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Comment by Jane P on August 12, 2013 at 10:18am

Comment by Jane P on August 12, 2013 at 10:13am

I have nowhere to go. I am stuck. My body can't do this anymore. I have tried to help myself but nothing is working. I have lost the strength to try anymore. I can't stop crying. My eyes hurt so much. I look like hell. I feel sick. I am beginning to think about taking "the meds". Will they help with this kind of grief? Do I care anymore? I just want to be with my daughter. She truly was "my life". She was all things good. Kind, gracious, thankful, a beautiful soul. I know she is in good hands. I just want to be with her. There is nothing left here for me. I have no life to return to. She was my life. It's been 8 1/2 months since she left. I have not been able to do anything. I just keep crying. How much longer can I survive like this?

I'm sorry if anything I say makes it worse for any of you. I want you all to heal. I want all of your pain to soften. I want only the best for all of you who have had to endure this extreme pain.

They say there is a reason for everything. What kind of reason is this?

What purpose is served by the loss of our child?

My heart goes out to all of you.

I feel bad for feeling sorry for myself. But I can't seem to stop. What else is there?

I am so sorry for what my daughter had to endure. It was all so very unfair. Life was stolen from her long before she left.

Comment by Teresa D. on August 12, 2013 at 7:34am

Some of Michael's friends keep calling me.  They ask how I am and then they tell me how much they miss him. It warms my heart to know he left such an impact on others.

Yesterday the secretary from his job called, she told me every morning he brought the office to life with his sense of humor and she told me they put up a memorial in his honor in the office. 

Part of me wants to go to the place where he worked.    I don't know what I would say or do there and I'm afraid they will think I'm strange.  I'm not even sure why I'm driven to go there.

 

The only nightmare I had was the one of my daughter being swallowed by the kitchen floor and me waking up screaming, "Get her out"!  The only dream of Michael that I had was 3 months after losing him.  I was standing on a sidewalk when a black car came slowly driving by.  When I looked at the driver it was Michael with a big smile holding up the peace sign. I woke up screaming "I saw Michael"!

 

For mother and son Michael and I were very close. 

 

 

Comment by Grace on August 12, 2013 at 5:50am

it seems as all of us are living in a nightmare..... PEACE for today.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 12, 2013 at 1:27am

Berna, You are in my thoughts.. sending u lots of prayers for strength and that you get the closure required as well as abundance . Love.

Comment by Bern on August 12, 2013 at 1:06am

I asked my son via Text, to pick some pear for me. Little did I know he would not ever be able to pick me some pears again. Lord, Have Mercy on Me. I am fighting for my job and begging the DA to help me find who shot my only son at age 20. (9 months ago ). Please pray for me as I will pray for you too.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 11, 2013 at 11:19pm

Chris, I feel for you, am so sorry that this happened..my son also was the world to me. Jane , I know what this is like-- my son was 27 and even if we were separated due to geography and work related needs, we chatted every two hours or so and stayed connected in our hearts.. it is so difficult as at this time in 2011 he was to come home on 13th of aug n had stayed with me for a wonderful week ... never knew that 3 months alter he just wont be there...Marilyn. Michelle,Grace, Dawn, I'm hoping this next week I won't keep replaying it all again... Chris, again I'm so sorry-- anytime u need to talk please feel free to send a message on just get in touch with anyone here. I know from my own experience that had it not been for so many here, some days would have been most unbearable.. sending prayers and at the same time, keep feeling your daughter's presence and it gives a huge amount of peace and stillness when its done... she will never not be there . love to all here.

Comment by Jane P on August 11, 2013 at 10:26pm

Chris, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are living with. My daughter was 25. She was also my constant companion in every aspect of our lives. I know what you're feeling.........I'm so sorry. It is a very rough road.

Comment by Michelle H on August 11, 2013 at 8:14pm

Chris, I am deeply sorry for the recent loss of your daughter. I hope you find some comfort in this group of caring people.

Comment by Chris M on August 11, 2013 at 8:01pm

I know. My daughter was also my best-my only-friend. We shopped, we ate, went to the movies, took cards to the coffee shop and played Rummy. The nightmares are all while awake.

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