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Comment by Vasanthi S on August 2, 2013 at 11:01am

Love and hugs to all here -- I always draw so much strength from this wonderful group of people. If I couldn't come here I would be more lost.Had read something beautiful, written by Paul Brunton, and have been searching so that I can post it here for all to read-- Haven't found it yet-- but I will and then will post it here..will help us all... xoxoxoxoxox

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 2, 2013 at 10:57am

Marilyn, plans are on , sometime after September , in a month or so after that, that's what we plan.... He has to come to meet my parents!I do wish he could have known Micks and am deeply saddened that it didn't happen that way-- feel bad, have doubts, lots of them about me being able to do justice to this relationship-- sometimes I hope he says I'm awful and calls it off! When I'm happy, I'm also a little guilty-- ughhhhh hate all these feelings , really hate them...Marilyn am happy though that you have spent time with others... I still balk at meeting lots of people :( sometimes people do not talk about Shreyas and I want to shout and say ," what did he do? why are you all pretending like he was never there?":( My mother toochanges the subject when I talk and I seethe ..oh how I seethe...:(

Comment by Jane P on August 2, 2013 at 7:38am

Mary

I am so happy you had a "good" day. We are now so grateful for the little things in life. They mean so much more than they ever did.

Michelle

Your poem is perfect!

Hope you all have some peace today.

Love to all of you

xxoo

Comment by Michelle H on August 1, 2013 at 10:29pm

This may be an appropriate credo for many of us. I hope it touches you as it touched me.

Comment by Michelle H on August 1, 2013 at 9:21pm

Mary, celebrate each small victory!

Comment by Ammy on August 1, 2013 at 10:25am

I just wanted to add a note that a friend wrote:

I just want to add that another way of looking at tears is that they are "drops of love."

They represent the aching and longing for the person that is gone. They are "drops of love" because it is a gift for our body to release them. Holding them in only increases our pain and is a denial of our love. Not for the person who died - but for ourselves. We must care about ourselves in grief. That is what our loved one would want us to do - no doubt about it!

Blessings of love.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 1, 2013 at 10:23am

yesterday was my cousin's b'day-- 60th -- and his wife had organised some get together-- my cousin specifically asked me to come-- i said yes , ok, and then decided that I don't want to go,because there will be so many people and when they look at me, I symbolize every parent's nightmare. I couldn't bear the thought of putting up a smile, cdn't bear that some will say , ok its almost two years and how are you, and now u must move on with ur life and even worse, we feel so bad... well so do I, i feel sick , sick that Micks wont give me a dose of his sardonic humour, tease me about my fears or just call and say ,'I'll be home in half an hour" ..all this will never ever happen again as long as I live, he isn't here on earth!!!!  I have though met someone very special, someone who understands me and someone I would like to be with..as would he.. he is from your country and neither of us ever expected this so its all the more special. I just feel bad and tell him too , I feel as if its either/or.. and I wish it wasn't so...Micks used to keep saying, " Mummy what the hell are you waiting for? Papa got married, and you are waiting forever?" I used to tell him that I just don't want to as I used to feel that when he comes home it would have all changed and he won't look at it as home-- that was my fear and I wouldnt do anything to allow that to happen.. he always said mummy u r wrong-- I have my own life and will be happy if u 'get a life for god's sake' well i had a full life, very many interests, all my time to devote to running a school and enjoying the school kids and having ny own time with my very sweet son... it has all changed... I have met someone a while ago and he is coming here in September, he has suffered too in so many ways and I hope I do justice to this relationship... why did God make it either/or?

Comment by Ammy on August 1, 2013 at 10:19am

Mary & Marilyn, it's okay.  You are feeling exactly as you should be.  Cry if you need to.  I already had a good cry this morning.  It may be the only one today or it may not.  I allow it when I feel it.  I believe it helps us to cry even though we are beside ourselves at the time.

Marilyn, why can't you mention Brandon?  Maybe your son is waiting for you to open up so he can too.

One thing I've learned is that some people dance around us according to our dance.  I hope you know what I mean by that.  Others just don't want to deal with it or us.  It's such a mix of actions or non-actions as if we need more confusion in our lives.  That's why I say to do what feels right for you.

Teresa, you're not crazy, crazy.  Just grief crazy.  I talk to my son and I even visualize being with him, hugging him.  Sometimes it brings comfort and sometimes it makes it worse.  No control on what we are going to feel at any given moment.

This morning I convinced myself that he is coming home.  I don't want to say that's not true because then it won't happen.  Am I crazy?  Maybe it came to me because yesterday I brought up the conspiracy notion I had in the beginning.  We just do what we need to do to survive and anything is acceptable if it helps and is not going to cause harm.  Today I need to feel like he is coming home.

You are all in my prayers for comfort & healing.  And to those that pray, you can pray for me too.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 1, 2013 at 10:09am

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Comment by Michelle H on August 1, 2013 at 10:02am

Marilyn, I'm glad you have this safe place to share what's really going on. I hope your visit ends on a more positive note.

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