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Comment by Jane P on August 20, 2013 at 6:11pm

Even in sickness (where I've been for the last four days!) I never stopped thinking about my daughter, Danielle. During her seven years of illness she endured many days of sickness. But not once did she ever complain, she never gave up. No matter what they threw at her, she never gave up.

And yet, all I want to do is just that, "give up".

But somehow I know Danielle would be very upset with me.

So I am trying harder to survive this unbearable pain.

I don't want to, I just know I have to because I wasn't given the choice.

Comment by Jane P on August 20, 2013 at 6:02pm

Hello Everyone,

I have only been out of touch since Friday. Today is Tuesday. I am also so sorry to hear we have new bereaved parents.

Anne said it so very well, I need not add anything more.

My heart bleeds for all of us.

Comment by anne on August 20, 2013 at 3:57pm

Dear Vasanthi, trust me banging your head won't work! Lol! I tried that once and all I got was a migraine, and my family looking at me like I had lost it!!! Strength is a good thing, but more important is the courage it takes  to face the loss of a child, and all the awful, rotten stuff that goes along with it. Thank goodness there is a site like this were you don't have to be strong or brave! All of you are the strongest, and most courageous people I have had the honor to share all the things that others can't understand.

Comment by Greg McGee on August 20, 2013 at 2:59pm

all we can really do is be good and hope that there is a heaven were we can be with them again! for now my dreams are the only place I can hold him I hate waking up from those dreams:(

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 20, 2013 at 2:27pm

its 2 years today.. I can't believe how time flies and how time hangs.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 20, 2013 at 2:26pm

Today was the last day I saw my son 'alive'... tried to sleep but woke up again in abt 20 mins after a lot of tossing and turning...when i cry its fitful.. the tears either should flow or not come-- i,m hanging somewhere in bn... will just watch tv i suppose--mindlessly...

Teresa,I know what u mean.. people tell me that too that how rt from the begining, I was so strong etc.. I've stopped thinking about it--i just can't please everyone anyway..maybe if i wept and banged my head there would be more understanding..

Comment by Connie K on August 19, 2013 at 5:42pm

Hugs to you too Michele. :)

Comment by Teresa D. on August 19, 2013 at 5:35pm

Ammy, just today someone I just met today told me how strong I look and how I seem to be handling my loss with such strength.  I wanted to scream " YOU'RE WRONG!"  and this is the first lines of the song you posted.  Why do some need to see us crumble to acknowledge our pain?  Every single morning since Michael went to heaven I have woken up with tears.  Every morning I have to wake up and know Michael is not going to be apart of that day. 

I have not had to comfort my daughter.  Instead she is trying soo hard to fill my void.  I had to tell her I appreciate everything but that she couldn't be Michael and that nothing will ever replace him. 

I worry more about her thinking I don't love her as much as Michael.

Comment by Ammy on August 19, 2013 at 1:49pm

Blessings to all of you.  Still a little off today.

A friend on FB posted a song.  I didn't care for the music and singing so much, but will post the lyrics.  It's called ' Acknowledge Grief' and I know some of us have had others distant themselves from us because we have taken too long with our grieving.  :(

Maybe you thought
I'd be okay 'cause I'm strong
Well, you're wrong
Maybe you think 
All of these tears are taking too long
But you're wrong
If you could just acknowledge
That I am in pain
If you could take a minute and pray
If you could lend an ear
So I could voice my tears
If you would be okay that I'll never be the same
Maybe you thought
Avoiding me would be the best
But you're wrong
Maybe you thought
You had all the answers to this test
But you're wrong
'Cause all I need is
For you to just acknowledge
That I am in pain
For you to take a minute and pray
If you could lend an ear
So I could voice my tears
If you would be okay that I will never be the same
You might look away
But I am still here in grief
Even if you choose not to see
Even if you choose not to weep with those who weep
These few who remain I will forever keep
If you could just acknowledge
That I am in pain
If you could take a minute and pray for me, please pray
If you could lend an ear
So I could voice my tears
If you would be okay that I'll never be the same
I know life goes on, but my song has changed
Copyright © 2013 by Ari-Amber Berteaux Messer

The website is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGdnPAcki4E

Comment by Michelle H on August 19, 2013 at 12:59pm

Jane, how are you doing? I didn't mean to omit you below.  :-)

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