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Comment by Teresa D. on April 28, 2016 at 6:41pm

I was one of those ignorant people making ignorant comments but never had a clue I was so ignorant until it was me and my child.

When my friend lost her son I thought I was such a good friend and I thought I was so supportive.

I called her quickly when it was me and all I could say to her was, "I'm so sorry for everything I thought I did and said, I thought I was helping."  She understood and told me get ready though because the same would happen to me and it did.

I remember days running to this room just so I could go off about comments made.  "Michael wouldn't want you to cry." "Your not over that yet?"  and you guys know the rest.

As hard as it is and as much as it upsets us you have to tell yourself they don't get it.  While they don't know how lucky they are not to get it, you just got to smile and walk away.

I went to a medium once but when she told me my Michael wasn't in heaven and having trouble crossing over that was it I couldn't absorb it.  I need to know God wouldn't allow my Michael to drift. I need to know he is in heaven with my father and his uncle. 

Wow Lynn, that is something.  I hope you and her click really well and become a life line to each other.

Connie I too just want to hear, "Love ya Mom."  I miss hearing his voice.  I wish I had a recording of it.  Michael never left me a message. If I missed his call he knew I would call back as soon as I seen his number.  DAMN!!!!

Trying to prepare myself for mother's day, going to do what I have been doing for the past 3 years and that's pulling out every card Michael gave me to display them. 

I'm struggling this month.  One day I feel like I'm making progress and the next I feel like I'm fooling myself.

All I want is peace in my heart and peace in my head.

LOVE YOU ALL!

Comment by Connie K on April 28, 2016 at 11:30am

Wow Lynn -I got chills reading about Genna's boyfriend. Oh my goodness they will be a great comfort to each other and I am hoping his mom and you will also. I do suffer from not having

a friend who had the same circumstances. Maybe I can start going to TCF meetings again. It was too hard for such a long time. So tired of the mask. OX Hugs to all.

Comment by Lynn Williams on April 27, 2016 at 9:08pm

Connie, George Anderson is the medium I saw in Long Island six months after Kyra died. He was an amazing medium and I play the tape over and it still blows me away. He has many books and one I would reccommend reading is "Our Childen Forever". Tomorrow I will be meeting my other daughter, Genna's boyfriends mother for the first time. She lost her eldest son in a car accident a month before Kyra's accident. He was 28, a year older than Ky. I am sure our surviving children were brought together to help them heal and bring them hope. They are very much in love and building a farm together. Thinking of everyone here and sending hugs.

Comment by Patty on April 27, 2016 at 8:07pm

Connie, I know, right?  What a small God someone must believe in to think He couldn't or wouldn't understand the worst pain a mother could possibly be in.  Love that Einstein quote.  I am so dreading Mother's Day. For me it's the 3rd worst day of the year right after my daughter's birthday and the accident date.

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2016 at 6:42pm

Hugs Lynn (((  ))) Think of you often. Know you must be happy for spring to be here so you can get your hands dirty!

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2016 at 6:40pm

Jill - I agree things I always loved to do just aren't the same of course nothing is - just no joy in anything.

 Patty - what a hurtful and stupid thing for someone to say to you! How dare they pass judgement on how or how long you grieve. And I do not believe in a vengeful God. No - God doesn't get angry at you for being human - he/she knows your sorrow and gives understanding and comfort Sounds like someone is projecting their own fear onto you. Why can't people just say "I'm sorry" and be kind and compassionate. as Einstein said "Everyone understands a great grief except those who are in it." They can not possibly understand how we have to go through life - but they think they do!!

I love my mom so much and am grateful to still have her but God I hate Mother's Day... so hard doing this month's newsletter. No greater joy than having my son - no greater sorrow than losing him. Thankful for that great joy

Sharing this from the newsletter:

This Mother's Day

Let us recognize all mothers.

The ones who nurture their children here on earth. The ones who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts and the ones who yearn just to conceive a child.

 

~ www.CarlyMariesProjectHeal.com

Comment by Jill E on April 27, 2016 at 4:35pm

Trying hard to find something to pass my days. Keep my mind busy so I can't think. Things I use to love to do gives me no pleasure. Concentration nonexistent. Nothing helps. I don't know what to do. I think of something and I have no energy. I can't believe he isn't on the other end of my phone calling me, texting me anything. So many things I would change, do differently. WYWH My Joshie I love you so much. My most important wonderful job I ever had in the world is being a Mommas. My boys. My life. Love you Der

Comment by Lynn Williams on April 24, 2016 at 7:25pm

Hard days continue it will be 3 years in August that Kyra died. Teresa, I too have to go to my nephews wedding next month. Thank god my daughter Genna came to the shower with me last weekend. I would not have been able to drive by myself for three hours, put on my happy face and act like I was enjoying myself, and then drive back home. She helped me keep it together. My mother's grief group that meets once a month really helps me center and realize I am not alone. I think about everyone here often and send hugs..

Comment by Patty on April 24, 2016 at 11:32am

Jill, I know what you mean.  I wish that wave of grief would drown me.

Comment by Patty on April 24, 2016 at 11:30am

Thank you, Jesse's mom.  A friend will excuse some people's behavior by saying "well, they don't know what to say, Patty." But really?  Can't people give it 2 seconds of thought and do any better than that?  I'm sick of feeling so alone all the time.  God, I miss her so much.  This gaping hole in me will never heal.

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