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Comment by Grace on August 4, 2013 at 5:35pm

Well... I have had a week of seeing a child who is now an adult with transition issues from school to a sheltered workshop... feeling for the mother then wanting to help...but worried about putting my heart in that place.... yet as my girlfriend said... It is already in that place.  The other folks having Weddings and birthdays... and any type of life "Milestone"... that I may never have had and for sure will not have with my son.  I guess I am feeling OLD too... all these young ones growing up to have birthdays and weddings....all of my kids are grown or dead... and I am never going to repeat having my life all over again... too old for more babies.... Do not want to be old enough for grandchildren.  Heck I am 51 with Night sweats... hot flashes.... and old....

Comment by Shelley on August 4, 2013 at 3:51pm

Omg you guys... I am so sorry I am a wreck. and I took it out on you all, please forgive me. I am going to delete my mess I wrote. again i am so sorry. 

Comment by Grace on August 4, 2013 at 3:34pm

Hello to everyone...including Shelly... I understand the feeling of sometimes writing here to get support and feeling alone and ignored... I have felt it and I am guilty of reading and just trying to remain invisible and not write anything.   Somedays I feel OVERWHELMED by the pain we all are dealing with..... and I sometimes even avoid reading posts because I just can't go there with my own emotions.  I especially feel this way sometimes when dealing with other parents of Living disabled children... helping them and feeling like "I'm not in that fight anymore because my own child is now gone.... And Speaking of BIRTHDAY Cakes... I was just wishing a Happy 24th Birthday to a gal that was regular at Birthday parties and posted a picture of her... while searching the Old Photos... there was my Niles in the picture... never to have his birthday again.... I tear Up and try to click on.... It has been 4 years and about 3 Months....

Yesterday I sang at a wedding where the song was about taking a Slow Sweet walk up the Aisle and giving his daughter away and How it felt like to have her Mom hand her to Dad at birth.... tear up and choke again.... a walk I will never have or a dance or....... so somedays we just read and sit quietly.... Please hang in there Shelly.  And everyone else.... 

Comment by Ammy on August 4, 2013 at 3:20pm

For any of you feeling like you are on this journey of grief alone, you are not.
All of us here know what it's like to cry, we know how it feels to talk to a urn or a tombstone, we know what it's like to ache for just one more minute.....just one more second with our child.......we are in this together.......
When you feel like you just can't get through on your own...reach out.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 4, 2013 at 2:34pm

Shelley, please don't go , its really not that only some talk to certain people, just that sometimes there is a past conversation and we carry it on-- you are loved. I thought so much about what you had written about the cakes and recalled so many things i wanted to say.. then there is pain in saying some things and the need to organise one's thoughts, thats the only reason one may take time not because you are not thought about.. did u read about how i wrote wishing all here? so many times I want to respond to Dawn too and then I feel I need time to do it properly cos its always a heartfelt response-- so hugsss .. we all share your pain.. we are going through the same hellish loss:(

Comment by Ammy on August 4, 2013 at 1:40pm

Shelly, please don't leave.  I see the responses to your post about birthday cakes.  It even reminded me of my son's last birthday.

When I write without specifically responding to someone I always try to say 'Hi to all'.  I'm really sorry if you are feeling left out.  I can understand that.  I feel ignored at times too, but I think each one is focusing more on there own situation sometimes.

I didn't respond specifically to your post, but I always say that we need to do what we feel is right for us.  There is no right or wrong way.

I would not have anything for my son, but if his daughter is with us on that day she always wants to have a cake for her daddy.  I do it for her.  For me I wouldn't.

Living with Grief is just hard.

Comment by Ammy on August 4, 2013 at 12:31pm

Blessings to you all today.  May your day be gentler and kinder.

Speaking of birthdays I have always thought how some things we've done bring us questions of why afterwards.  For me, I always wonder why I made my son's cake that year.  He turned 41 (June 14) and I decided to make a chocolate cake from scratch for him as chocolate was a favorite of his.  I had never made a chocolate cake from scratch.  I remember him eating almost all of that cake himself and then one month later (July 14) he was gone.

Now when I think of that it gives me some comfort because I know I did it out of love and he knew that too.  SIGH........

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 4, 2013 at 6:17am

Thank you all for being  in my life-- happy friendship day to All the lovely people here... sending love , love and love to all.

Comment by Shelley on August 3, 2013 at 1:58pm

My sons 24th birthday is coming in 2 weeks. How many of us buy birthday cakes for their children they have lost? I want to celebrate his birthday but not like this. Not without him.

Comment by Connie K on August 3, 2013 at 12:24pm

Here are the lyrics to the song I just posted in case you can't see and hear it on youtube:

Dancing in the Sky by Dani & Lizzy

What does it look like in heaven
is it peaceful and free like they say
does the sun shine bright forever
have your fears and your pain gone away

cause Here on earth it feels like everything.. good is missing, since you left
here on earth everything is different, there is an emptiness

I hope your dancing in the sky
I hope your singing with the angels choir
I hope the angels, know what they have
I bet it's nice up in heaven since you arrived

Tell me, what do you do up in heaven
are your days filled with love and light
is there music? is there art and invention
tell me are you happy and more alive

cause Here on earth it feels like everything.. good is missing, since you left
here on earth everything is different, there is an emptiness

I hope your dancing in the sky
I hope your singing with the angels choir
I hope the angels, know what they have
I bet it's nice up in heaven since you arrived

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