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Comment by Teresa D. on July 30, 2013 at 6:48am

The Christmas before my Michael passed away My boyfriend of 10 years asked me to marry him.  I was so excited.  My son was spending the holidays with me so he was the first to know.  Now the problem is since losing Michael I have not been able to commit to a date.  I don't know if it's because I'm just emotionally overwhelmed or if it is because I can't see it without my Michael or is it simply I won't allow myself to enjoy life without Michael?  I know he would want me to get married because he was so happy for us that morning.  I keep coming up with excuses of why dates won't work.  Am I doing this intentionally? I don't even know anymore.

Comment by Teresa D. on July 30, 2013 at 6:37am

Thank you for the support.  While that dream seemed short and silly, which I realized once I calmed down, it was enough to upset and depress me. 

Anne I'm going to try that next time that happens.  I'm going to try and tell myself it's just a dream and it can end anyway I want it to. 

Comment by Ammy on July 29, 2013 at 12:52pm

So sorry for those that have nightmares.  I'm glad you are able to continue the dream Anne.  I do visualizations of hugging my son, but it's not the same.

May the Lord wrap His arms around us all.  Hugs.

Comment by anne on July 29, 2013 at 12:49pm

Night mares oh how I despise them. I too know that fear of losing another. I live with it everyday, but I can't allow them to take over my life. Here's a little trick I use. It doesn't always work, but then again nothing works all the time. I try to think of how I would like the dream to end. In my nightmare I never get to my little boy. I hear him cry out for me, and I run to him but I never get to him. So When I wake up crying I fold my hands and dream while i'm awake that I do get to him, and that I hold him in my arms until the Lord comes. I'm not sure how it works, and it doesn't work all the time, but the times that it does I can fall back to sleep peacefully. I'm grateful even if it only works once in a while because that's one night I get to control the end even if it's only in my mind. Peace to all

Comment by Ammy on July 29, 2013 at 11:40am

Vasanthi, how are you doing?  You have not been here recently.  Check in.  I miss you.  Hugs.

Comment by Ammy on July 29, 2013 at 11:38am

Marilyn thanks for the link to the song.  I've never heard it before and I can relate.  Yes, I definitely believe you had an angel save you.

Anne, I have read so many times how music heals.  If that gives you comfort then you should definitely get out there and sing.  I love music, but I can't carry a tune.  It makes me sad, but I have to accept it.

Teresa I am so sorry you had a nightmare.  I know how real they are and I'm grateful I have not had any concerning my children or grandchildren.  Just other things.  I know they say everyone dreams but I hardly ever remember my dreams.  I've had a few of my son that I remembered and they seemed more like he was warning me.  I even pray to have one that I can give him another hug.  I miss that.

Feeling better today and have been keeping busy with chores.  Got behind.  Didn't do a thing since last Tuesday or Wednesday.  My back went out and I was limited to sitting and walking a little.  I think when we are physically attacked it does make our grief more pronounced.

May this new week be gentler and kinder to all.  Hugs.

Comment by Michelle H on July 29, 2013 at 10:52am

Oh Teresa, what a scary dream! I think you expressed a fear that we all have if we have living children: is something going to happen to them, too? I can relate...

Comment by Teresa D. on July 29, 2013 at 7:54am

I had a bad dream last night.  I don't know how or why but my daughter was buried under the kitchen floor.  I woke up screaming "GET HER OUT!"  I guess I'm so worried about losing the only child I have left. 

I need one of those angels to visit me.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 29, 2013 at 12:01am

Thinking of you all. With love and understanding.

Comment by anne on July 28, 2013 at 9:21pm

Today after I vented on my blog, I sat on the front steps broom in hand and sang. Sounds a little crazy, but I must say it sure made me feel better. Maybe tomorrow I will sit on the front steps with my real guitar and give the neighbors something to talk about! Peace to all!

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