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Comment by Vasanthi S on August 30, 2013 at 2:31pm

Judy,

Heartfelt love to you.. I lost my only son too in a road accident in Dubai-- he was returning back from lunch and they were 6 of them in the suv.. which skidded n turned turtle abt 3, 4 times. His friend was driving--another senior colleague of my son also died on the spot-- what i can say is that I am sure Matthew knows of your love and all that can be done is cling firmly to that and go within , deep where u will find a well of peace.. that peace will show u how ur son is always with u...the handful of us here also try to reach out to others in any small way everyday--it helps enormously but first just focus on feeling ur son and his love and u will know that god steps in at these great times of distress.. its mind boggling and i am so sorry again-- pls msg whenever u want-- love to you.. i write as I think so pls dont get offended in case anything i say feel weird.. just trying my best..love. 

Comment by Judy Edwards on August 30, 2013 at 1:44pm

Hi to all who have respond to me.  My name Judy Edwards and I'm coming up on my son forth month to be  gone, to day I'm grieving so much that I could remember the name we did to honor my son last wishes .  i had to call my partner and ask him what the name was we cremated Matthew that what he wanted,  He told me a year ago he was  afraid of waking up in a coffin and not being able to get out.  I've never knew you could miss a person my only child so much that i to want to pass so i can see him again..  I'm hurting so bad that I cry all the time.  I'm mad and get mad so much faster than I ever have.  I want my son back and I know it not possible.  I got mad at him the other day and on a ride back from another town than I live in I bitched him out for leaving us and not allowing us to say bye .  I was at the hospital when they pronounce him dead but he was in a coma when he was brought in and never regained conciseness.  So I feel we were

cheated out of saying how much we loved him and how much he'd be missed.  I not handling his loss good at all.  So anyone who gone through thiss prosess please pass on tips I am in great need of then'  

Thank you Judy Edwards 

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 30, 2013 at 2:16am

May we all be a beacon of hope, sustenance and inspiration to all o...

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on August 30, 2013 at 1:11am

Been reading all your posts. Heart goes out to us all. I have no other words. Just know I understand. Miss my son so much. He was my life.

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 29, 2013 at 9:23am

Oh Dawn.. this is so difficult and terrible.... am sure Stephen would not have known any of it. The car my son was in also rolled about 3 to 4 times and his death cert said " crack in the skull"... imagine , its all so very painful...yet he appeared to be fast asleep and there was a hint of a smile on his face-- there were no other marks or bruises on him but when i bent down to kiss his cheek, i saw blood in the nostrils-- his face will forever be etched in my mind till the day I die. How i wanted to cradle him in my arms rt there, but did not have the courage, cos I knew that if I feel some kind of bump or hollow at the back of his head that imprint on my hand would burn me forever n ever more.. I regret my cowardice that i didn't dare to cradle his head .. all i could do was bend n kiss both his cheeks n whisper that I love him:( ooo god my heart goes out to you... along with all other certificates when i see the death certificate its like being kicked hard in the gut:(... they told me it was instantaneous.. i pray it was...

Comment by Teresa D. on August 29, 2013 at 6:42am

Marilyn my new job is assisting students with developmental disabilities.  Everyday I will think of Bradon.  Your last post will stay with me as advice.

Thank you to all for trying to help me deal with the one year mark.  I just don't want it to come.

Michelle, just recently my daughter's friend lost his sister and two of her children.  They were crossing the street when a car racing hit them.

I cried and prayed for them because I knew the pain I felt was even greater for this family. 

Every time I hear of another family I think of those first few months and how hard they were.  Feeling physically sick, forgetting the smallest things, overwhelming sense of fear, numb to the world, etc.  I look back to the first few months and realize I was not present in my own body.  To think of someone else experiencing this is just sad.

Things are still difficult but not as bad as those first few months. 

As I'm sitting here George Zimmerman's wife was interviewed.  This is the very first time I heard anyone from the Zimmerman's apologize to Trayvon's parents.  Hopefully one day George himself will realize what he took from that family. 

Mary I went through the same thing.  I didn't want to be around groups of people.  I couldn't handle their happiness.  Two of my dearest friends right after I lost my Michael had baby showers for their daughters.  Both asked me to make the umbrella's.  Each one was made with tears.  I attended but stood off to the side because I couldn't handle seeing them get what I will never have.  Because they are my good friends they understood and left me alone in my little corner. 

Yes I just have a bunch of rambling thoughts today.    

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 28, 2013 at 1:15pm

Comment by Michelle H on August 28, 2013 at 1:10pm

vasanthi, I was lucky when I married Bill that he was a widower because he can understand what grief does to a person. He is generally very supportive, thank the good Lord. I, too, have been sick, fighting a summer cold, with sore throat and cough. I managed to lock my keys in the car the other day and had to pay to get it unlocked. My brain just isn't functioning the way it used to. I get easily distracted even when I think I'm "with it."

Recently on the news, I heard of two children drowning within days of each other: a six year old boy, and yesterday, an eight year old girl. I can only imagine the parents' grief.

Mary, taking care of yourself is, I hope, your first priority. It might normally be easier to deal with your cousin, but you're dealing with a lot of feelings. Only you will know if it's the right thing for you, or if you're doing it to please someone else. Sometimes we "people pleasers" have to set limits for our own well-being, and that's not being selfish.

You all are so dear! Though we may never meet in this lifetime, you are special and precious to me. You are my lifeline! Prayers and hugs to everyone!

Comment by Vasanthi S on August 28, 2013 at 12:41pm

just to say thinking of all here.. was down with some stomach infection, so an upset tummy with slight fever and a headache hasn't made for any kind of peace the last 2 days--missed my son too much , keep crying in bn ..at all odd times, and so many more things to deal with :(... i read everything here in between and can really say how much my heart goes to all here --we r struggling so much with a new reality-- new and undesirable and so against the norm... 

Michelle.. i know when the man isnt the biological father his issues wont relly have much to do with our baby.. its difficult but the world isnt really perfect-- just kind of thank god for having supportive ones around even if at times they don't appear supportive-- easy to say i know.. so difficult ...Dawn Opfer....hope for lots of love for you with your family and to all others here too...love and peace in our daily lives... Thanks Teresa and hope slowly we can all feel more peace with each passing day-- Mary... i know how difficult it is to just extend of ourselves right now-- i can understand so well-- u must be screaming inside... maybe just say , i'm sorry imnot fit rt now for anything and let someone more happier do it-- later it can all be done ... u r in my prayers,

Marilyn, what a lovely owl..mmm...imagine it saved u all -- who knows isnt it? ... wherever our children are i desperately hope that alls ok... what if he needs me?:( 

Comment by Michelle H on August 28, 2013 at 12:29pm

Teresa, I sure can understand the dread you feel with the coming of September. I am already dreading Thanksgiving this year...and November 22, despite it's the day my husband retires...because Thanksgiving (11-22) was the last time I got to see my son Chris before he died in March. And as I type the word "died," it seems impossible that I use that word about my son!

I got something in an e-mail from a friend today that I haven't yet looked at but the e-mail mentioned Fred Astaire being in it and, despite being a young man, Fred Astaire was always my son's favorite actor, even when Chris was a teenager. My initial thought was, "Oh, I'll watch it and then forward it to Chris," only to have my breath taken away when I realized immediately that Chris is no longer around to forward it to.

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