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Comment by Lynn Williams on October 7, 2013 at 9:27am

Vasanthi, I am so happy that you were able to get a visa and come see your new angel Craig.  It is wonderful to have someone come into your life that can bring comfort and joy.  Dolly, my husband is always in motion too, cutting wood for winter, and any other project he can find to do around the house.  It is hard to talk to him about what is going on in my head and do most of my crying alone or with my counselor.

 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 7, 2013 at 7:37am

We will exchange emails as I wont post details like we all agreed on the site .. will give my yahoo  messenger details individually to anyone interested and we can chat there .. Is that ok? or if anyone has a better idea please let us know. xoxoxoxo

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 7, 2013 at 7:35am

Dolly, once I am there , will post and we can all decide on where..most likely craig's place near Boston.. if that is not ok we can all decide on the next best option.. just want to meet all here and have a quiet day or two .. I can arrange for the meeting.. if even one or two more are there our home is open to you.

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 7, 2013 at 7:21am

Something changed after my son's passing. Morning assemblies became torturous. I did that for one year and then just could not face another day in the classroom or school.I followed my heart and faced the loss of my darling son ,my best friend and companion, the one who always but always silently exulted at every success and stood like a rock at every failure..my only son and having no siblings and being a single parent my whole world..faced that my whole world had crashed and kept asking him," Micks, what do we do now?" Sometimes the peace I felt through it all was so strong and The love we had between us gave me strength...The trust I place in God my entire life showed up as the grace given to me to withstand this worst nightmare. I read up all I could lay my hands on whether it was the Tibetan book of the dead to Brian Wiess to Khurshed Bhavnagari to Vedanta.. slowly i realized that each and every book, holy books, scriptures all say the same thing.. What is the essence can never die and what is temporary will die.. the body is like a temporary shelter.. a home if you may, while one journeys in this school called 'life'... that lesson seeped into me and I knew that heyy no one dies, its just a kind of a shedding and the shedding is another event , just like birth...this became crystal clear..How else after that could I have remained sane, could I have felt the peace and joy Shreyas was sending my way especially knowing that all I have now in the world is my parents who are old and who don't really understand me though they try! My best relationship had just dissolved into thin air!

A resolve happened then, that come what may all I will now do is use myself to somehow benefit others.. I trusted that opportunities to do so will manifest as the intention and resolve is strong.. i did a mental giving up to God and said whatever comes, whoever comes is sent by you and allow me to serve to the best of my capacity. The day I was in Dubai to get my son back to India for his last rites, I had looked on with great pain at him lying helplessly in a strange place and even at that time I felt that he was extolling me to hold on and not crumble. Shreyas because of his intense love for me always hated to see me in any negative frame of mind and when I rarely did show that, I could always see concern flaring in his eyes.I promised him then that 'mummy will be brave, mummy will never let you down, mummy will always live what she taught you'

I made a decision to continue to trust the providence which put me here on earth ..Suddenly another angel walks into my life, Craig... and I was the wary one always . My first marriage when I was 20 till i was 35 was a distasteful experience, being married to a man who was so highly critical and fault finding had exhausted me. I never wanted to be married ever again.Slowly now seeing the integrity and love in Craig, I am able to trust him with my whole heart. Here we are , two sufferers along life's way and we land plonk into each others life , though we are separated by half the physical world! Craig has come here and met my parents and aunts and cousins.. They all love him which is in itself so amazing as I had not expected this open- hearted welcome. He is a man of integrity and that comes across, a quiet and gentle soul, trusting  in me totally.

the good news is that my Visa has been approved and before the month end will be in the States . I would love for whoever is interested in meeting up to have a quiet get together for our babies, our cherished beautiful children.. I feel the loss of every child here as though it is my loss, like they are my babies. Maybe sometime in December? A quiet small get-together to share and meet?

Comment by Teresa D. on October 7, 2013 at 5:40am

I want so much to reach where you are Anne.  I know it is a process and one day I will realize I am there.  Thank you for sharing and for the hope you give me.

 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 6, 2013 at 10:25pm

My son was so often with me in the car that when I drive, I still feel his presence. Or at least I can visualize him in the seat next to me. I put my hand out while driving. Praying he's holding it. I try to pray. But I start crying as soon as I start praying. So I never finish a prayer.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 6, 2013 at 10:20pm

Anne
Very nicely written. I pray I'm there some day. It's good you are. We all deserve some peace. XO

Comment by anne on October 6, 2013 at 6:55pm

On this day at 2pm, on October 6th, 2007, I had to say good bye to my first born child, my oldest son, my good buddy, and my closest confidante Ben. I know he is looking down at me today, and saying thanks for not shutting down, and crying all day. I miss him so much, but my soul has finally calmed down enough over the years that I can feel him wherever I go. I can finally do what I know he would want me to do, and that is live, love, laugh, and help others. I have learned much over the years. Once again I am a different person. Bens life, and death has taught me many lessons. My youngest daughter sent me a txt this morning with a picture of my granbabies, and a note that said happy sunday! It warmed my heart because since the accident she did not want me even to talk about Ben around her. So I gave her some space, and now she made the first move to me to be able to start to talk about him! I have waited 6 years for this. I called her later, and asked her if I would be being a terrible mother if I didn't grieve today. she said mom for Ben he would feel disrespected if I were to grieve for him today. She said she's sure Ben would prefer  I celebrate his life. She also said that I have grieved, and struggled long enough, and now it's time for me to put down my grief, and start living so that I have good memories to take with me when I see him again. I don't know when that girl became so wise. I'm not telling all of you this to hurt anyone. Most of you are very new at this, and you need to give yourselves time to go through all the things, and feelings you have to go through to get to where I am. I just wanted to give you some hope that it is possible to feel the sunshine again. That it is possible to survive the ultimate pain of losing a child. It's not easy. It's a very long hard road, and the work is exhausting, but it's possible. I'm here to tell you that the first time I lost a child the only thing that saved me was the passing of time. I will never forget all of the trauma, and insanity of it all, especially the first 5 years, but time has seem to wash away the rough edges of the pain, and sorrow. When you are new to this awful tail spin it takes a while to be able to start sorting things out. I will never be the same person I was when my first child died, and I'm certainly not the person I was 6 years ago when my Ben died. I guess what i'm trying to say to all of you whom I adore to please, be patient with yourselves. You have every right  to grieve, and to do so in your own way, and at your own pace. There's just no getting around grieving our children. The only way is to go through it. I will never stop missing my sons, nor will my love for them ever fade. I know I will still have days of grief, sadness, and deep sorrow, but I will accept them and make the most of every good day I can.  Dear Ben, I miss you very much. I know when I speak to you, you hear me because I can feel your warmth near me. I promise I will keep on working hard to move on, and to keep our family happy, and loved! Until we meet again, Mom Loves You!

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 6, 2013 at 3:32pm

Judy I am thankful I retired from teaching in June I would not have the ability to be around 7th and 8th graders all day.  I work in the garden when it is sunny and I walk when I can. I am not looking forward to winter.  My heart is shattered, and still asking why at least 10 times a day or is she in a safe place and trying to talk to me.  

Comment by Judy Edwards on October 6, 2013 at 12:50pm

If someone can help me turn my picture the right way I be ever so grateful Judy Edwards

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