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Comment by Vasanthi S on September 30, 2013 at 7:44am

Comment by Teresa D. on September 30, 2013 at 6:21am

I* was away last week.  I needed to get away with ever5ything that has happened.  Michael's one year mark and then my cousin involved int he murder suicide.  I needed to breathe alone. 

I came back to my daughter telling me she is coming home.  I was shocked by this because she loves to travel and try new cultures.  I couldn't understand why the turn around until she told me this.....

She read my posts on here. She said she can't stay away knowing her mom is so sad.  She was bored so she started googling names and when she did mine this site came up and she could read the posts. 

I considered this my private place.  A place I could come and tell me inner thoughts.  Of course I'm sad that she leaves now that Michael is gone but at the same time I don't want her to give up her dreams to come and sit by her mom who is grieving.  She can't replace Michael.  I am going to try and talk to her today now that I know why she has been so sad and why she wants to come home.

I love that she loves me that much but at the same time I don't want to be responsibole for her not living her life.

How can I stop my posts from appearing when someone googles my name.  I guess I have to remove my last name to prevent further posts from coming up that way.

I have to get to work.  I need to catch up with everyone and I want to share my experience with everyone.  Also Jessy, my cousin, wants to come this weekend.  I tyhink she thinks I have answers for her, but you all know I don't.

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 9:49pm

Marilyn, what are the names of the two books suggested to you? I would like to read them too. I got one on after death communication suggested on this site and all of Brian Weiss and others. It all reiterates that the leaving of the body is not THE END. Selfishly I wish that ok its not the end but is it the end here for those who leave and is there another kind of amnesia after that, like we don't remember anything when we are born so too when we die do we forget it all? I hope not and i feel not because otherwise we would not have received the 'contacts' made.

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 9:45pm

Anne, you are one of the most inspiring people here. I am so glad you shared. It feels like we keep in touch with every post from all here. I know that prayers will not go answered so I am sure that you will feel the love Ben has for you and the contact and connection throughout your life in many small and big ways. I pray that we all can connect with our darlings through the joy we have been recipients of. 

Comment by anne on September 29, 2013 at 9:06pm

I am at the beginning of my month of anniversaries. I pray every night that this year will be different. That this year I will spend more time being grateful, and less time feeling sad. I never know how it all will go. I always brace myself, and think of how I'd like it to be, but I will accept whatever comes. I'm just too tired to fight this year, so I will just go with the flow. I bought a new phone yesterday. It has a slide show feature. I watched all 300 pictures. There it was. My last picture of my Ben in his brand new Army blues. The only time I saw him in the new uniform in person was the day I buried him. I didn't cry. I just looked at him and smiled!

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 1:17pm

I hope Dawn is having an ok time with her husband and in laws... Teresa, Jane,Berna, Anne, Michelle, Mary, Dawn  how are you all? please take care of yourselves.

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 1:11pm

Oh Marilyn, I am sure they know each other and are helping us in their own special way... it feels crackpot like to talk like this but thats how I feel.. I can imagine how you felt Marilyn..its bad enough recounting it to oneperson, imagine going through it again and again:( A professor of Mick's from his college heard about it yesterday and kept telling me how numb he felt. I ended up consoling him and I also felt drained after that, so I can imagine how you felt. Now take quiet time and just feel the strength of the love that Brandon has for you and you will soon smile.

Connie, my thoughts are with you and I think of all here who are struggling with so much and have to deal with so much and I feel the hurt and confusion this throws up and I pray that God , You are Almighty, I am no one to say Give strength and all but please please please shower your grace God otherwise we might as well lie down and die too.

Comment by Connie K on September 29, 2013 at 12:59pm

Vasanthi

 You give me hope. I feel the same as everything you said. I feel like others can express how I feel better than I can! This horrible grief we bear does come with it's learning experience, as it is supposed to. It is awesome when you get to the point of feeling the love of Spirit is REAL. We can't see it but yet we can in the faces of others we love. I am so happy you have found someone to share your life with and as good friend said who lost her husband a few years back,"we can still love with a broken heart." God sent you someone to help your heart stay open so you can receive those beautiful gifts from your son. I know they are watching over us. Otherwise I couldn't go on. Have a good day and try to keep that feeling you had when you heard about the dream, alive. OX

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 12:19pm

Where is everyone?:(

Comment by Vasanthi S on September 29, 2013 at 2:36am

Connie,

yes the sudden lightening of the heart when I heard about the dream, his friend's pottering about the house, I felt a sudden realization dawn that this is a definite communication and one of the best kind which is so soothing, it gave me so much of hope and I felt a strong love knowing he is being protective...lots happening now which I wouldn't have even dreamt of a year ago-- I had resigned myself to being alive since I breathe. and had resolved that in some way I should be of use to people here and not a burden, and when my time comes,I will escape with a sigh of relief ... Craig coming into my life has been an act of grace. Since i got divorced in 1998 I gave no thought to remarriage as I had to strive and see that my son and me were fine in all ways, emotionally as well as financially.. it all went so beautifully as I was blessed with an exceptionally kind, bright and good boy. ?the last 4 years before Micks passing , I used to thank god fervently for so much of grace shown to me.Then in 2011 Dec my world collapsed... now again I am amazed that I do look forward to being with another kind and loving soul.. the relationship is of course different but not different in essence. Craig being very sensitive, I feel protective and there seems to be a purpose , that I again have to care for and love another human being. I had asked that my life be of use and I am given an opportunity for that. So I thank God for keeping me fit to serve. It is through that , that I hope for deliverance. All my love to my dearest friends here.. you all mean so much to me and give me so much of strength.

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