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Comment by Vasanthi S on July 18, 2013 at 10:34am

lots of love and healing being sent ur way to all here .want to say so much and rt now I just read everything,  andfeel blessed to have such a wonderful group here.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 18, 2013 at 2:31am

Ammy
I pray I can get to where you are. I'm so sad. So lonely without my son. I read every post. I am struggling worse than ever and though I want to reply, I usually can't. He was my everything.

Comment by Karen R. on July 17, 2013 at 11:06pm

Thanks Marilyn, maybe he will.

Comment by Karen R. on July 17, 2013 at 10:14pm

Just saying hello to all. I visited my son's final resting place today :(

I go pretty often but today it was like I needed to confirm that I was really going to see my son's name engraved on the monument stone, I felt like a crazy person.....more than usual. I read his name over and over again, I felt so empty.  I kept thinking how much my son didn't belong there, I kept thinking about how he was laid there when he was only 21 yrs old, I kept thinking about all of his friends that are enjoying the summer. I kept thinking about how much he loved to swim and how good he was at it. I stood there struggling to grasp the idea of why I need to accept this, I kept thinking why is this a part of life....like everyone tries to convince me. I just want him back, I want this all to be a mistake. I want him to have another chance. If only HE could tell me that he is truly fine and that everything is ok, then I would be ok.

Comment by Michelle H on July 17, 2013 at 2:02pm

Vasanthi, you are and always will be a mother! Just as I have two children, not one. It saddens me that you or anyone could feel stripped of that role because of a child's death. It's not like a divorce where you stop being someone's wife. You ARE Shreyas' mom and I am Christopher's mom. Sending loving thoughts.

Comment by Vasanthi S on July 17, 2013 at 12:19pm

Ammy, thanks n hugss

Comment by Ammy on July 17, 2013 at 12:17pm

Vasanthi,

I truly hurt for you.  I can't imagine the loss of an only child.  I only know the loss of my only son.

You will always be Shreyas ( Micky's) mother.  Nothing will ever change that.

    ♥

Comment by Vasanthi S on July 17, 2013 at 11:48am

Ammy, u said we are mothers-- if the only child is taken away , I'm still a mother-- without a child?

Comment by Ammy on July 17, 2013 at 11:14am

Oh how I would just love to be able to sit with all of you and give you loving assurance that we are going to be okay.  I have felt and still feel these things you speak of.  What I have learned (for myself) is to make myself stop thinking when the negative thoughts enter my mind.  eg:  Could I have done something? - Did I help cause his death? -  Why didn't I call him that day? - How could God allow this when I prayed so hard for him? - And the word 'NEVER' is pushed far back and away.  If we allow it, the negatives will take over.  It takes effort and practice but I have learned how to stop those thoughts most of the time and think of something to be thankful for and concentrate on praying for others.  Distraction works for me even if it's only temporary, but the time in between is getting longer.  Have hope and believe it will not always be as it is.  But would it be normal if we didn't feel this agony?  No, we must feel our loss, but we must continue to work through it.

I believe God understands each one of us.  He knows we are suffering.  He is listening and trying to comfort.  It's up to us to open ourselves up to Him again.  It's not easy, but I believe in time you will find that trust in Him again if you keep pursuing it.  I have found that I can find comfort in Him again and I had a very hard time praying after I lost my son.  I actually stopped for awhile as I saw no need for it if He wasn't going to answer the way I wanted, but we don't see the whole picture and I have to believe it will all be okay one day.  Not here, but in the hereafter.  Reading the Bible and inspirational books helped me to trust again.  I still complain to God and cry, but I know He doesn't judge me for that. 

Allow yourselves to grieve, but also take hold of whatever you can for getting through.   Sometimes it will be one day, one hour, or one minute at a time.  You are all beautiful women, mothers, and I know you will find your way just as I believe that I will find mine.

Sending much love and blessings to you all.

Comment by Teresa D. on July 17, 2013 at 8:08am

Just having a rough time this week.  It's the 10th month mark.  Just feeling like how do I live without my Michael?  I want to go to the highest mountain and scream his name.  Please someone go to heaven and bring him home.  Tell him I need him. 

 

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