Comment

Comment by Teresa D. on October 14, 2013 at 8:12am

I wish your husband the best Dolly.

Dick, just want you to know I'm thinking of you and your son today.

The last 13 months feels more like 13 minutes.  Just like everyone else I am struggling.  Sometimes I just want to shut down. I try to tell myself to snap out of it, but it's not easy.  Some days I cry but feel good overall and some days like today the pain in my neck and the sickness in my stomach can be overwhelming. Yet everyday I tell myself tomorrow will be better and I'm going to reach a day when I can think of Michael with happiness and not tears.

Michael looked like a tough guy and maybe he was, but he had a personality bigger than life.  No matter where he was he made everyone around him laugh and feel as though they knew him.

He had a heart of gold.  He would lend a hand to those who needed it.

He loved his family and those around him. He was Uncle Mike to all the neighborhood kids.  He was the older brother his cousin didn't have. He was his sister's protector.   He was my little Smurf.

We were very close. We talked about everything all the time. The day he left we talked for 2 hours going from one subject to the next.  He told me what he wanted in his future.

At the end of the conversation he said to me "Don't you ever get it wrong....you were always number one and you will always be my number one!" I can hear him saying the words.

In closing I told him, "If anything every happened to you or your sister I'd never be able to breathe again." He responded with, "the same here Mom." We said I love you and hung up.  I haven't been able to breathe since.

Now I reflect and I feel like God gave me that conversation as a good bye. 

Today is 13 months. I miss him so badly.  I just want to talk to him. I want to see his smile. 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 14, 2013 at 7:21am

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. -Oscar Wilde

 Dolly, i really know ..just want us to mmm beat this loss with love.We have to and we must because isn't it true that the love we have given is the only love we get to keep?

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 13, 2013 at 11:26pm

Merry,

It is what our children would want. that we go on and get successful at being happy. I feel the same as Karen and all here.. other place, other side, light,etc etc is more like some tautology..I ask  with anger, 'what other place and why snatch him and make him vanish? why, why , why.. obviously doing the same things I do and ask the same questions and feel the wound inside, aching all the time 24x7, is not getting me any answers.. so now I look at it a little differently.. I decided to stop the focus on myself... i send prayers for Shreyas and all our babies here and all the ones who are reeling with this devastation and it is no exaggeration at all to say we have all received mortal blows... and yet we fight and yet we laugh and yet we live... so I trust that the good Lord will one day make all this meaningful.. and yes Brenda had once asked me,' do you believe that God can make everything ok, and yes I do, cos if I didn't, y not just swallow some pills or throw oneself from the nearest height and reach  'the other place'?

Comment by Karen R. on October 13, 2013 at 9:47pm

Hello to all, I've just read through many of your postings and as usual, my heart hurts with you all, as I can relate to many of them. This Oct 16th will be 4 yrs since my son went to the "other" place as someone else put it, and my pain has not lessened one bit. I am just learning to live with it, I've learned to hide my pain etreemely well from those I feel like don't want to be burdened with it. It's still extremely difficult for me to even say the dreaded "d" word....died. It's still hard for me to fathom the thought that my son is in a "better" place, as many like to tell me, I just can't grasp that notion, because the "better" place for me is right here with me and all of his family and friends, enjoying his young life and still driving me crazy.....sometimes :)  I would be a liar if I said that one day I feel like I will be "ok" with this, It may be possible but I don't see that for myself in the near future. I always ask myself, how it possibly ever be ok?  How could I ever find comfort in having to bury my child? Thanks to all for any support.

Comment by Teresa D. on October 13, 2013 at 5:22pm

I'm with you ladies, I believe it was Michael letting me know he was there.  He saw me struggling and came to my side, just like he would if he was here. 

Merry, all I can say is, EXACTLY!  

Vasanthi, sometimes for me I'm here reading but stay quite.   

 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 13, 2013 at 12:09pm

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye. -Helen Keller

 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 13, 2013 at 10:57am

Where IS everyone?:(

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 12, 2013 at 10:43am

Thanks Lynn, I agree and am sure that Teresa did feel Micheal's presence.. am missing Micks quite desperately..:( everyone is caught up intheir own world.. and i feel very very alone:( .. where are you micky?:(

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 12, 2013 at 10:38am

Teresa, I am sure he was there with you. I have now read two books by George Anderson a renowned medium and he says when we are in the most pain our child comes to help us through the despair. The book is called In the garden of souls

Comment by Teresa D. on October 11, 2013 at 6:10pm

I went to a lecture this morning, the lecture was good, the speaker was funny but he kept talking about people in his life that passed away.  I had to stare at the ceiling to keep the tears from coming.  when it was over I  thought OK I handled that without a public display, I must be learning this manage thing. 

However, once I reached home the tears started to pour and I can't seem to stop them.  I went and laid on the bed and cried by myself as I stared at Michael's picture.  Then for a split second I swore I smelled him.  I smelled everything around me to see if there was something that resembled, but no.  Am I crazy or did I smell Michael?  Is he telling me he's here?  Lately I feel like I'm sliding backwards.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 426
• 427
• 428
• 429
• 430
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page