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Comment by Angel on August 25, 2013 at 11:37am

Not exactly Marilyn...I actually can leave the room...and then an hour later have no clue as to what was discussed or who was even there..It happened the night my daughter passed..when the police called...I can still 16 years later see myself on the other side of the room....talking on the phone...when it hurts too bad....I leave...I can be and have been physically talking to someone and have no recollection of the conversation..if I'm dissociated......did this help? I think you are talking about  detaching...

Comment by Angel on August 25, 2013 at 9:30am

Good morning....I haven't been around in awhile...suffering with my daughter's death and my husband's who passed on her birthday almost 3 years ago...Tomorrow is my daughter's 16 anniversary of her death ..she was 21 ..married...almost finished college and ready to have babies...and she was taken in a second...she was not viewable...so none of us ever got closure...I still watch her sisters grieve...I have her in a place in my heart that I can live with....It does happen eventually.....but you no one can always contain it...at least I can't not even after 16 years.....I have cried the last 3 mornings...will go to the cemetary tomorrow and I know once I sit and talk to her ..I will feel better....until...her birthday and my late husband's anniversary come up again on the same day..it will be 3 years this year..last year it was hard..the first year I dissociated....hoping and praying for every parent who has lost a child to at least find peace...I think that's all we will ever get out of this horror......God bless...Angel

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 25, 2013 at 9:20am

Mary, it will go well, Gary is with you..hugs.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 25, 2013 at 8:43am

Teresa.... i have the same problem-- call it denial or reality who knows whats real... yesterday i had to go quite far n had met a friend and her friend came into the house when we were speaking of Shreyas.. He said , " first of all let me tell you how sorry I am about your son"... I looked at him and nodded because what can i say, "it's ok?"... then I thought ,' Don't be sorry.. he is always fine... I simply cant think of Shreyas as anything but vibrantly alive.. ', in fact I feel sorry for people who think of those who have passed on as 'dead'.Imagine one sentence and i think for hours on it! again when people ask me( apart from very close ones) ,'how are you?' , I never know how to respond.. should I go into a diatribe about how exactly I am? or should I say ,'fine' and feel like a liar?... oh god -- i wish us all peace that passeth all understanding because we are all dealing with things that passeth all understanding..so that's the least god can do for us.

Comment by Teresa D. on August 25, 2013 at 7:55am

I hit a hump yesterday. I was asked to write a short bio to introduce myself in the newsletter at the new job.  Okay, not a problem.  So I thought. 

Because I have always worked with families I always include a line or two about being a parent and about my own kids.

Well......I just didn't know how to write it yesterday. 

I am and always will be the proud parent of 2. 

In conversation I have hit this hump too. 

I have always spoke of my kids and I will continue to.

But just like the day with my new neighbor.  I was speaking of my kids as I always did and when she asked me how old they were I said Zenia is 25 and Michael would have been 30.  With that she excused herself from the conversation. 

Do I use past tense or present tense?

Do I just exclude it?

I need to find a new way of including them without it reading, "one is dead". 

Comment by Teresa D. on August 24, 2013 at 7:44am

Dawn...all I can say is HUGS to you and your husband.  I know that was hard for the two of you but I also know it was something both of you needed to do.

Comment by Teresa D. on August 23, 2013 at 10:44am

Geraldine...HUGS

Comment by Jane P on August 23, 2013 at 9:57am

Good Morning Everyone

xxoo

You are not alone..................

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 23, 2013 at 9:08am

Geraldine, how nice to get the dream.. anything even a little small glimpse is such a blessing.. i yearn for that...when i first got the news on the phone, i thought.." God U made a horrible mistake, reverse it please-- it cant be-- he is such a good boy, did u make a mistake as people say God doesn't make a mistake, but if you have reverse it pleaseeee"... its all like something burnt me --my heart n body was burning.... i wonder often where is he NOW... how when all his life we spoke every day , right from the time of conception, why this silence now... /i tell him sometimes,' don't be so mean, you know without you , the world isn't the same.....' he comes in my dreams too... love to you all here ... i admire Anne, who having lost 2 sons is reaching out to others-- hats off Anne.. will do the same and make my life one which will be of use to others-- that is the medicine needed now.. Jane, Connie, Marilyn,Michelle, Teresa... and all whom i havent named as there are so many wonderful people who are suffering so much.. my heart goes out to you all and i feel and wish that everyday gets a bit lighter than the previous one-- our children are with us... love to them and all of you.

Comment by Geraldine Pieterse on August 22, 2013 at 6:52pm

I dreamt about my son last night but throughout the dream I kept on thinking thank God you are back but then I woke up

 

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