. on July 8, 2013 at 9:12am

Hello to all, just wanted everyone to that I've reading your posts but it's been very difficult for me to participate. I'm very grateful for you all and my membership to this group but sometimes I feel overwhelmed that I am a member of such a group as this. My heart is with you all.

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