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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 11, 2013 at 12:13am

It will be two years this August 17. I'm finding it more difficult. Not less. Can barely look at his pictures and I have stopped listening to his voice mail. I miss my son so much. I feel like I died along with him and I'm left to endure a pain so horrific.

Comment by Michelle H on July 10, 2013 at 6:17pm

Anne, it seems beyond comprehension that so many of your close family members didn't attend your son's funeral. I am so, so sorry that you had to experience that. Your own parents?! What reason did they give for not being there to support you?

Comment by anne on July 10, 2013 at 4:47pm

Wow Michelle, i'm so sad you had to deal with that. Sometimes even those who are "family" can be the cruelest of all. I had a mother, father, 4 sisters, and 1 brother. Many aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and not a one showed up for my son Bens funeral. Even though I also had my daughter in the ICU not sure if she would make it either. Not a one. so I kinda know how you feel. We'll be alright. I think that's just one more thing they will have to answer for. Being angry with my family seemed to only hurt me, so I had to let it go, but I will never forget. I only see them now once every few years.

Ammy, Good for you! Every step, big or little toward survival is a good thing. I'm pretty sure your Charles is very proud of you too!

Comment by Michelle H on July 10, 2013 at 1:32pm

Ammy, it's good to see you posting on here again. Your many postings and kindness when I first became a member three and a half months ago really helped me in those early days. I fully understand what it's like to look at one particular day of the week as being very different from the others. In your case it's Wednesday. In mine it's Thursday. I am pleased for you that you feel you are making progress and it gives me hope for the rest of us whose grief is newer. I'm sorry you have had to be without your son for 3 years now. It's a pain like no other, even though most of the time I don't really comprehend what has happened. I guess that's just the body"s and spirit's way of protecting itself. T You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Ammy on July 10, 2013 at 11:11am

Today is Wednesday, the day our son left us, and it's exactly 156 weeks, which to me is the 3 year mark.  Not really the 14th, but that is the date most go by.  I have counted the weeks every week for these 3 years, but I have told myself that I am now going to stop.  Maybe this is another sign that I am healing some more. Not sure, but will see.  I have been okay so far today as for breaking down, but I can't stop thinking about him.  I'm sure that is normal too.  I still think of him every day, but not constantly anymore.  I tell myself this is good.  Maybe some of the anxiety will lessen even more and I will be able to breathe normally.  

I love you Charles.  You are forever in my heart.   ♥

Comment by Michelle H on July 9, 2013 at 11:55am

Obviously, that was supposed to say "son," not "sin!"

Comment by Michelle H on July 9, 2013 at 11:53am

Anne, I lost my best friend because I told her I was hurt that she didn't come to my son's funeral or the mass that was held several weeks afterwards. I "get" that she might not have wanted to travel to the funeral out of town, but the memorial mass was probably 5 miles from where she lives. She felt I was too demanding of the friendship and ended it. All I wanted was the support of the person I had considered my dear friend. I learned not to express my feelings to anyone after that.

As for the in-laws and not mentioning me, my "ex-husband,or our daughter, the mother-in-law told my current husband at the funeral luncheon that they intentionally didn't mention Chris' family because they wanted to focus on my sin's life down there because he was respected in their community.

Comment by anne on July 8, 2013 at 11:14pm

My daughters cope by acting like the boys were never here. I don't know how to deal with that. When I am with my daughters I'm not allowed to talk about the boys at all. It's very difficult. Maybe someday it will change.

Comment by anne on July 8, 2013 at 11:11pm

You did not miss lead. It sounds like they didn't even include you, and you are his mother. That's cruel. Sometimes others don't think or care about your feelings. I had a friend get angry with me because I didn't spend enough time with her at my sons funeral. She became very mean. Needless to say we are not friends anymore. Certainly don't need to be around people like that. Maybe you can talk to them and ask them why they didn't include you? It's a hard thing to deal with.

Comment by Karen R. on July 8, 2013 at 10:26pm

Hello Michelle, sorry for your extra pain that none of us need. On the contrary, my son's final resting place is a little under a mile from where I live, so I can't imagine it being 175 miles away. Listen , no one can judge, we all may have different coping skills.  I find myself at times trying to convince myself that nothing ever happened. My youngest son has done just that, he pretends that his brother is "away" somewhere that he can't communicate or go visit him. I don't press him on it, I leave him be, he was 14 yrs old when it happened and now he's 18 and he's still doing it, that's how he copes.

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