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Comment by Teresa D. on July 21, 2013 at 9:11am

Not my Michael, can't be Michael. Damn it NOT MY MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!

WHY??????? Why after everything I've been through in life and after all the families I helped WHY would you let my Michael leave me.  I need him I can't breath without him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Please God let this be the longest worse nightmare I ever had.  let me wake up and call my Michael and tell him about this horrible nightmare!  Yes it's a bad day!

Comment by Teresa D. on July 21, 2013 at 8:49am

Marilyn that must have been very hard to do.   HUGS

Comment by Connie K on July 20, 2013 at 3:14pm

Marilyn, I am so sorry for your pain. It is just so hard to get rid of their physical things. The only things I have been able to let go of are things to his best friends that I knew he want them to have. Everytime I just go through schoolwork I find little gems - an essay about something I would have never asked hm about. I can't even open his dresser except to get tee-shirts out to sleep with or wear. But your insights about him being free of all the medical things is true and there is some peace in knowing he is in no more pain or held by the restraints of this world. But is OUR pain we are left to deal with. I am so sorry you had to go through that but at least it is done and you have taken one more step through this ordeal and made it. And I believe you made Brandon proud by helping other people who need it. I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel and that you are not alone even though it may feel that way. ((( )))

Comment by Ammy on July 20, 2013 at 11:49am

Marilyn, I understand how the adjusting to planning and doing things differently puts a strain on you.  Knowing he no longer has to suffer, but you missing the joy of his smiles and laughter is so bittersweet.  I hear you.  Hope you can have the good memories without too much sorrow.  Hugs.

Comment by Michelle H on July 19, 2013 at 7:41am

Mary, thank you, my friend. Hugs back.

Comment by Michelle H on July 18, 2013 at 7:56pm

An update for those who know of my painful struggle to get my son's death certificate: my daughter-in-law and I have slowly started resuming communication. Last week she responded to my request and sent me a copy. Praise God! She wasn't the one withholding it, by the way. Long story, doesn't matter now.

Comment by Ammy on July 18, 2013 at 6:26pm

Adrianne, I'm sorry I never comment to you on here.  I am not ignoring you, but I can't explain why exactly.  Maybe it's because I would like to help you and I can't?  I think I know what you are feeling.  I was very close to my son too.  Don't give up hope for improvement on this journey.  The first 2½ years were a constant twisting and turning of pain and emotions.

I am grateful that I have some better days more often, but I know this will be with me forever.  I just have to believe it will be a gentler journey or I would not be able to go on.  I also know there will still be stormy days as well.  How could there not be?  I still have them.  I just work through them one day at a time now.

I hope to hear from others that they are getting some relief.  I think it's so important for the newly grieved to know.  

I was blessed to connect with 2 moms early on that it had been years for them, and with their encouragement I believe it helped me through those days I don't wish to remember.

I always have a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, and to vent on for anyone that feels the need.  I may not be able to help in any way other than just by being there, but I am here.

Just know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Ammy on July 18, 2013 at 5:19pm

Connie, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard day.  I know we have all lost a part of us, but as I told Vasanthi, I can't imagine losing an only child.

I think it was special that you were able to see a video.  I know it can bring comfort and also pain.  There are days when I can watch them and be okay, and then there are the other days when they bring me low.  I hope you will be able to get a copy to keep for yourself.

Thinking of you and all the moms on here today.  Sending prayers.

Comment by Connie K on July 18, 2013 at 3:30pm

Vasanthi - I lost my only child as well and I just want you to believe that of course we are still mothers. We carried and birthed our children. Raised them with love. That will never die.Your child made you the person you are today - their Mom and all that teaches us in life. They will always be there guiding US now. Being a mom is my greatest joy and losing Daniel is my greatest sorrow. But I am and will always be his mom and so are you! I feel you pain - you are never alone. <3 <3

Comment by Connie K on July 18, 2013 at 3:24pm

Today is such a hard day. I am going along and BAM I can't believe he is gone. His girlfriend came by yesterday and showed me a video she had made about 4 days before he died. It was a funny video called "My boyfriend does my make-up".  It shows him so happy with her and his funny lovable self. It was both wonderful to see and of course a heartbreaking reminder of the beautiful person who is no longer here to laugh with. He was such a beautiful boy and how I miss holding those hands.  I love you Daniel forever and will miss you more every day. I pray for God's help in getting through one more day without you my sweet angel boy.

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