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Comment by Connie K on April 21, 2016 at 3:09am

All so hurtful and it's such a tough path we all walk....

Comment by Patty on April 20, 2016 at 8:08pm

Jill, I agree.  Wholeness is not an option.  How can it be when half your heart and soul is gone.  I found it terribly upsetting when multiple people asked me right after my daughter's accident why we hadn't had more children.  Did they truly think more children would have been "spares" for us?  Why would anyone say such a thing?  And multiple people?  It seems like the height of insensitivity.

Comment by Jill E on April 20, 2016 at 4:53pm

Another damn dumb statement from one of the few friends I have left. "Jill, we have to make you whole again". Really? really?and she use to be a psych nurse. I explained as I have so many times before including to my husband...I will never be whole again. WYWH My Beloved Joshie

Comment by Patty on April 20, 2016 at 12:10pm

Oh, and my brother in law said that as a Christian I shouldn't be grieving so much.  He said that if you have faith you shouldn't grieve so badly.  My sister (not his wife) told him to stop, that he was not be helpful and to never say that to a grieving person.  Luckily, this was not said in front of me or I would have completely lost it.  Also, he told me a couple of months after my daughter's accident that she wouldn't want me to be so upset.  Two months!  I'm just venting.  People can be so thoughtless.  Thanks for listening.

Comment by Patty on April 20, 2016 at 11:49am

People not speaking her name.  It kills me.  Then if I do people are awkward.  I NEED to talk about my baby.  People forget that my baby, even at age 20 when she was taken, is as important as their baby.  I only have a couple of friends that are even close to getting it.  But they haven't lost a child so they don't really get it. They just do the best they can as friends.  I have had so many people act like they don't see me.  It's like I have become invisible.  Or my brother in law comparing the loss of his 90 something year old father to the loss of my child.  The difference is the difference of infinity.  Everything I do my mind is on my Caitlin.  I don't know how it is possible to still be alive after almost 6 years in this much pain.  I KNOW I will be with her again.  It's the only thing that keeps me alive.  But I miss her so much.  When she went she took the light with her.  I feel the pain all of you are in.  I know you understand.  All of you.  

Comment by Connie K on April 20, 2016 at 11:13am

Teresa - I feel the same. You inspire me to keep doing this things in Daniel's memory.

Jill i am sorry the woman hurt you. That seems so weird that she didn't say it before. Who knows the reasons that could be associated with her loss. I think I would have told her that I need to talk about it because my son deserves to be remembered and spoken of and it's hurts worse NOT to mention him . This is our life now! . Don't let her make you feel bad just because you may feel differently than she does. And you're so right.  we have a need to be understood and comforted.

dealing with this stupid right arm being broken, taking the pain meds - it accentuates the grief. i have no job and i cant play guitar. and my son had 4 broken arms before he was diagnosed with crohns disease. he wasn't absorbing his minerals properly because of the crohn's. it made his bones weak. i just feel the pain and weariness he did. but he was brave. i am not. not anymore. i can't even focus on getting a job. i feel like i failed Daniel and myself. right now arguing with my husband because i just want him to understand that i am not functioning as well as he is and i am weepy and a pain in the ass i'm sure. we grieve differently but he still carries the same burden. altho, i feel there is a stronger connection between mother and child. physical connection and physical memories of birth. i will post an recent article on that soon. just having such a hard time. i can't stop thinking of the night he died - the coroner and cops coming to the door. the "I'm sorry he didn't make it...." I can't stop crying and it scares me. So so tired of feeling this way.

I love you all and thank you for listening to my venting

Comment by Jill E on April 20, 2016 at 10:10am

The wisdom, the kindness, the sadness, the love shown comforts me from all of you. When I can't express myself quite right in words you all understand. Without words. Love to all as we love our children.

Comment by Nicki Francisco on April 20, 2016 at 9:39am

Jill as u know I lost luv of my life "Ilir" honour student of York university, no one knows how hard it's except ourselves, u r right in every single angle, that hurts me so much when peoples comments us n they say everything will be fine:(( my question is how could be the same when I lost my future, the only precious son I was living in this world, how my life would be the same:(( I send you my love and hugs but this luv is from a desperate mother with a bowl of soup made of  tears /luv u Jill  <3

Comment by Teresa D. on April 20, 2016 at 5:57am

I'd also like to crawl on that lap, I just want to be held while I have the biggest cry of my life.  I'm tired of everyone trying to stop my tears.  I WANT TO CRY DAMN IT! It helps release the pain.

Comment by Jill E on April 19, 2016 at 10:21pm

Ya know I said this so many times before but you need to know how much you all mean to me. You are my family. I can say and tell you all things that no one else understands. We listen, we don't judge we just love and care for each other here. Thank you for giving me this safe place. I do not know seriously how I would make it without you. I wish I could just crawl up into someone's lap and be held and hugged and told that everything will be ok but it will never be ok. Send you all a very special hug from me.

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