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Comment by Judy Edwards on October 6, 2013 at 12:30pm

Lynn you a few months behind me I lost mine on May 1st at 12:20pm

I crawl up in a ball and cry every first of the month.  I can't get out of bed I'm Paralyzed.  Then for me for about two weeks I go numb.  Then I carry on and get things done.  My partner told today one days I'll be able to handle Matthew's passing.  I told straight up no I won't.

Maybe I will but I'm in the stage of denial I think.  Matthew was 32 years old and I see him as a child right now in my memory's.  So honey I'm lost in the middle of the grieving stages and I can't tell which one.  I hope this help knowing there other who are going thru what you are.  So I believe together somehow some one will make your day a little are trying to get thru the pain  Judy E.  

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 6, 2013 at 9:37am

Your son looks so happy and loved in this picture Dolly.  Teresa thank you for the hugs.   

Comment by Teresa D. on October 6, 2013 at 7:57am

Vasanthi, that's what I do when I'm alone in the car and need to keep the tears at bay.  I ask Michael and God to hold my hands.  I even go as far to put my hand on the seat. 

Lynn, the only way to make it down this road is one minute at a time.  My heart is wrapped around you right now.

Dolly there's that beautiful smile again.  The other day I went to visit an Arc site and thought about Brandon all the way through.  It's like everyone's kid is becoming mine.

My daughter waited for me to leave the house and took the Jerseys.  I thought I was going to die.  She left 4 of them in my closet, once she let me know this I was ok.  I know the quilt is a great idea but it was about me being able to let go of those jerseys.  Once it is done I will be able to wrap myself with Michael. 

My cousin Jessy is suppose to come over today.  Not real sure how I'll handle the visit.  But to this point I seem to be able to put myself aside to listen to her.  I have a feeling today will be filled with tears and since I'm already crying I doubt I'm wrong.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 5, 2013 at 10:45am

Your comment brought hopeful tears to my eyes Vasanthi thank you

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 5, 2013 at 10:20am

Lynn,

Put one hand in god's and hold on to your daughter with the other hand... I do such things and have felt the love and protection... I don't know if this will help:( I feel so bad that apart from sending you love and healing , nothing much can really be done..love to you.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 5, 2013 at 10:02am

I had a rough night couldn't sleep and then had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.  Its gray outside here in Vermont.  Today is eight weeks that she is gone.  I feel so empty a lot of the day. How do you get through this.  

Comment by Teresa D. on October 5, 2013 at 9:08am

Dolly (wink wink) I too am having an issue with Michael's things.  Michael was known for his Team Jerseys.  I have them hanging in the closet. My daughter came up with the idea of having a quilt made out of them.  I thought that is great!  Instead of them being in a closet I can wrap myself in them.  Well it was a great idea until she went to take them.  I broke down.  I laid them out on my bed, fell into them and cried.  I had to explain to her that this is a process.  I left the room and she quickly put them back.  I went in the room and quickly took them back out and put them on the bed.  I know she put them away because she saw how sad it made me but this is something I have to do.  I'm going to keep one for myself and let her get a quilt made out of the rest.  But I have to do this slowly.  Today they will lay across my bed until I am able to let go.

Lynn it's ok we do what we need to do.  I kept the last piece of paper Michael wrote on.  Smallest thing ever but I will never let it go.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 4, 2013 at 1:42pm

Connie, Thinking of you.  Daniel's friends care for you very much and I am sure he was with you all in spirit.  It must be so hard going into his room and knowing he is gone physically.  My daughter left Vermont after college and never moved back home.  One of our hall closets is filled with belongings she didn't need out west, but I have not been able to go through them.  Does a time come when you can look through photo albums?   Every time I see her photos on our walls and surfaces I break down and cry but I need to see them and think of her.  Have you left Daniel's room as he was when he was alive?  Do you feel peace and good memories when you sit among his treasures.

Thinking of you and sending a hug.

Comment by Connie K on October 4, 2013 at 1:11pm

Thinking of everyone today and sending rays of California sunshine to you all! Such a beautiful time of year and  all I can think of is how much Daniel loved it. I had a surprise visit from his best friend and another friend who was in the car with him the night he was killed.  It had been so long since they had come by and it was so good to see them. The house is so quiet without Daniel and his mansize buddies coming in and out. I felt like some were my own kids too. Now they are all gone. So I was feeling especially lonely and sad that I hadn't seen them last week and low and behold they show up. Thank you God for letting them have the strength. Because I know it is hard for them to come over even though they care and want to see us - it's hard to see his room and expect him to walk in. They spent so much time over here. They had life plans with my son. They were going to a nearby college and getting an apartment together. These boys are also shattered in their own way. I am thankful they came. And I know Daniel was here too. God I miss him so much. How can it ever stop hurting so bad?

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 4, 2013 at 11:13am

Lynn, how difficult and desolate a time-- I fully know how you feel and completely empathize-- just know that you are not alone however lost and lonely you feel ok? hugssss to you.Here you can share exactly what you feel and please know that the responses are not empty words but heartfelt understanding. Thinking of you and prayers are being sent to ease your pain.

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