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Comment by Michelle H on July 31, 2013 at 8:22pm

Jane, I think people often give subtle or not-so-subtle signs that they really don't want to hear about our feelings regarding our deceased child, so we keepthem close to the vest. Maybe it's because we know there's no way we'd be able to make them understand. Maybe even, though this may sound weird, we want to hang onto our own grief and not give any of it up to someone else. I just don't know.

Karen, love heading back your way.

Comment by Karen R. on July 31, 2013 at 7:56pm

Just sending my love to all.

Comment by Jane P on July 31, 2013 at 7:51pm

I too was going to write a "book" after my daughter died. I have not written anything.

Michelle

Memorial facebook page sounds so nice. You will create an inspiration for others.

Question for all

Why do we keep our grief a "secret"? Why am I not saying anything on facebook? Why can't we tell people how awful this is? Or is it just me that feels this way? I can tell a stranger but I can't tell anyone else?

Comment by Michelle H on July 31, 2013 at 7:06pm

Jane, thank you for asking. I am okay today. I saw my own therapist yesterdat for the first time in almost 3 years and was able to talk a lot about things around Chris death. Today I started a memorial Facebook page for him, which was a big step since I havenc't been able to work on the scrapbook, journal, or other things I want to accomplish.

Comment by Ammy on July 31, 2013 at 6:51pm

Jane, so good to hear you think it will be a good connection.  One step at a time towards helping yourself.  I'm very proud of you and I hope you will find some ways to help you walk through this journey.  It's going to take time but each step is a step forward and don't get too discouraged when you seem to be going nowhere.  It happens.

Be blessed.

Comment by Ammy on July 31, 2013 at 6:43pm

Gina, my heart is with you.  I really can't relate to time.  I was trying to recall how I was at 6 months, but my mind is blank.  I know it wasn't an easy time, but I guess nothing in particular stands out.  Every day in the beginning was the same.  Horrible.  I want so badly to say it will get better but I know each one of us may have a different time table for getting some relief.

I don't feel like I've left my son behind.  He is with me every day inside my heart.  We will never forget them but I do believe we gradually start to heal from horrible pain on a constant daily basis.

My daughter and I were just talking about some memories and I told her that in the beginning I actually thought it was some kind of a conspiracy of sorts and he really wasn't gone.  I believe my survival mode put my brain onto that line of thinking.  The first 2 weeks are a blur to me even now.  I get little remembrances of things that were going on, but I think I actually kind of lost my mind for awhile.

Adrianne, I know it's still hard for you.  I remember 2 years into this mess, but I really wish I would have kept some type of journal so I could remember when I started to have breaks from the gut wrenching ache.  As you said, and I agree, 'time is different for everyone' and time just keeps slipping away.  You said my posts are more positive.  I am trying to be positive because I could no longer stay in that valley of despair and I sincerely would like to give hope to others.  

I don't want to always be posting my rough times.  I think I mentioned before about meeting a couple of mothers online in the beginning of this grief journey and their positive notes to me gave me that hope that I could survive this horror and some day have a little normalcy back in my life.  Of course, they are many years into this journey but each day, month, year brings me a little closer.  At least that is my HOPE.

Adrianne, one other thing I wanted to say is that if you feel you are, as you say, 'slipping away more each day' then please, please seek some help.  I am very attached to you and it hurts me to see you feeling so lost and if you haven't seen any days of improvement it is not healthy for you.

Love to all.  My heart is with you.

Comment by Jane P on July 31, 2013 at 6:35pm

Michelle, how very thoughtful.

Yes, I met her today, more like a meet and greet, but I felt good talking to her. I think I have found a good "connection". I'm ready to receive help. I want this pain to soften. I want to remember my daughter with all the love I feel for her. She was my best friend. I miss her so much.

Thank you for asking,

That felt really good when I read it.

And you?

Comment by Michelle H on July 31, 2013 at 4:42pm

Jane, wondering how you're doing. I hope you were able to meet with the new therapist and established a good connection. Thinking of you with hugs and prayers.

Comment by Michelle H on July 31, 2013 at 2:27pm

Gina, I fully understand how you resent the passage of time because I feel the same way. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but I do. It has been just over 4 months since my own son died. Maybe it's because it feels like time takes us further away from our loved ones. Anyway, it doesn't feel good and it doesn't lessen the pain at all.

Comment by Gina Stone on July 31, 2013 at 1:51pm

Today it is 6 months since my son has died. I am starting to get angry that the time seems to be going by so fast, and yet I am still here feeling so lost and sad. I miss him so incredibly  much. I leave for my yearly vacation in the morning with my grandson to meet up with the rest of my family, but he should and would of been coming with me. Sometimes its really hard to move forward with life, I feel like Im deserting him. ugh!!!! This grief process is a horrible thing to have to go through, hugs to all of you.

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