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Comment by Teresa D. on September 16, 2013 at 9:44pm

I know I bare my soul here.  I read and I cry with many of you.  Lately I'm emotionally going through it.  I start my day right here.  If there was an "agree" button I'd hit it everyday. It's nice to know you do know how I feel.  You understand my roller coaster emotions. Right now I'm not ready to tell my mom how upset she is making me but I can say it here.  I've been struggling with how to handle my cousins situation with the support of everyone. You guys get the date thing.  Marilyn I know your atruggling but just know I live the way you describe your journeys.

Connie thank you for letting me know it's ok to be "selfish" if that is what we are. 

Vasthani I too expeience an overwhelming sense of fear.  I don't know why when the worst has happened.  I don't know what it is I'm so afraid of these days.

Connie, Dick, Grace Mary and anyone else I'm not metioning you are all important to me and you are all apart of my healing.

 

Just to let you know I decided to go to the viewing and not the funeral. I can stay in the back and lean on a friend and if it gets to much for me I can slip out the door. I want to be there for Jessy but I need to take care of me too.  Since Saturday I have been an emotional mess so this could change.  

Comment by anne on September 16, 2013 at 9:33pm

I too feel like we are all friends. The things I post, and blog on here I could never say to anyone else. This is the place to find listening ears, and open hearts.

Comment by anne on September 16, 2013 at 8:47pm

None of you ever have to shut up on here. That's what this site is for. We all need eachother. We need to share with eachother, and comfort one another. Only we know how to do that. Unless one walks in our shoes they cant possibly know our pain, and sadness. So there's no such thing as shutting up on here. the things we write on here not only help ourselves, but they show others that they are not alone, and that they are safe here to say whatever needs to be said.

Comment by Michelle H on September 16, 2013 at 8:33pm

Adrianne, sometimes it is harder to post. I'm so glad we're not all in the same  place at the same time. We can build one another up when others are having an especially hard time and we can lean on one another when we need more support. I so "look forward" (although that may sound odd) to reading posts here frequently throughout the day because I feel less alone when there is a new post from a familiar (or even unfamiliar) name. It's like connecting with a special friend and I miss it when there's nothing new to read.

Comment by anne on September 16, 2013 at 8:28pm

Dear Marilyn, Brandon is never far from you. Most men have too hard a time talking about this stuff. My husband is. I understand now, but it took awhile to understand why it was so hard for him to talk about it. Men think they have to be the strong one's, so every once in a while I can catch him at  a tender moment and get him to talk to me. I try to let him open the door to talks about our sons. I try to get the ugly stuff out in a blog to spare him from feeling helpless to me. You can always write to us. I know I will listen. I want to listen to you, and anyone else who needs a shoulder. It also helps me to feel like I'm not alone. Peace to you.

Comment by Grace on September 16, 2013 at 8:16pm

yeah.... I too read and many time respond less... and some days, I can not even read every posts.... seems like too many.... too sad...  so many things happening with my Mom..... overwhelming

 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on September 16, 2013 at 2:14am

I have been reading. Used to post often. Now it's harder. Does anyone else feel that way? Noticed so many of us missing. Maybe we have used up all our words. God I just want him back.

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 15, 2013 at 10:14pm

Ditto-hate leaving the safe zone--yestr was a nerve racking taxi ride to a suburb in Mumbai- my body kept stiffening and the cab driver was acting like he is doing us a favor bu ferrying us... finally i told him please don't go fast and keep some distance b/n the vehicles.. i also told him we have been in a car accident and get nervous.. the idiot kept on as b4.. when i reached the hotel room i felt much better,,, Craig's presence DOES help.. he is calm and quiet and when i get agitated doesn't say much but just touches me .. either holds my hand or just keeps his hand on me... When I am alone i am loathe to leave my home-- thats where Micks and me spent our time .. when we got back for hols or earlier when he was about 18... its all familiar--his room, his clothes, I haven't changed a thing in that house-- its there that I feel he is around me and I keep talking to him...Connie, I also sometimes obsessively bring up the 'topic' and keep talking about him..my mother often tries to change the subject and I seethe with rage-- I ask , why should i stop talking? what unmentionable thing did he do? y is  everyone treating him like some criminal?....that 'secure' feeling will take a while looks like...2day we head to a hillstation-- away from this mad city... and will be there till Friday--If you don't see any messages, its cos of the net connectivity there.. remember all of you my dearest dearest friends--I am always thinking of all here--individually ... and am always with you and draw so much strength from you...Whenever I can I will message-- love and will keep u all close to me.

Comment by Connie K on September 15, 2013 at 3:58pm

I know hw you all feel. We want everyone to REMEMBER our kid and love them as much as we do. There are very few family members who really bring Daniel up unless I di then they will talk. But They don't get it. They can't.Everyone just deals with death in their own way. Teresa you are not selfish you just want their love, their concern. I get so tired of "pretending" the day is fine, that I'm doing okay, etc. I just wish people could acknowledge my pain and at least say "How are you ? Do you feel like talking about Daniel?, but instead say nothing and go on and on about petty problems of their day. Maybe that's selfish but oh well, it's how I feel.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 15, 2013 at 8:29am

Yesterday was one year since Michael left.  It was a pretty hard day for me.  I guess my mom is so caught up in what is going on with Jessy she forgot about me.  As she is sitting there listening to my Aunt cry over her grandson did she not remember her own grandson?  I keep looking for comfort from her and I keep getting NOTHING!  My oldest sister is taking on her role.  She called to check on me.  Why won't my mother acknowledge my pain. 

I'm sorry I'm being very selfish right now.  

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