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Comment by Michelle H on August 21, 2013 at 1:57pm

Marilyn, I love the beautiful insight that Brandon gave you regarding crying! That he told you not to cry for HIM, but that it's OK to cry for yourself. That brings comfort knowing that while HE is OK (and our kids, too), he understands that right now, you're (we're) not. How blessed to have been given that message from your precious son...and how blessed the rest of us are to benefit from it, too. Thank you, Brandon!

Comment by Connie K on August 21, 2013 at 11:45am

Hi Anne
I am so sorry for your loss of your 2 sons. How heartbreaking. It has been almost 9 months since I lost my only child. I just want you to know that I care. I feel like that's all we really have in this life that is real - our love and understanding for others. And I too (I'm sure like everyone) struggle with trying to find some way out of the constant pain and grief. Your post sounds so familiar. I feel that way about myself as well. And I have tried so hard to have a lighter spirit and stop railing against God. Isn't funny how we know death is a part of life but it is the hardest thing to actually put into perspective and accept. Many days I feel I am just filling time, waiting to die. I want to fill these days with SOMETHING of meaning, of service. SOMETHING that will let my heart be kind and free again. Something my son would be proud of. Music is my gift and it is hard to sing again but I realize that is how I have to reach out to others and that is what I have to give to help myself and others heal. When I sing I feel my son with me. Altho is does seem like we are hamsters on a wheel, we are actually all moving forward because we are dealing with the grief and feelings by expressing them to everyone here. Thank goodness I have all of you. Thank you for your honest and inspiring post. I know God's plan for you will bring love back into your heart through those children whose lives you will be touching and your boys will be with you all the while. Sending prayers and peace to everyone today

Comment by Connie K on August 21, 2013 at 11:43am

Hello everyone, Words cannot describe how heartsick I feel for everyone. Vasanthi _ I have been thinking of you and wishing you strength and getting throughout the milestone. Marilyn I understand your fears and those moments when you just can't accept that he is gone. NOOOOOOOO is right! Vasanthi said it just right. I hope everyone finds some peace today. ((( )))

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 21, 2013 at 11:12am

Marilyn,

I pray that the angels hold you close and keep you free from pain.. you are loved and you have touched so many lives.. so that is why god needs you here.. to help others some more--like Jane says, you are not alone..love xoxoxox 

Comment by Jane P on August 21, 2013 at 10:40am

Dear Marilyn

Our really bad days are so much more difficult than our regular bad days. But somehow tomorrow just keeps coming. And we do it all over again.

Crying our tears of love is all that we can do.

We hold you in our arms today.

Please know you are not alone.

xxoo

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 21, 2013 at 10:07am

When I cry, somehow I feel more connected to my son-- why is that I wonder.. I am trying to connect through joy too which he so abundantly and without stinting gave..

Comment by Ammy on August 21, 2013 at 9:56am

Marilyn, you are right.  We cry for ourselves most of the time, but we also cry for our children when we think of what they have lost and will never experience.  It's just normal.  Sending you hugs of comfort.

Comment by Greg McGee on August 21, 2013 at 6:53am

exactly it's the people that either never been through it or never had children are the worst they tell move on get over it put you're big boy pants on exc...almost 7 years now not as bad but far from over it...don't get me wrong I'm glad they don't understand it if they did it would mean they have been through it.. and I wouldn't wish this hell on anyone!

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 21, 2013 at 6:26am

Teresa, good for you..I'm sure the new job will be better n whats needed for you... Please do share and while working many times we feel disconnected with our children-- i used to go and cry in the washroom every 2 hours or so...now I am at home because of some changes in my personal life , but when i do goout more than a couple of hours a kind of build up starts n i feel very very weepy.. crying helps at that time.love n all the best to you.

Comment by Teresa D. on August 21, 2013 at 6:18am

Started anew job this week.  In april I was fired because I told the boss I couldn't be the mule anymore because I needed counseling and he fired me.  It's ok, I saw it as god opening a new direction for me.

So many have said to me, "Michael would not want you to cry"  Why do others think our children wouldn't want us to cry as we grieve?  Why do they think we can just step over losing our children.  I can't!!!!  This is why I'm so glad I can come here with everyone. 

I can tell you I'm crying, I can tell you what I'm experiencing, I can tell you my inner thoughts and I can see I'm not alone. 

I'm sorry everyone of you is here but I'm also grateful that your here.

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